What Counts

I'm sitting here on a Wednesday night, after our very last faculty meeting of the year. After proctoring 3rd grade FSA testing this morning. After receiving my END OF YEAR CHECKLIST and HOLY SHIT, there are only fourteen days left of school?!

I know everyone is really excited and happy because YAY SUMMER but, y'all...I'm sad.

Now, if you've followed this blog you know that my twelve years of teaching have not always been easy. Most of the time I get the babies who need a little tough love and I give it to them. I sometimes whine and complain about it, but every year I know I'm changed because of the kids in my class. I know that they are put with me for a reason. Sometimes that reason is for me to grow as a teacher even though it also feels like I'm being tested.

Either way, we're supposed to learn and grow as teachers. If we don't, then why are we doing what we're doing? There's no point in doing the same thing we've always done when we get new students every year. When those students are different every year.  And, not only that, they are different from each other. (Trust me, I have identical twins and, wow, are they different.)

This year, despite its challenges, because there are always challenges, has been my best year. I took on some extra things outside of the classroom, but inside the class has been...really good? Not perfect, but really, really good.

Guys. I'm really sad this year is over. Look, I know my class is basically hand-picked from the best of the best but that doesn't mean that the kids are perfect. We've definitely had ups and downs and have had some "come to Jesus" moments, but for the most part I can't complain about these kids. They are smart, funny, , quick, weird...I can keep listing adjectives, but you get the idea.

I'm sitting here getting ready to start my end-of-year awards and picture presentation and I just keep thinking about how much I'm going to miss these kids! I don't get emotional, y'all know this, right? If I cry it's at books or Publix commercials in the privacy of my own home. I'm the one who makes fun of the people crying! (I'm getting a little choked up right now.)

I've learned a lot this year, like every year. Teaching advanced students is, in a sense, the same as teaching average or below average students. They still need to be enriched, challenged, and taught. I've enjoyed learning how to teach them this year and getting to know them and their special little personalities. Even their inability to go one day without talking about farting.

Fourteen days left? I hope they're good to you. I hope this year has been good to you, and that you've been good to your kiddos. That's what matters, right?

Make your last days count. I'm going to try.

Teacher Resolutions

I'm really not one to make New Year's Resolution as, from what I can tell from years past, the minute I promise to do something I...just don't do it.

Eat healthy? Where are the KitKats?

Work out more? Oh, look. A new book.

Meditate? Don't you mean sleep in?

Okay, so I probably could find the willpower to do those things, but it's more fun if I don't. You feel me?

As I'm lounging around today (eating KitKats and reading a book in basically pajamas) I also keep thinking about things I want to do in the new year as a teacher. I can't believe it's almost been one hundred days of school and I've only posted one thing about the year, and it wasn't even that good of a post, let's be honest.

So here are some things I want to work on, I guess.

Have more fun. 
That will probably sound like "do less teaching" to some, but that's not what I mean. I love my kids. They are amazing and fun and so funny. I want them to have fun and learn at the same time. My OCD tendencies are sometimes so strong that it doesn't always get to happen. I've learned to let go of some control over the years, but it's still hard sometimes.

Practice peace. 
If we're friends on Facebook or Twitter you may have seen my post about how one of my cuties told me I needed to go to yoga to "find my peace". Like I've said, my class is pretty well-behaved and this particular comment was made on a day before Thanksgiving break when I was seriously about to lose my shit. I do not like losing my shit. It is not peaceful. I want to work on that. I want to, as we try to teach our little leaders, seek first to understand (Habit #5).

Be present.
Sometimes it's so easy to give my kids an assignment and then disengage to do something around the class that I need/want to take care of instead of working with them and helping them work through and with ideas. I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm not a "teach from my desk" kind of teacher, but I can do better. I want to do better.

Love big.
This group of kids is one of the most lovable groups I've had in a while. Maybe it's because they feel a kindred spirit in me (we're all so weird) or maybe it's something bigger. Either way, I want them to leave this year feeling loved. Honestly, it's my top teacher dream.

Encourage loudly and often. 
That makes sense in my head, okay? People seem to think that just because you teach the higher students that they don't need to be encouraged or made to feel important. It is so important to me that I help celebrate every success my students make, whether it's big or small.

So. That's it? As I'm moving into the second half of my twelfth year teaching, I'm feeling such a peace. (It's starting already!) I'm loving all the interactions with my students (and even their parents!) and seeing all that they can do and all they will accomplish.

I hope that your year stays great if it's already going that way. I hope it gets better if you're struggling. I'm here if you need help.

Happy New Year, from my classroom to yours.

XOXO,
Ash

The Struggle is Real Part II

So, it's 5:45 on a Thursday morning and I can't get this out of my head. A while back (years?) I named a post "The Struggle is Real" in which I talked about trying to lose weight and how it was a struggle and all that.

This is a little bit different.

I mostly write about my teaching experiences and how to find the positive in situations. Sometimes I give out tips or make funny and cute lists. This is not one of those times.

I'm struggling, y'all.

This is my first "teacher post" of the year and, at this point, I'm not sure what I have to offer. I've spoken to a few friends already about it and they have been amazing at lifting my spirits. They've helped me see all of the things that have happened this year and tried to make sense of this feeling that leaves me crying in the shower on a Wednesday night. (Maybe it's PMS, IDK.)

I know I'm not alone in this struggle, either. Ask any teacher in South Florida and they will tell you that the two and a half weeks out of school due to Hurricane Irma really put a damper on our school year. For those two weeks all I did was worry about my kiddos and their families. I was elated (really) to go back to school and see all of their sweet faces. 

Things have been difficult lately, though. Due to some unforeseen circumstances (Thanks, Irma) I got three new students in my class and some things have changed. I feel that, in my eleventh year teaching, I'm somewhat of a veteran. I know I have good management skills because people often come to watch me teach and observe them. (I'm not being arrogant, it's kind of true.) 

Lately though...I'm struggling. I'm struggling with the love I feel for these kids. I want them to succeed and to be happy. I want them to feel safe and loved when they come into our classroom. And I KNOW, because I've said it before, that they are just kids. But kids at my school are different. They are leaders and scholars and I just can't wrap my head around why we aren't being those things we need to be (me included).  

Part of it is me, I know that. I'm working on a mindset shift and reaching out to parents to help. The other part is where I'm lost. Is it them? Parents? (Don't even get me started on that bunny trail.) Sometime I get stuck on "WHERE'S THE PROBLEM AND HOW DO I FIX IT?" because that's just how my brain works. 

Maybe there are a lot of problems that I don't know about and that's where I'm not seeing the big picture. Maybe I'm struggling because I'm not getting to know these kids like I need to. Maybe I just need a weekend away at Disney World to solve all my problems and make me feel a little better. 

Okay, that last part is just wishful thinking. 

Point is, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. I wish I had some insight to share or some motivation to get you going, but I don't. 

All I can say is that if you're struggling too, come talk to me. We'll figure it out together. 

Or we can go for a drink and complain about it. 

Whichever. 

Happy Thursday. 

Like Herding Cats

I am so, so tired.

A couple of weeks ago those memes starting popping up...you know the ones?

I'm going to have to admit to LOLing loudly at that last one because I felt like that, oh, 37 times this week and it's only Wednesday. (It's Wednesday, right?) 

Okay, so, the end of the year is hard. Last year around this time I wrote this post about how I wasn't sad that the year was over because seriously last year was the worst year ever and I needed a break real bad, y'all. (Ironically I see all of those students from last year and I love them still. Okay, most of them.) 

Honestly, my kids checked out a week or so ago. Me? Not so much. I've still got a to-do list and on top of that list is keeping 23 7-8-year-olds entertained and, you know, alive. *Insert laughing/crying emoji here.* Sometimes I feel like I should be singing and dancing, sometimes my teacher voice is just a little too loud, and sometimes I just want to sit behind my desk and organize my paperclips. 

So, the end of the year is here and I see a lot of us doing and saying the same things. We have the same conversations and complain about what we need to get done. Our kids are having trouble and so are we. It takes a lot of patience that I feel only teachers have. Sometimes I lose that patience and it's a daily struggle, if we're being honest. There really isn't a tired like a teacher at the end of the year tired, but we make it work. 

I was texting my one of my BFFs the other day and we were talking about the end of the year. Her kid is in my class and we were joking about something he wanted to do. In my end of year post last year she was one of the ones I may have made fun of for crying (love you, buddy), but her comment to me was that this year is going to be "tear-worthy". 

I'm going to have to agree. 

Even when I'm angry or upset they still manage to make me smile. They hug me, make jokes, and tell me they love me every day. I don't have kids of my own, but I do know what the unconditional love of a child feels like and it's a beautiful thing. 

These kids are the coolest I've ever had. They get me They make me smile with the simplest things. Sometimes when I don't think they're listening they surprise me with some amazingly profound answer and my heart kind of grows. I have had so much fun nerding out about superheroes and books and movies with them. This class has helped me through the darkest time in my life and even though it's something they might not be aware of or remember, I will always remember their sweet hugs and kind words when I was broken. 

Yeah, I love these kids. I might cry a little. (I might be crying a little bit now.) 

It's still tough to get them to do stuff, though. 

Make the most of your seven days, friends. Remember that you are shaping tiny humans and you're going to send them off into the world. Help them to be kind and smart and love each other. 

Herd your cats well. 

Oh, and have a nice summer. 

Meanest Teacher Ever

My job is great.

I love it a lot.

But, sometimes...

Ugh.

Sometimes you really feel like the meanest teacher ever.

Like today, for example.

First of all, this week has already been nutso. We were out Monday and Tuesday, it's a full moon, and Halloween is on Saturday.

This feeling has been building for a few weeks now and today it kind of came to a head. My class was working in centers after an extensive review or rules and directions the day before. So, things were going great until it was time to clean up and switch. There were several groups that didn't clean up and as I walked around to monitor the process I noticed that many of them hadn't even done their center work. 

Now, centers is not a time for play in my classroom. I spent a great deal of time yesterday discussing expectations and I was really hoping that today would be better. 

I. 

Was. 

Wrong. 

(This is where the mean part comes in.) 

So, instead of finishing up our centers we all sat back down and went over our expectations AGAIN. This time we wrote them all on posters that I mentioned we would go over every single day until we got it right. 

You're probably thinking I'm a psychopath for getting this pissed off about centers, but we've been doing rotations since about the second week of school and there was really no reason for the types of behavior I was seeing to be happening. You might also think that I put too much pressure on my second graders. 

Well, here's the deal: 

I don't. I don't put a lot of pressure on them, but I do have high expectations for them. This is something I mention to these students every single day. Every day in my classroom I let them know that my expectations are high because I know they can do it. 

Were my second graders upset that we had to sit and talk about expectations and center rules instead of being set free to do things? Absolutely. 

Did I still have at least 80% of my class participating in writing those expectations? You know it. 

My kids know my expectations are high. They know that even though we had a four-day weekend that our rules did not change. They know that just because it's almost Halloween they still have to act like small, respectable humans. 

Am I mean because my expectations are high? Sometimes. 

Will I lower them? I won't. 

There are so many things I want my kids to know, but independent learning is high on the list. I try to start that early in the year and stress the importance of taking their learning into their own hands. You might think that sounds crazy but I truly believe that my second graders can do that. 

So, I felt mean at the end of the day. (Especially after THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED DURING MATH CENTERS, OMG.) 

My expectations will remain high and I will continue to remind them every darn day. And if that makes me mean...well, okay. ;)