This is a little bit different.
I mostly write about my teaching experiences and how to find the positive in situations. Sometimes I give out tips or make funny and cute lists. This is not one of those times.
I'm struggling, y'all.
This is my first "teacher post" of the year and, at this point, I'm not sure what I have to offer. I've spoken to a few friends already about it and they have been amazing at lifting my spirits. They've helped me see all of the things that have happened this year and tried to make sense of this feeling that leaves me crying in the shower on a Wednesday night. (Maybe it's PMS, IDK.)
I know I'm not alone in this struggle, either. Ask any teacher in South Florida and they will tell you that the two and a half weeks out of school due to Hurricane Irma really put a damper on our school year. For those two weeks all I did was worry about my kiddos and their families. I was elated (really) to go back to school and see all of their sweet faces.
Things have been difficult lately, though. Due to some unforeseen circumstances (Thanks, Irma) I got three new students in my class and some things have changed. I feel that, in my eleventh year teaching, I'm somewhat of a veteran. I know I have good management skills because people often come to watch me teach and observe them. (I'm not being arrogant, it's kind of true.)
Lately though...I'm struggling. I'm struggling with the love I feel for these kids. I want them to succeed and to be happy. I want them to feel safe and loved when they come into our classroom. And I KNOW, because I've said it before, that they are just kids. But kids at my school are different. They are leaders and scholars and I just can't wrap my head around why we aren't being those things we need to be (me included).
Part of it is me, I know that. I'm working on a mindset shift and reaching out to parents to help. The other part is where I'm lost. Is it them? Parents? (Don't even get me started on that bunny trail.) Sometime I get stuck on "WHERE'S THE PROBLEM AND HOW DO I FIX IT?" because that's just how my brain works.
Maybe there are a lot of problems that I don't know about and that's where I'm not seeing the big picture. Maybe I'm struggling because I'm not getting to know these kids like I need to. Maybe I just need a weekend away at Disney World to solve all my problems and make me feel a little better.
Okay, that last part is just wishful thinking.
Point is, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. I wish I had some insight to share or some motivation to get you going, but I don't.
All I can say is that if you're struggling too, come talk to me. We'll figure it out together.
Or we can go for a drink and complain about it.
Whichever.
Happy Thursday.
Love you, Ash. I know that I'm not a teacher but I am a parent so I see it from this angle. As long as you are trying the best you can with what you're given, that's what matters most. The kids can feel that and so can the parents. If there's struggle, it just means that there might be a different way to approach the situation... and I'm sure it's something that you'll figure out. You'll get there. What's that saying from A League of Their Own? "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great."
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