end of the road

 I can't believe that it's been two years since I've sat down and typed up anything about teaching. Then again...yes I can. 

It has been hard. Ignore any other post I ever made about teaching being difficult. This is the one. 

Eh, maybe I'm being dramatic. I chalk last year's difficulty up to being pregnant for most of the year and returning only to pack up my classroom. Not that I didn't have hard behaviors because I did. I had some behaviors that I had never dealt with before and had no idea how to handle. We made it through, however. 

This year has been...interesting? 

Interesting is really the only, um, nice way to put it. 

Have I wanted to call in sick like every day? Yes. Have I tried to talk my husband into letting me stay at home? Also, yes. Did I run out of PTO because my kid got pneumonia and HFMD (THREE TIMES). Yes, correct. 

These kids are wildin'. I don't know how else to say it. I don't know what to say. Anything I say y'all will think I'm making it up. Unless you work with me then you know I'm not making it up and your class is probably just as bad as mine, if not worse. 

I feel like after eighteen years in education I would not be surprised by behaviors anymore. That maybe students would be more respectful, understanding of consequences, and follow directions the first time they are asked to do something. 

None of those things happened this year. Instead, I was frustrated, annoyed, and angry most of the time. Now, we had some good moments and good times. I had some wonderful students that I absolutely adored. 

I also tried very hard to start each day with a clean slate and the understanding that they are just children. Their brains and bodies are still growing, they are still learning. 

Apparently, so am I. 

It's been eighteen years and I'm still grateful that I get to learn something new about teaching every damn year. 

Next year, I'll be learning a lot of new things because after eighteen years at my school I will be leaving it. I am sad, excited, and so very nervous. I have been processing this decision since my son was born. I love my school, but I love my family more and I absolutely hate spending 2-3 hours in the car every day. 

I'm excited about the possibilities of learning new things, meeting new teachers and students. Hopefully I have some good ideas to share, too. 

Until then, I'm ready for summer with my sweet (and somewhat feral) boy. 

Also, I'm retheming so if you'd like to help out, I have a new Amazon list. ;) 

Everything is (not) Fine

I just took my melatonin, so I'm not sure how this is going to go. Anywho. *cracks knuckles* Let's get started. 

My God, teaching is hard. I mean...have you checked on your teacher friends lately? We are NOT OKAY.

But Ashley, you get summers and weekends and holidays off! Your job is easy! 

First of all, I'm not going to say what I think when people say those things because my mom might read this and she will be disappointed. Second of all, screw you.

It's been so long since I've written anything that I'm not really sure where to start. This year has been a doozy with big changes personally and professionally. I got engaged to my main squeeze in June and began eagerly planning our wedding. Then, my dad passed away in August. The day before the first day of school. My year started immediately on a rollercoaster of emotions. Happiness and grief can both be overwhelming in their own ways. 

Oh. I almost forgot the Cat 5 hurricane we experienced just two months into the school year where we missed about three weeks of instructional time. That was also great. 

But. The show must go on, so here we are, eight months into the school year. Less than twenty school days to go of my sixteenth year teaching. You'd think it would get easier after so many years, but it doesn't. As the kids grow and change, teachers stay the same. We expect the same things from students that we've always expected: respect, listening skills, manners. It's not like that anymore, though. 

We've been in so many conversations about this lately that we sound like broken records. Social media and technology have such a huge impact on students that it's hard for us lowly teachers to compete. We try! We try so hard to plan the engaging lessons, add in the tech, play games, put on our one-man show. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 

It. Is. Exhausting. 

I love my job. I will say it anytime I write about teaching. (Which hasn't been very often but I've been busy this year.). I love knowing that I get to make a difference (hopefully) in a kid's life. There is no better feeling than a child taking something you taught them to heart, whether it be academic or personal. We've gotten to have open and real conversations about how to treat each other and what it means to be kind. My class and I have also learned new things together because no matter how distracted they can get, they still love to freaking learn. 

Still...it has not been easy. Do the good days outweigh the bad? I don't know. Maybe it's the burnout. Maybe we're all just ready for summer. 

Teachers a making a mass exodus and it is so disheartening. With school shootings, shitty pay, no respect from the public...can you blame them? 

I don't blame anyone for leaving this profession. It has definitely crossed my mind. I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet, though. I hope you (if you're reading this) stick around, too. 

You never know who might need you. 

This Just In: Teaching is Still Hard

This is not a fun, happy post. This will most likely not make you feel good about your job. Unless your job isn't teaching, then you probably feel fine already so what the hell are you even doing here? 

I have not posted to this blog since summer of 2021 and even then it was just a fun "these are cool things I like in my classroom". Actually, I haven't posted to my book review blog either, but that's mostly because I am very, very tired and don't get a lot of reading and writing done. 

Back to this post. 

This job is hard. I've talked about this before. I have posts titled this. But I have not felt so defeated as I've had in the past two years. I have not felt like this job has been too hard until now. (I'm actually tearing up as I write this but it could be the second beer or PMS.) 

I remember my first post about teaching was in response to my feelings about a comment on a friend's Facebook post. It was about teaching the day after Halloween and how hard it is. 

People don't understand that teaching is not all fun and games and days off. I don't get "paid for the summer", I stretch my salary out for the months I don't work. I don't work 7:30-3:30. I bring work home and tutor in the morning and afternoon to make extra money because teacher pay is absolute shit.

I answer parent emails after hours because I care about my kids but also I have anxiety about leaving things left unsaid, unread, undone. That anxiety has only increased since the beginning of the pandemic and I'm sure it isn't going anywhere anytime soon. 

I love my job. I really, truly do. There are so many amazing moments in teaching. I have a fun group of kids who aren't always perfect but we make it work. Sometimes we're all cranky one day and the next day we're fine and dandy.

It is 100% never, ever easy. A lot of people think that my class of high achievers is a walk in the park. It's not. Like I said, we have our days. 

Emotions run high in most classrooms. We can all tell as we walk down the hall and I know it's not just my school. It's got to be everywhere, right? After all, we're all in this together.

When you think about it, students in my 2nd grade have never had a "normal" year of school. In kindergarten they were quarantine, or "crisis" learning, in first grade they were hybrid. Some of my students this year never stepped foot in school last year. This year is our "normal" year. 

But...do we wear masks? Or do we not? Are we playing catch-up or are we okay? Social emotional learning? Growth? Behavior? Friendships? How can I be kind to others and myself? 

Honestly, these things apply to adults as well. I have plenty of friends on social media and in real life who are just now returning to their offices or whose companies have decided to let them work from home. Teachers, like healthcare workers, did not get that option. We've been here since day one. We've adjusted schedules, classrooms, lunches, recess, seating charts, and the list goes on and on... to try and keep everyone safe and healthy. 

We've put cleaning supplies on our wish lists. Our hands are dry from hand sanitizer and Lysol wipes. We worry about getting sick and spreading it. Do we take off of work or do we suck it up? Are there subs? (The answer is always no.) We create seating charts for the classroom and lunch. 

Teachers are desperately trying to do the best thing for kids. Florida has introduced new standards this year, we've gotten a new curriculum. We are working overtime to get shit done. It's not easy. We're tired. 

Does anyone who doesn't work in a school truly know what it's like? I'm getting a little teary again just thinking about it. I have always very strongly felt that teaching is my calling, and I still believe that. I love to learn. I love the spark that kids get when they understand something. I love working with a team of people who believe the same thing I do. I love my school. 

Thousands of teachers have left this profession for many reasons and it is only going to get harder. As social media and technology take over it is so easy for things to be said and spread and argued over. It makes it easy to share opinions without thinking who we are hurting or what the outcome is going to be.

Honestly, this is one, if not the biggest problem of teaching. Everyone wants instant gratification and it's just not feasible. We're teachers, not wizards. Sorry.

One of my favorite sayings is "be kind, you never know what someone else is going through". There are so many things we keep bottled up, especially teachers. We do a good job, for the most part, of putting on a smile for our kids. When I'm tired and stressed or flubbing words during a lesson I play it off as a joke, let my kids laugh, and put a smile back on. Not every profession has to do that. Not every job has to pretend that everything is fine all day so kids don't think you're upset with them or just upset in general. 

Teaching has never been easy but these past couple of years have been brutal. In the words of Adele, go easy on us. It's not over yet and we're trying to keep it together. 

A Few of My Favorite Things

 As they new school year looms in the shadows and people start thinking about what they need to get for their classrooms, I thought I'd put together a list of some of my favorite things I use. (From Amazon for easy access.) 

These fun, different colored bracelets are great for breaking kids into groups. With my second graders it is SO HARD to "count them off" and have them go into groups together. Half the time they aren't paying attention to their number or are trying too hard to get into a group with their BFF. This way I can pick the groups the way I want and there's no confusion about where they need to go. You can grab some here for $8, or search for your own to match your classroom theme. 

These are the best magnets known to man. They are, as they say, SUPER STRONG. They've also got a hook so they're great to hold anchor charts and whatever else you need. They are pretty pricey at $12.99 for four, but totally worth it. Grab some here. 

I grabbed this idea from a friend's list last year but it was a game changer! Since our school is now 1:1 with iPads we get to do so much more technology and use a lot of interactive lessons. These were really helpful when students wanted to color or write instead of using their fingers text. You get 22 for $5.99 so buy a few because kids are vicious. 

I like to have black markers on hand for student use. I tend to be stingy with my colored Expo markers and like to keep arguments away by making sure everyone is using the same color. To me, $25 is a good deal for a name brand. Now, if they could only remember to put the cap back on it...

If you have your own laminator then you've got to stock up on these. (Also if your team needs to borrow them...) 100 in a pack for less than $15!

Keeping snacks is something I've been doing for a while, to make sure no one goes hungry at snack time. These are definitely a fan favorite! 

Again, GAME CHANGER! These mini Play-Doh were so much fun for my kids last year. In years past I've had STEM bins for my class to use when they finished morning work. In the year of COVID I had to break down my bins to individual bins and threw in some Play-Doh for fun. The kids loved it and I always did a "Fun Friday" where they could build something and take a picture, then upload it to Seesaw. 

These are a new add for this year and I'm not sure what I'm going to use them yet! I figure everyone needs a little stress relief or I can use them as some sort of reward. 

Kids love scented stickers. Do yourself a favor and get ya some. (My picture won't upload and I'm tired of trying.) 

Hope this gave you a little bit of inspiration and, if you're inspired, check out my list for the new year for all kinds of fun things! (Buy me stuff.) 

In the Trenches

I saved this as a draft in November. There's really no telling what I was planning to write about teaching during a pandemic in November, a mere three or so months into the school year. Here we are edging toward the end of April, over a year since we first learned we weren't going to finish the school year in the building. I remember being heartbroken, no matter how tough of a year I was having. Being in lockdown and working from home was very hard for me. I didn't learn a new skill or really anything about myself. I got depressed a lot and the time alone just let my thoughts run rampant. Eventually things got a little better. Seeing friends and family helped, and so did going to back work...kind of. 

I posted in August, as I usually do, talking about how it was going to be different. How we knew it was going to be different. 

Damn, is it different. 

August found me with 22 eager little faces (that I mostly can't see because of masks). Half of my class was online, pretty evenly split with my traditional learners. The first few weeks were rough with trying to figure out Zoom with the online students, as well as teaching the traditional ones classroom rules and procedures. On top of that I was planning two subjects for my team and finding or creating new online resources to use for kids at home. I would spend literal HOURS planning on Sundays, not leaving my little office except for snacks (lots of them) and to reheat my coffee for the third time. 

This is not easy. 

I often get the question "Why are you tired?" and I think that has to do with the stigma that teaching is just not that hard. Sometimes teaching is so much fun. We get to have conversations, laugh, have inside jokes. We tell stories, do experiments, play games. Teaching is fun, yes. But that doesn't mean it's easy. 

So, I used to play this game when I walked down the hall and, I'll apologize now if this offends anyone. When I would be on break I'd walk through the halls and see how many people were sitting down. Who was sitting at their desk or table while their kids did...whatever. Is this a bit judgmental? Maybe. I never saw myself as a "sitter". I was always running around my class, working on things helping kids, putting out little figurative fires here and there. I was crushing my 10K step goal every day, you know? 

This year? Forget about it. I spend most of my time in front of my computer. Sharing my screen, sending assignments, helping remote students, asking traditional students to "please be quiet so I can hear" for the millionth time that hour. I am on camera for the majority of the day, and so are my students. We are ON for the majority of the day. There are very few moments when we aren't on Zoom and it is exhausting. Do I wish all of my students were in class? Absolutely, one hundred percent. But I also understand the risks and the fear that they are experiencing. 

We do our best to stay masked and sanitize, but it's not easy or perfect. Kids get sick no matter what because they are dirty little creatures, okay? 

This shit is hard. If I come home and lay in bed for an hour, then spend two hours playing Animal Crossing and eat Publix's buffalo chicken dip for dinner for the third night in a row then that's just what I'm doing to stay sane. 

We are out here doing our best to give kids a normal learning experience while still trying to live our lives. To clean our houses, stay healthy and sane, maintain healthy relationships, see our family. 

This. Is. Hard. 

We say things like "kids are resilient" and "they'll be fine" but we don't know how this will change them in the long run. Sure, they have some sort of normalcy being in the classroom with their friends, but do you know how many times I've heard "I just want a real hug" this year? How many times one of my online kids say that they want to see their friends? It's not easy and I "take work home" more than ever this year. I haven't taken any days off except to facilitate meetings, so I've got an excess amount of PTO hours right now. If you think making sub plans is hard when you're teaching normal classes, don't even try to figure it out for virtual kids, too. 

Here we are - the moral, right? Am I freaking exhausted from teaching little humans that talk to much and from trying to act like a real human and live my life? Hell yes. Do I see myself doing anything else? Ugh, no. 

Just be gentle with us and yourself and your kids. And go get vaccinated or something. 

Everything is Fine

I sometimes like to post a touchy-feely-back-to-school post just to kind of talk about the feel of a brand new year and how excited I am for new faces and supplies. This might be that kind of post...but it might not be. 

I'm exhausted in a more than just a "first week of school" way. Teachers at my school started back about two weeks ago for training, prepping, and planning. We've been social distancing, wearing masks, sanitizing and cleaning compulsively. Okay, maybe not all of us have been compulsive, but I have. 

The time between spring break and the end of the year was hectic. It was "crisis teaching" and trying our best to check in with students and families. We made it work, for what it's worth, but it was a band-aid. It was hard not being with my class, not being able to do our end of the year projects, and celebrate them with awards face-to-face. Once my classroom was all packed up I did manage a drive-by gift drop off to most of my students. 

We knew this year was going to be different. My school is offering three different models this year and teachers are planning and teaching for all three. There wasn't a lot of time to plan and not all the resources we need are ready...but we made it work? My class, like everyone else's, is set up for social distancing: students' belongings can't touch, contact less morning greetings, students on Zoom...the list goes 

Honestly, I am always encouraged and inspired by some of my coworkers. This week has not been easy. There have been obstacles, but we are making it work...I think? 

For the most part, my class has been great. I know that it's not going to be perfect right away. It's been six months since any of us were in any type of structured setting. Not only that, this "structured setting" that we're now in is completely different than anything we've known. I say "we" because I have also not been doing anything structured for a long time. 

Teaching online while also trying to keep the kids in the class occupied has been a bit of a challenge. They all want to share their thoughts and stories. They want to "help" and "give suggestions" as well...you can imagine how that goes. 

We're also wearing masks all day, with the exception of lunch and recess. I'm lucky that my traditional class is small enough that we can stretch out and take masks breaks. I'm also lucky that the kids are bright enough to remember that "six squares" means six feet apart and they are responsible enough to keep their masks on until everyone is ready 

Everything is different and it's been hard. The planning isn't fun, sometimes it's hard to hear them for answers, it makes me sad that we can't do things like we used to.  

But! We're going to make it work. I try my best to stay positive, make jokes, and make things fun. If I get frustrated, I definitely try not to let them see. I don't know what's going to happen, truly. I hope we can all stay safe and healthy. I hope we get to stay in school and see more students return. I hope that everything goes back to normal. 

I also hope that my kids are happy, feel welcome and loved, and maybe even learn a little bit. I'm praying that my colleagues find peace, that they are less stressed, and that they are able to be the best they can for their students. 

These past few weeks have been hard for a lot of reasons. Some of those reasons are other people and their opinion of teachers. Their "Get back in the classroom or don't get paid" attitudes and the "You knew what you signed up for" comments on articles and posts are hurtful and ignorant. This really isn't what teachers signed up for. We're scared for ourselves, friends, families, and students. We don't really feel ready in any aspect, but...we're showing up. We're showing up because we have bills to pay and mouths to feed and a passion to teach.   

I'm going to keep showing up, and I hope you do too. 

(Unless we get the corona. Then we should stay home.)

The Best Laid Plans

Guys. This is insane. This is unprecedented. This is so weird.

It's spring break, so I'm currently lounging about in workout pants and a t-shirt in the guise that I'm halfway ready to workout later today. Why later today? Because I've lost all sense of a schedule and I have no idea what's going on...already.

That's usually okay for vacation. Except for the fact that vacation has been extended and I'm trying to keep a schedule that will HOPEFULLY keep me sane in the upcoming weeks. Aaaaand that obviously hasn't happened yet.

Today I got up and had my coffee. I finished a book. I got dressed and drove to school for my allotted fifteen minutes to grab anything I think might be of importance to my new job as a remote teacher.

Which was basically a bunch of junk and maybe some read aloud books.

Oh, and my computer.

This. Is. Weird.

For some of us this situation might be giving us Hurricane Irma flashbacks. Only this time we have electricity and Netflix. 

This is not going to be easy. My team and I did a chat earlier today to talk about what needs to be done and how we can all stay on the same page. We are all worried about if our kids are going to actually do the work we assign. How much work is too much? Is it too little? How can we help parents? How can we help each other?

Our school administration has done a great job keeping us all informed and guiding us with schedules and expectations. On paper it looks amazing, but once we get out there and do it? I worry about how effective I am IN the classroom and I know most of my peers do, too. I can only imagine how some of them are feeling right now.

Like I said: it won't be easy. But! There are teachers across the entire world doing this! There are so many resources online for parents and teachers to use and to guide us. I'm hoping that we, as teachers, will be able to bring some joy and normalcy to our kids while we aren't able to physically be with them. Our second graders are going to have to miss two huge events for them and it truly breaks my heart to think that they are going to miss out on such fun things that they've worked so hard for.

One of the best part of my days is the morning hellos and afternoon goodbyes I get from my kiddos. They can be a loud, opinionated, bright bunch...but they're mine and I'm going to miss them like crazy.

Hopefully they won't mind seeing my mug on a screen instead of in real life.

I know that while I'm not with them, I'll be thinking about them. I'll be praying for them. (And their new teacher-parents!) And I'll be waiting until I get to see them again.

Hopefully you all have someone to reach out to and lean on during this time. Find your people. Love them hard. Ask them questions. Support them.

I'm here, too.

We got this.

I'm Tired Already

It's Sunday and I'm on my second cup of coffee, sitting here in my church clothes because I didn't realize what time it was and got dressed early. I usually wait until the very last minute on Sunday because I like to milk it for all it's worth. 

Not today, I guess! 

This Sunday officially marks ONE WEEK until we really go back to school. 

Who's excited?

Now, I worked in my classroom two days last week and, thanks to my lovely principal, was able to go in for a little while before I left to traipse around NYC. I got my furniture moved on the first day and these other days have been about unpacking, organizing, reorganizing, throwing away, buying new stuff...you get the picture. 

As stressful as it can be, I absolutely love the "going back to work" process. I love my clean and shiny floor that I'm totally going to mess up when I shove my giant desk all the way across the room. I love new supplies and shopping for new supplies. I love getting rid of things I know I'm not going to use but also stashing things I know I'll never use but I keep "just in case". 

The whole act of setting up my classroom for my new littles is so much fun. There's a bit of a thrill that comes with them seeing the room for the first time and realizing that it's "their space". (I'm a little obsessed with my classroom, if you can't tell.) 

I know it's not all about the decor or what's hanging on the wall, though. I try to make my room fun and inviting, but also functional. As a self-diagnosed person with OCD I live for organization. One of my favorite things is to find a nice flow for my room, as well as think of all the things that can happen in each little nook and cranny. I plan centers, group activities, all kinds of things...in my head. 

Hence the title of this post. 

Y'all, this is exhausting! 

It's all-consuming and SO MUCH FUN. Last night, while hanging out with friends at an end-of-summer get together, I heard myself say "I'd rather be at home laminating". 

I've gotten a jumpstart on all of this fun stuff and I can't wait to share it with my new students. This will be my second year teaching Gifted/Cambridge students and I'm looking forward to growing more in my teaching style and seeing what I can learn from them. 

This year is Lucky 13 for and it can only get better...right? 

Good luck to all of you heading back soon. You've got the future in your hands. No pressure. 

Find me on social media or help out my classroom: 

Twitter

Instagram

Amazon Wishlist 

What Counts

I'm sitting here on a Wednesday night, after our very last faculty meeting of the year. After proctoring 3rd grade FSA testing this morning. After receiving my END OF YEAR CHECKLIST and HOLY SHIT, there are only fourteen days left of school?!

I know everyone is really excited and happy because YAY SUMMER but, y'all...I'm sad.

Now, if you've followed this blog you know that my twelve years of teaching have not always been easy. Most of the time I get the babies who need a little tough love and I give it to them. I sometimes whine and complain about it, but every year I know I'm changed because of the kids in my class. I know that they are put with me for a reason. Sometimes that reason is for me to grow as a teacher even though it also feels like I'm being tested.

Either way, we're supposed to learn and grow as teachers. If we don't, then why are we doing what we're doing? There's no point in doing the same thing we've always done when we get new students every year. When those students are different every year.  And, not only that, they are different from each other. (Trust me, I have identical twins and, wow, are they different.)

This year, despite its challenges, because there are always challenges, has been my best year. I took on some extra things outside of the classroom, but inside the class has been...really good? Not perfect, but really, really good.

Guys. I'm really sad this year is over. Look, I know my class is basically hand-picked from the best of the best but that doesn't mean that the kids are perfect. We've definitely had ups and downs and have had some "come to Jesus" moments, but for the most part I can't complain about these kids. They are smart, funny, , quick, weird...I can keep listing adjectives, but you get the idea.

I'm sitting here getting ready to start my end-of-year awards and picture presentation and I just keep thinking about how much I'm going to miss these kids! I don't get emotional, y'all know this, right? If I cry it's at books or Publix commercials in the privacy of my own home. I'm the one who makes fun of the people crying! (I'm getting a little choked up right now.)

I've learned a lot this year, like every year. Teaching advanced students is, in a sense, the same as teaching average or below average students. They still need to be enriched, challenged, and taught. I've enjoyed learning how to teach them this year and getting to know them and their special little personalities. Even their inability to go one day without talking about farting.

Fourteen days left? I hope they're good to you. I hope this year has been good to you, and that you've been good to your kiddos. That's what matters, right?

Make your last days count. I'm going to try.

What Good Teachers Do

I debated writing this post for a few reasons that may only make sense to me.

A. I don't want you to think I know what good teachers do because I think I'm a good teacher. (Also, I don't want you thinking I'm fishing for compliments. I am not.)

B. I don't want you to think I'm talking about you?

Okay, so. What do good teachers do? I'm sure if you ask any teacher they are going to give you a lot of different answers, because I don't think there is just one thing that good teachers do. Do good teacher follow the curriculum or do they follow their heart? Why can't they do both? Is there a book a about good teaching? Sure! Are there a lot of books about good teaching? Probably.

Have I read any of them? No.

I know. I love to read, but I'm just not good at reading self-help and informational text.

I think that good teachers care, and not because they feel like they have to. We all have those students that push our buttons and get on our nerves and basically drive us up the wall. Those are the ones we should care about most because those are the ones who need it the most. Does it always work like that? Absolutely not. Sometimes, even as adults, it's hard to muster the strength to care about someone when it seems like their sole purpose is to make you miserable. Should we always try? Yeah, I guess.

Investing in your kids. This may kind of seem like showing kids you care, but maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm really tired and shouldn't be blogging right now. By investing I mean more than hugging and talking to. Engage in an actual conversation. Show up at one of their extra event. Have lunch with them (UGH, lunch bunch). Work with them, encourage them, tell them you're proud of their accomplishments. There are so many ways we can invest in our kids and some of us are just not doing it. These kids, the little ones in our care right now? They are the future. This is it. It is literally right in front of us. Don't we want to make it better than it is right now?

Show up. Show up for work. Show up for life. Bring your best self. No matter what you're going through out in the real world. Trust me, I KNOW that shit gets hard. You don't have to tell me that there are things that you just can't control. But sometimes we just need to pick ourselves up and show up.

These past few days I've been out of my classroom to facilitate academic progress meetings. I've been sitting with other teachers and talking about other students and, damn, I miss my kids. This is probably the first year where I say things like that. I'm more frustrated by not being with my kids than I am about writing sub plans.

I miss showing up for them, you know? I've been greeting them before my meetings and checking in at lunch and recess, but it isn't the same. This year's group of kids is so funny and real and I've really been missing that time with them.

Well, I've kind of enjoyed bothered the front office people and yelling at people to "get out of my office", too, but it isn't the same as watching a little one learn, explore, and just enjoy life. (I hope they are enjoying life?)

Teachers. We only have a day and a half before spring break. After that, the end is nigh.

Show up for your kids. Love them. Invest in them. Yell at them if you need to, but make sure they know why.

Be good, okay?

Also, you got this.

Teacher Resolutions

I'm really not one to make New Year's Resolution as, from what I can tell from years past, the minute I promise to do something I...just don't do it.

Eat healthy? Where are the KitKats?

Work out more? Oh, look. A new book.

Meditate? Don't you mean sleep in?

Okay, so I probably could find the willpower to do those things, but it's more fun if I don't. You feel me?

As I'm lounging around today (eating KitKats and reading a book in basically pajamas) I also keep thinking about things I want to do in the new year as a teacher. I can't believe it's almost been one hundred days of school and I've only posted one thing about the year, and it wasn't even that good of a post, let's be honest.

So here are some things I want to work on, I guess.

Have more fun. 
That will probably sound like "do less teaching" to some, but that's not what I mean. I love my kids. They are amazing and fun and so funny. I want them to have fun and learn at the same time. My OCD tendencies are sometimes so strong that it doesn't always get to happen. I've learned to let go of some control over the years, but it's still hard sometimes.

Practice peace. 
If we're friends on Facebook or Twitter you may have seen my post about how one of my cuties told me I needed to go to yoga to "find my peace". Like I've said, my class is pretty well-behaved and this particular comment was made on a day before Thanksgiving break when I was seriously about to lose my shit. I do not like losing my shit. It is not peaceful. I want to work on that. I want to, as we try to teach our little leaders, seek first to understand (Habit #5).

Be present.
Sometimes it's so easy to give my kids an assignment and then disengage to do something around the class that I need/want to take care of instead of working with them and helping them work through and with ideas. I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm not a "teach from my desk" kind of teacher, but I can do better. I want to do better.

Love big.
This group of kids is one of the most lovable groups I've had in a while. Maybe it's because they feel a kindred spirit in me (we're all so weird) or maybe it's something bigger. Either way, I want them to leave this year feeling loved. Honestly, it's my top teacher dream.

Encourage loudly and often. 
That makes sense in my head, okay? People seem to think that just because you teach the higher students that they don't need to be encouraged or made to feel important. It is so important to me that I help celebrate every success my students make, whether it's big or small.

So. That's it? As I'm moving into the second half of my twelfth year teaching, I'm feeling such a peace. (It's starting already!) I'm loving all the interactions with my students (and even their parents!) and seeing all that they can do and all they will accomplish.

I hope that your year stays great if it's already going that way. I hope it gets better if you're struggling. I'm here if you need help.

Happy New Year, from my classroom to yours.

XOXO,
Ash

A Whole New Year

I realize that the title of this is a little...late? I mean, it's November and I'm just now sitting down to write a "welcome back" post?

Sometimes I feel like I don't have the words or that anything I have to say isn't good enough. Most posts I try to be as real as possible with my teacher struggles throughout the school year. So far this year...we're doing okay.

The fact that this is the first post of the school year should've probably tipped you off.

This August I started my twelfth year teaching. It's also my twelfth year at my school and my eighth teaching second grade. I made some expected and unexpected changes this summer. This year I stepped away from being team lead to help assist with curriculum and I also took on a new and exciting challenge in the classroom. My class this year is made up of Cambridge/Talented and Gifted students. The Cambridge program at my school is made up of high achievers and students who excel in leadership and behavior.

Basically, I'm teaching the smart, good kids.

Y'all.

It's amazing.

I know that probably sounds terrible. Like I don't care about the kids who struggle and I just like "LOL MY KIDS ARE GREAT" all the time. Okay, sometimes that is EXACTLY the case.

This year, even with all the extra things I've picked up at school, my class has been a huge blessing.  Honestly, though, taking this class on was a struggle for me. When my principal asked me to make the switch over the summer I immediately went to my favorite school support group. At the risk of sounding arrogant: I'm a good teacher. Can I get better? Always. Do my kids make growth because I invest my time in them? Absolutely. I was nervous about not being able to help the struggling learners. That might sound silly, but I love seeing those kids make growth. I love when they get it. 

I was nervous that I was going to get the kids who already get it and that I wouldn't know what to do with them. My best friend said "They are all weird like you, it's going to be great!" And, yeah, she was right. The rest of my people said all the right things and promised to help me along the way, so here I am. 

So far, this year has truly been amazing. I'm getting to work with kids who understand content and humor more than I'd ever known kids to do. They are sensitive and kind, but they are also still kids. Not everything is perfect every single day. We still struggle, but I feel like I'm getting to do so much more with this class. I've been able to introduce flexible seating, to provide more technology and centers, and we get to do more projects. 

Now, this doesn't mean that only high achievers should get to do these things. I realize as I typed all of those things that it seemed like only my "good" class can do those things. 

One of another major change this year is, again and always, me. I'm changed every year by the students in my class, and I'm always trying to learn from my mistakes. This year is about letting go a little bit more. I don't need to control every little thing in my classroom and I think having that mindset truly makes the difference. 

I still have very strict rules and procedures, but that helps my classroom run smoothly. My school still teaches leadership and the majority of my class excels in it. Like I said, though, they are still kids. Even though they are high achievers, they still need me, and that's nice. We've definitely had a couple of rough patches, but those are getting ironed out. Our moods are constantly changing and we are always learning new things about each other. 

I'm having a great time learning these kids and I hope that they feel the same about me. I also hope that you're taking the time to get to know your little (or big) ones. I hope you're invested and not distracted. I hope that you're giving it (and them) your all. 

We've got an important job. Do it well. 

Hey, follow me and my class on Twitter: @SuperMissVeale

Summer Shopping

Happy summer, friends! First of all, thank you for five years of fun! Today marks five years since I started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing (still don't) but I'm so grateful for the journey. I hope the stories have helped or have at least entertained you.

I've been doing a few videos for the Scootadoot blog which is where we blog about health and fitness, so I thought I'd do a vid here too. It's a long one and I'm mostly talking about some things I've bought this summer. I'm looking forward to some changes next year and hope to keep y'all updated as the year begins. See you soon!

Thanks again for five fun years! 

The End of the Road

Oh, we are so close to the end here, y'all. Today I got to celebrate my Super Second Graders with an award ceremony in our classroom. Parents filled the room, snacks filled the table, and, believe or not, I was genuinely happy in my classroom for the first time in a long time. The families smiled and took pictures, parents and students thanked me for a great year. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt in a while.

I know, I know. That sounds terrible, right? Teaching is supposed to be fun and happy and rainbows.

Obviously, if you follow this blog or speak to me on a daily basis or are friends with my on any piece of social media you know that I've been struggling this year. My class is full of big personalities and, honestly, sometimes they aren't good traits. It has been a difficult year. For the most part I'm glad that it's over.

It's hard to be sad when I've struggled so much. I know that I always take something from each year. There's always that little nugget of inspiration that hopefully works for...someone? This year was all about patience for me. It was learning to bite my tongue when I really wanted to scream and yell. (Honestly, sometimes I did scream and yell.)

Even today, when nine students left after our ceremony, I had to get loud. 

There are just some things that teachers can't control and don't understand. I often hear/see teachers higher grade levels say things like "What until he/she gets to __ grade, then they won't act that way". Um, yeah, they probably will? I know for a fact that many of my former students with behavior issues are still struggling in higher grades. To me, that's comforting. It lets me know that it wasn't just me the student didn't mesh with. 

It also makes me sad, because it means that there is something with that child that is missing. Or that someone is missing. Sometimes it isn't something a teacher can do. As hard as I try to instill respect and responsibility in a students, it doesn't always work if there's no other back up. 

This job is not easy. This job is not always fun and rainbows. This job is kids who you can't reach, kids who struggle, and kids who need love. It isn't something that you take lightly and it isn't something that you can just let go. 

We all have our stories. We all have those students that stick with us. We have those classes we love and the ones that we don't love as much. When my father died in 2016 that class was The Class. They were challenging, but they were smart and weird and funny. They kept my mind off my grief and helped me through it. I know they will never know that, even though they knew what was going on in my life. 

I. Love. This. Job. I love the people I've met because of it. The friendships that I've built with colleagues, parents, and kids. This is a good job. 

And I am very ready to have a good summer. 

Before that, though... 

Be there. Be present. Give the hugs. Smile the smile. Yell if you need to. Let them know that you love them, even when they're difficult. 

You never know if you're the person they need in their life. 

Six more days, friends. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Guys. It's been a week. I mean, I know it's a new week because it's Sunday and all that, but...it's been a week. Maybe it's the fact that we're in the final few weeks of the year, or maybe we were all just grumpy last week, or, yeah I've got nothing else. 

Last week my class and I had multiple heart-to-heart conversations about showing respect for one another and, equally important, themselves. I tried to stress that the more they misbehaved, the more disrespectful they were. When they were talking or flat out not listening to directions it wasn't just hurting me, or those around them, they were hurting themselves too. 

The end of the year is stressful for everyone, and I know that it's the same with the students. (This post alone has made me break from my Weight Watchers plan. I've finished off a pint of Halo Top and now I'm eating Cheez-its.) It's the time of year when we expect more from them because they've been in school for almost 180 days. (Thanks, Irma.) We remind them that they are almost 3rd graders, they are leaders, and they have grown so much this year! 

We also remind them to...

Stay in their seat. 

Raise their hand.

Listen to directions. 

Do their homework. 

Did I mention stay in their seat? 

 Keep their hands to themselves. 

Use their manners.

I could go on and on.

Point is, some days feel like a huge fail. It feels like the whole year has been leading up to this. THIS? Now, don't take this the wrong way. I love my class. I am not a fan of the relationship we have right now. We lack mutual respect and need it now more than ever. I know it isn't there but students say things jokingly but it actually hurts my feelings. How does a 34-year-old get her feelings hurt by a second grader? Let me count the ways... 

Here's the thing. They don't have social cues to not say certain things, and to also not say certain things to adults. At some point we might want to sit back and think "Okay, parents should teach these things". Okay, but  so should we. 

That's what I'm trying to do. Desperately. 

In the meantime I absolutely do not want my students to be scared of me. I don't want them to be fearful that they are going to get into trouble. I want them to feel loved, but also feel disciplined in the way that they can tell the right thing from the wrong thing. 

Does that make sense? 

I want them to be good humans. 

So. 

35 more days to make it happen. 

Any suggestions? 

I'm sure i've used this before. 

Feels Like a Monday

Within the past twenty-four hours I've gotten two text messages with a "Forty days left of school!" kind of feel about them. My internal response was something kind of like this:

Of course, blah blah blah, I love my job and all of that. This year, guys. This year is tough. I was talking with a friend today about how I'd trade last year for this year. Not to beat a dead horse, but with so many changes it's been difficult to stay consistent in so many things. 

This year is definitely making me question my "awesome classroom management skills". This year is tough. 

I've been trying a lot of different things this year and most of it has been working. There are still those days, however. These days, you know what I mean? 

It's not like today was absolutely terrible, but it could have been better. My kids and I are moving into a new routine. I had a full-time intern who recently completed her time with us so I know we're going to have a bit of a transition period. It's been nice having two teachers in the room. Now that I'm on my own again (for the second time this year) I'm pretty tired and extra cranky. *insert laughing/crying emoji*

I know it's my own fault, for the most part. I'm a control freak and there are just some things I absolutely can't control. I can't control a kid's emotions, but I can control how I react to them reacting...if that makes sense? 

Every day is different and every day is a day for reflection...right? 

That's what I keep telling myself. 

And it's only Monday. 

Practice Makes Perfect

Teaching is absolutely not perfect, nor is my classroom. I just needed a catchy title and something that kind of went with my ideas that are about to vomit here.

Any time I blog about something, you should know that it's truly something I try or focus on in my classroom. I try really hard to lead and live by example, but also to share honestly about my teaching experience.

This year has been especially difficult (you can read my whining here) with so many changes, behavior problems, and IRMA. I try to start every new day with a new attitude. It doesn't do me well to think on mistakes we (my students or myself) made the day before. I'm fully aware that they are just tiny humans and I'm the one who needs to lead them.

Note the keyword there is "try". Some days the trying is harder than others. Some days there is no "try". (Nor is there any "do".)

Some days just suck.

But then! Then there are the good days. Okay, so when I say that there are good days it doesn't necessarily mean that everything was sunshine and roses and amazing. The chances that every single one of my students are absolutely perfect are slim to none. Unless they are all absent. Get it? 

Whatever. This week was a week of major triumphs for me with one of my students and I loved sharing it with others. 

At the risk of exposing students I will just tell you that this kid is tough. They are smart, funny, likeable...emotional...angry at times. 

This student is on a behavior chart and we work everydamnday on controlling those BIG emotions that they have. Despite having to call for assistance two days with them, they still met the goal on their chart four out of five days of the week. I say it's a perfect week because on Friday they actually had a perfect day. That means for every subject and every activity they did, there was acknowledgement of this good behavior. 

And, guys, this kid was thrilled. So was I. 

What did I do differently? Well, for four out of the five days I worked on ignoring the poor behavior. I used a calm and quiet teacher voice to speak reason with the student and when that didn't work I left them alone. Eventually they realized the things they were missing and they knew that if they wanted to meet their goal changes needed to be made. They made it happen on their own. 

I will admit to using my loud teacher voice on one of those days, but we all slip up sometimes. 

My point is: don't give up. 

If it's hard, it's because it's worth it. That always sounds to cheesy, but I truly believe. Teaching is hard, y'all. It's hard and it's important. 

Do the good work. 

You got this. 

Be the Change (in the Classroom)

Just last week or so I posted that this will be the "same old blog" and I'm going to stick to that in the best way I can. Some things are changing for ME, so I am making a little change to this old blog.

I've decided to make it more teaching centered, but still incorporate some motivational and touchy-feely posts I've grown to write and love.

Today, specifically, I'd like to talk about change in the classroom.

This is a tough subject for me because I tend to be very Type A. Sometimes I have a "things need to be a certain way and that's it" kind of mentality. Here's the deal with that, though: it doesn't work.  Stop me if I've done a post like this before (ha!) but I feel like I need a little reminder sometimes, too.

This year (if you've read my other posts) has been a challenge already. I say "already" and it's actually January- we're halfway through the year! So many things have happened since August but I'm still struggling with certain behaviors in my class. It's like one day is great and the next day the room is on fire (I'm on fire, everything is on fire).

I get so exhausted teaching this way and I know it's time to make a change. Change is just...hard. It's hard because it feels like what I've been doing for my eleven years of teaching has just worked. Then I start to question if it actually has been working...or if I just thought it was working. So. It's time to make a change. I know this change won't happen overnight. I know that it will take some researching and possibly some Pinteresting and even some (gasp) talking to others about what might work in my classroom.

I know that the change has to start with me. I'm the adult in the room. I set the mood. I need to be more present and more prepared. Personal feelings need to be set aside in order for change to take place. I can't hold against a kid something they did the day before (and I wouldn't, just saying) when I know that they are just kids. I need to be the model for them to follow.

So.

Point is, I'm ready for the change. This class that I have is interesting and they challenge me in all kinds of ways. For the most part they are an amazing and interesting group of kids. They truly are. We have fun and we learn and love...but we definitely have bad days. I guess I'm ready to take these challenges to the next level and turn them into triumphs.

Wow, that got real cheesy.

I guess you could call this a resolution for the new year. Y'all keep me accountable for this. (Don't let me yell at my class.)

Happy teaching.

New Year, Same Blog

Here we are. 2018. I'm feeling much more like a human today (seriously, why do you people invite me places?) and figured I'd take a moment to sum up last year. 

 2017 was a whirlwind of triumphs and tragedies. It was a year of moving on and moving forward. Building friendships and reuniting with old friends. It was rough, but it was fun. 

Just as we made it to the year anniversary of losing my stepfather, I had to say goodbye to my beloved Papa. It hurt, losing two men whom I loved dearly within such a close period of time. My family is strong. Resilient. Though we continue to struggle with our grief, I know that our bonds are stronger for it. Sometimes we scatter, but we always find our way back to each other. This year has definitely been hard on us...but I know we'll be okay. 

This year was definitely a time for me to step out of my comfort zone a little bit. In June I traveled to Amish Country (alone, omg) to do a 200-ish mile relay race with ten people I'd never met and one dear online friend. We slept in a van, ran the miles, at the food, and had a lot of fun. Running a Ragnar race wasn't something I even thought I wanted to do, but now I'm ready for another one. 

July led me to Nicaragua with my church to visit a village that we sponsor. It was a week of meeting people, introducing ourselves, listening to their stories, and praying with them. The best part of this trip was the people who helped me get there by their donations and prayers. I was overwhelmed with support from not only my church family, but also people that I work with. 

I'd have to say that the biggest thing I faced this year was buying a house. It was probably the most stressful thing I've ever done, but also the most rewarding. My sister and I have had a great time making our little house a home (even welcoming a crazy new kitten to the mix). This was definitely a triumph of 2017. 

This school year (if you follow this blog at all) has been a challenge each and every day. So many changes happened early on in the year, not to mention the Cat 5 hurricane that put us out of commission for over two weeks. We are slowly but surely getting our groove back in Room 210. I love my job and I know it's a tough one. But, like I always say, it's a good one. 

When I started this blog almost five years ago I didn't really have a purpose or direction with it. Honestly, I still don't. A lot of the times I feel like what I'm writing doesn't make sense to anyone but me. I know that we are all struggling with things: personal, spiritual, physical, work related...I just try my best to share experiences with others and hope that they help someone in the process. There's a lot I don't put out there, and that's okay. (Some people think I put too much out there. Oh, well.) 

I'm looking forward to 2018 and the experiences it holds. I know that there will be ups and downs. There will moments of sadness and hopefully many, many triumphs. I'm also looking forward to sharing those experiences with you, so be prepared. 

This year I'm going focus on my health in many ways: physical, mental, spiritual. There will definitely be struggles. That's just life. I'm here for it, though. 

Happy New Year, friends. Let do this...

...after I finish watching all ten seasons of Smallville. 

The Struggle is Real Part II

So, it's 5:45 on a Thursday morning and I can't get this out of my head. A while back (years?) I named a post "The Struggle is Real" in which I talked about trying to lose weight and how it was a struggle and all that.

This is a little bit different.

I mostly write about my teaching experiences and how to find the positive in situations. Sometimes I give out tips or make funny and cute lists. This is not one of those times.

I'm struggling, y'all.

This is my first "teacher post" of the year and, at this point, I'm not sure what I have to offer. I've spoken to a few friends already about it and they have been amazing at lifting my spirits. They've helped me see all of the things that have happened this year and tried to make sense of this feeling that leaves me crying in the shower on a Wednesday night. (Maybe it's PMS, IDK.)

I know I'm not alone in this struggle, either. Ask any teacher in South Florida and they will tell you that the two and a half weeks out of school due to Hurricane Irma really put a damper on our school year. For those two weeks all I did was worry about my kiddos and their families. I was elated (really) to go back to school and see all of their sweet faces. 

Things have been difficult lately, though. Due to some unforeseen circumstances (Thanks, Irma) I got three new students in my class and some things have changed. I feel that, in my eleventh year teaching, I'm somewhat of a veteran. I know I have good management skills because people often come to watch me teach and observe them. (I'm not being arrogant, it's kind of true.) 

Lately though...I'm struggling. I'm struggling with the love I feel for these kids. I want them to succeed and to be happy. I want them to feel safe and loved when they come into our classroom. And I KNOW, because I've said it before, that they are just kids. But kids at my school are different. They are leaders and scholars and I just can't wrap my head around why we aren't being those things we need to be (me included).  

Part of it is me, I know that. I'm working on a mindset shift and reaching out to parents to help. The other part is where I'm lost. Is it them? Parents? (Don't even get me started on that bunny trail.) Sometime I get stuck on "WHERE'S THE PROBLEM AND HOW DO I FIX IT?" because that's just how my brain works. 

Maybe there are a lot of problems that I don't know about and that's where I'm not seeing the big picture. Maybe I'm struggling because I'm not getting to know these kids like I need to. Maybe I just need a weekend away at Disney World to solve all my problems and make me feel a little better. 

Okay, that last part is just wishful thinking. 

Point is, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. I wish I had some insight to share or some motivation to get you going, but I don't. 

All I can say is that if you're struggling too, come talk to me. We'll figure it out together. 

Or we can go for a drink and complain about it. 

Whichever. 

Happy Thursday.