What Counts

I'm sitting here on a Wednesday night, after our very last faculty meeting of the year. After proctoring 3rd grade FSA testing this morning. After receiving my END OF YEAR CHECKLIST and HOLY SHIT, there are only fourteen days left of school?!

I know everyone is really excited and happy because YAY SUMMER but, y'all...I'm sad.

Now, if you've followed this blog you know that my twelve years of teaching have not always been easy. Most of the time I get the babies who need a little tough love and I give it to them. I sometimes whine and complain about it, but every year I know I'm changed because of the kids in my class. I know that they are put with me for a reason. Sometimes that reason is for me to grow as a teacher even though it also feels like I'm being tested.

Either way, we're supposed to learn and grow as teachers. If we don't, then why are we doing what we're doing? There's no point in doing the same thing we've always done when we get new students every year. When those students are different every year.  And, not only that, they are different from each other. (Trust me, I have identical twins and, wow, are they different.)

This year, despite its challenges, because there are always challenges, has been my best year. I took on some extra things outside of the classroom, but inside the class has been...really good? Not perfect, but really, really good.

Guys. I'm really sad this year is over. Look, I know my class is basically hand-picked from the best of the best but that doesn't mean that the kids are perfect. We've definitely had ups and downs and have had some "come to Jesus" moments, but for the most part I can't complain about these kids. They are smart, funny, , quick, weird...I can keep listing adjectives, but you get the idea.

I'm sitting here getting ready to start my end-of-year awards and picture presentation and I just keep thinking about how much I'm going to miss these kids! I don't get emotional, y'all know this, right? If I cry it's at books or Publix commercials in the privacy of my own home. I'm the one who makes fun of the people crying! (I'm getting a little choked up right now.)

I've learned a lot this year, like every year. Teaching advanced students is, in a sense, the same as teaching average or below average students. They still need to be enriched, challenged, and taught. I've enjoyed learning how to teach them this year and getting to know them and their special little personalities. Even their inability to go one day without talking about farting.

Fourteen days left? I hope they're good to you. I hope this year has been good to you, and that you've been good to your kiddos. That's what matters, right?

Make your last days count. I'm going to try.

What Good Teachers Do

I debated writing this post for a few reasons that may only make sense to me.

A. I don't want you to think I know what good teachers do because I think I'm a good teacher. (Also, I don't want you thinking I'm fishing for compliments. I am not.)

B. I don't want you to think I'm talking about you?

Okay, so. What do good teachers do? I'm sure if you ask any teacher they are going to give you a lot of different answers, because I don't think there is just one thing that good teachers do. Do good teacher follow the curriculum or do they follow their heart? Why can't they do both? Is there a book a about good teaching? Sure! Are there a lot of books about good teaching? Probably.

Have I read any of them? No.

I know. I love to read, but I'm just not good at reading self-help and informational text.

I think that good teachers care, and not because they feel like they have to. We all have those students that push our buttons and get on our nerves and basically drive us up the wall. Those are the ones we should care about most because those are the ones who need it the most. Does it always work like that? Absolutely not. Sometimes, even as adults, it's hard to muster the strength to care about someone when it seems like their sole purpose is to make you miserable. Should we always try? Yeah, I guess.

Investing in your kids. This may kind of seem like showing kids you care, but maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm really tired and shouldn't be blogging right now. By investing I mean more than hugging and talking to. Engage in an actual conversation. Show up at one of their extra event. Have lunch with them (UGH, lunch bunch). Work with them, encourage them, tell them you're proud of their accomplishments. There are so many ways we can invest in our kids and some of us are just not doing it. These kids, the little ones in our care right now? They are the future. This is it. It is literally right in front of us. Don't we want to make it better than it is right now?

Show up. Show up for work. Show up for life. Bring your best self. No matter what you're going through out in the real world. Trust me, I KNOW that shit gets hard. You don't have to tell me that there are things that you just can't control. But sometimes we just need to pick ourselves up and show up.

These past few days I've been out of my classroom to facilitate academic progress meetings. I've been sitting with other teachers and talking about other students and, damn, I miss my kids. This is probably the first year where I say things like that. I'm more frustrated by not being with my kids than I am about writing sub plans.

I miss showing up for them, you know? I've been greeting them before my meetings and checking in at lunch and recess, but it isn't the same. This year's group of kids is so funny and real and I've really been missing that time with them.

Well, I've kind of enjoyed bothered the front office people and yelling at people to "get out of my office", too, but it isn't the same as watching a little one learn, explore, and just enjoy life. (I hope they are enjoying life?)

Teachers. We only have a day and a half before spring break. After that, the end is nigh.

Show up for your kids. Love them. Invest in them. Yell at them if you need to, but make sure they know why.

Be good, okay?

Also, you got this.

Teacher Resolutions

I'm really not one to make New Year's Resolution as, from what I can tell from years past, the minute I promise to do something I...just don't do it.

Eat healthy? Where are the KitKats?

Work out more? Oh, look. A new book.

Meditate? Don't you mean sleep in?

Okay, so I probably could find the willpower to do those things, but it's more fun if I don't. You feel me?

As I'm lounging around today (eating KitKats and reading a book in basically pajamas) I also keep thinking about things I want to do in the new year as a teacher. I can't believe it's almost been one hundred days of school and I've only posted one thing about the year, and it wasn't even that good of a post, let's be honest.

So here are some things I want to work on, I guess.

Have more fun. 
That will probably sound like "do less teaching" to some, but that's not what I mean. I love my kids. They are amazing and fun and so funny. I want them to have fun and learn at the same time. My OCD tendencies are sometimes so strong that it doesn't always get to happen. I've learned to let go of some control over the years, but it's still hard sometimes.

Practice peace. 
If we're friends on Facebook or Twitter you may have seen my post about how one of my cuties told me I needed to go to yoga to "find my peace". Like I've said, my class is pretty well-behaved and this particular comment was made on a day before Thanksgiving break when I was seriously about to lose my shit. I do not like losing my shit. It is not peaceful. I want to work on that. I want to, as we try to teach our little leaders, seek first to understand (Habit #5).

Be present.
Sometimes it's so easy to give my kids an assignment and then disengage to do something around the class that I need/want to take care of instead of working with them and helping them work through and with ideas. I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm not a "teach from my desk" kind of teacher, but I can do better. I want to do better.

Love big.
This group of kids is one of the most lovable groups I've had in a while. Maybe it's because they feel a kindred spirit in me (we're all so weird) or maybe it's something bigger. Either way, I want them to leave this year feeling loved. Honestly, it's my top teacher dream.

Encourage loudly and often. 
That makes sense in my head, okay? People seem to think that just because you teach the higher students that they don't need to be encouraged or made to feel important. It is so important to me that I help celebrate every success my students make, whether it's big or small.

So. That's it? As I'm moving into the second half of my twelfth year teaching, I'm feeling such a peace. (It's starting already!) I'm loving all the interactions with my students (and even their parents!) and seeing all that they can do and all they will accomplish.

I hope that your year stays great if it's already going that way. I hope it gets better if you're struggling. I'm here if you need help.

Happy New Year, from my classroom to yours.

XOXO,
Ash

A Whole New Year

I realize that the title of this is a little...late? I mean, it's November and I'm just now sitting down to write a "welcome back" post?

Sometimes I feel like I don't have the words or that anything I have to say isn't good enough. Most posts I try to be as real as possible with my teacher struggles throughout the school year. So far this year...we're doing okay.

The fact that this is the first post of the school year should've probably tipped you off.

This August I started my twelfth year teaching. It's also my twelfth year at my school and my eighth teaching second grade. I made some expected and unexpected changes this summer. This year I stepped away from being team lead to help assist with curriculum and I also took on a new and exciting challenge in the classroom. My class this year is made up of Cambridge/Talented and Gifted students. The Cambridge program at my school is made up of high achievers and students who excel in leadership and behavior.

Basically, I'm teaching the smart, good kids.

Y'all.

It's amazing.

I know that probably sounds terrible. Like I don't care about the kids who struggle and I just like "LOL MY KIDS ARE GREAT" all the time. Okay, sometimes that is EXACTLY the case.

This year, even with all the extra things I've picked up at school, my class has been a huge blessing.  Honestly, though, taking this class on was a struggle for me. When my principal asked me to make the switch over the summer I immediately went to my favorite school support group. At the risk of sounding arrogant: I'm a good teacher. Can I get better? Always. Do my kids make growth because I invest my time in them? Absolutely. I was nervous about not being able to help the struggling learners. That might sound silly, but I love seeing those kids make growth. I love when they get it. 

I was nervous that I was going to get the kids who already get it and that I wouldn't know what to do with them. My best friend said "They are all weird like you, it's going to be great!" And, yeah, she was right. The rest of my people said all the right things and promised to help me along the way, so here I am. 

So far, this year has truly been amazing. I'm getting to work with kids who understand content and humor more than I'd ever known kids to do. They are sensitive and kind, but they are also still kids. Not everything is perfect every single day. We still struggle, but I feel like I'm getting to do so much more with this class. I've been able to introduce flexible seating, to provide more technology and centers, and we get to do more projects. 

Now, this doesn't mean that only high achievers should get to do these things. I realize as I typed all of those things that it seemed like only my "good" class can do those things. 

One of another major change this year is, again and always, me. I'm changed every year by the students in my class, and I'm always trying to learn from my mistakes. This year is about letting go a little bit more. I don't need to control every little thing in my classroom and I think having that mindset truly makes the difference. 

I still have very strict rules and procedures, but that helps my classroom run smoothly. My school still teaches leadership and the majority of my class excels in it. Like I said, though, they are still kids. Even though they are high achievers, they still need me, and that's nice. We've definitely had a couple of rough patches, but those are getting ironed out. Our moods are constantly changing and we are always learning new things about each other. 

I'm having a great time learning these kids and I hope that they feel the same about me. I also hope that you're taking the time to get to know your little (or big) ones. I hope you're invested and not distracted. I hope that you're giving it (and them) your all. 

We've got an important job. Do it well. 

Hey, follow me and my class on Twitter: @SuperMissVeale

The End of the Road

Oh, we are so close to the end here, y'all. Today I got to celebrate my Super Second Graders with an award ceremony in our classroom. Parents filled the room, snacks filled the table, and, believe or not, I was genuinely happy in my classroom for the first time in a long time. The families smiled and took pictures, parents and students thanked me for a great year. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt in a while.

I know, I know. That sounds terrible, right? Teaching is supposed to be fun and happy and rainbows.

Obviously, if you follow this blog or speak to me on a daily basis or are friends with my on any piece of social media you know that I've been struggling this year. My class is full of big personalities and, honestly, sometimes they aren't good traits. It has been a difficult year. For the most part I'm glad that it's over.

It's hard to be sad when I've struggled so much. I know that I always take something from each year. There's always that little nugget of inspiration that hopefully works for...someone? This year was all about patience for me. It was learning to bite my tongue when I really wanted to scream and yell. (Honestly, sometimes I did scream and yell.)

Even today, when nine students left after our ceremony, I had to get loud. 

There are just some things that teachers can't control and don't understand. I often hear/see teachers higher grade levels say things like "What until he/she gets to __ grade, then they won't act that way". Um, yeah, they probably will? I know for a fact that many of my former students with behavior issues are still struggling in higher grades. To me, that's comforting. It lets me know that it wasn't just me the student didn't mesh with. 

It also makes me sad, because it means that there is something with that child that is missing. Or that someone is missing. Sometimes it isn't something a teacher can do. As hard as I try to instill respect and responsibility in a students, it doesn't always work if there's no other back up. 

This job is not easy. This job is not always fun and rainbows. This job is kids who you can't reach, kids who struggle, and kids who need love. It isn't something that you take lightly and it isn't something that you can just let go. 

We all have our stories. We all have those students that stick with us. We have those classes we love and the ones that we don't love as much. When my father died in 2016 that class was The Class. They were challenging, but they were smart and weird and funny. They kept my mind off my grief and helped me through it. I know they will never know that, even though they knew what was going on in my life. 

I. Love. This. Job. I love the people I've met because of it. The friendships that I've built with colleagues, parents, and kids. This is a good job. 

And I am very ready to have a good summer. 

Before that, though... 

Be there. Be present. Give the hugs. Smile the smile. Yell if you need to. Let them know that you love them, even when they're difficult. 

You never know if you're the person they need in their life. 

Six more days, friends. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Guys. It's been a week. I mean, I know it's a new week because it's Sunday and all that, but...it's been a week. Maybe it's the fact that we're in the final few weeks of the year, or maybe we were all just grumpy last week, or, yeah I've got nothing else. 

Last week my class and I had multiple heart-to-heart conversations about showing respect for one another and, equally important, themselves. I tried to stress that the more they misbehaved, the more disrespectful they were. When they were talking or flat out not listening to directions it wasn't just hurting me, or those around them, they were hurting themselves too. 

The end of the year is stressful for everyone, and I know that it's the same with the students. (This post alone has made me break from my Weight Watchers plan. I've finished off a pint of Halo Top and now I'm eating Cheez-its.) It's the time of year when we expect more from them because they've been in school for almost 180 days. (Thanks, Irma.) We remind them that they are almost 3rd graders, they are leaders, and they have grown so much this year! 

We also remind them to...

Stay in their seat. 

Raise their hand.

Listen to directions. 

Do their homework. 

Did I mention stay in their seat? 

 Keep their hands to themselves. 

Use their manners.

I could go on and on.

Point is, some days feel like a huge fail. It feels like the whole year has been leading up to this. THIS? Now, don't take this the wrong way. I love my class. I am not a fan of the relationship we have right now. We lack mutual respect and need it now more than ever. I know it isn't there but students say things jokingly but it actually hurts my feelings. How does a 34-year-old get her feelings hurt by a second grader? Let me count the ways... 

Here's the thing. They don't have social cues to not say certain things, and to also not say certain things to adults. At some point we might want to sit back and think "Okay, parents should teach these things". Okay, but  so should we. 

That's what I'm trying to do. Desperately. 

In the meantime I absolutely do not want my students to be scared of me. I don't want them to be fearful that they are going to get into trouble. I want them to feel loved, but also feel disciplined in the way that they can tell the right thing from the wrong thing. 

Does that make sense? 

I want them to be good humans. 

So. 

35 more days to make it happen. 

Any suggestions? 

I'm sure i've used this before. 

Feels Like a Monday

Within the past twenty-four hours I've gotten two text messages with a "Forty days left of school!" kind of feel about them. My internal response was something kind of like this:

Of course, blah blah blah, I love my job and all of that. This year, guys. This year is tough. I was talking with a friend today about how I'd trade last year for this year. Not to beat a dead horse, but with so many changes it's been difficult to stay consistent in so many things. 

This year is definitely making me question my "awesome classroom management skills". This year is tough. 

I've been trying a lot of different things this year and most of it has been working. There are still those days, however. These days, you know what I mean? 

It's not like today was absolutely terrible, but it could have been better. My kids and I are moving into a new routine. I had a full-time intern who recently completed her time with us so I know we're going to have a bit of a transition period. It's been nice having two teachers in the room. Now that I'm on my own again (for the second time this year) I'm pretty tired and extra cranky. *insert laughing/crying emoji*

I know it's my own fault, for the most part. I'm a control freak and there are just some things I absolutely can't control. I can't control a kid's emotions, but I can control how I react to them reacting...if that makes sense? 

Every day is different and every day is a day for reflection...right? 

That's what I keep telling myself. 

And it's only Monday. 

Practice Makes Perfect

Teaching is absolutely not perfect, nor is my classroom. I just needed a catchy title and something that kind of went with my ideas that are about to vomit here.

Any time I blog about something, you should know that it's truly something I try or focus on in my classroom. I try really hard to lead and live by example, but also to share honestly about my teaching experience.

This year has been especially difficult (you can read my whining here) with so many changes, behavior problems, and IRMA. I try to start every new day with a new attitude. It doesn't do me well to think on mistakes we (my students or myself) made the day before. I'm fully aware that they are just tiny humans and I'm the one who needs to lead them.

Note the keyword there is "try". Some days the trying is harder than others. Some days there is no "try". (Nor is there any "do".)

Some days just suck.

But then! Then there are the good days. Okay, so when I say that there are good days it doesn't necessarily mean that everything was sunshine and roses and amazing. The chances that every single one of my students are absolutely perfect are slim to none. Unless they are all absent. Get it? 

Whatever. This week was a week of major triumphs for me with one of my students and I loved sharing it with others. 

At the risk of exposing students I will just tell you that this kid is tough. They are smart, funny, likeable...emotional...angry at times. 

This student is on a behavior chart and we work everydamnday on controlling those BIG emotions that they have. Despite having to call for assistance two days with them, they still met the goal on their chart four out of five days of the week. I say it's a perfect week because on Friday they actually had a perfect day. That means for every subject and every activity they did, there was acknowledgement of this good behavior. 

And, guys, this kid was thrilled. So was I. 

What did I do differently? Well, for four out of the five days I worked on ignoring the poor behavior. I used a calm and quiet teacher voice to speak reason with the student and when that didn't work I left them alone. Eventually they realized the things they were missing and they knew that if they wanted to meet their goal changes needed to be made. They made it happen on their own. 

I will admit to using my loud teacher voice on one of those days, but we all slip up sometimes. 

My point is: don't give up. 

If it's hard, it's because it's worth it. That always sounds to cheesy, but I truly believe. Teaching is hard, y'all. It's hard and it's important. 

Do the good work. 

You got this. 

Be the Change (in the Classroom)

Just last week or so I posted that this will be the "same old blog" and I'm going to stick to that in the best way I can. Some things are changing for ME, so I am making a little change to this old blog.

I've decided to make it more teaching centered, but still incorporate some motivational and touchy-feely posts I've grown to write and love.

Today, specifically, I'd like to talk about change in the classroom.

This is a tough subject for me because I tend to be very Type A. Sometimes I have a "things need to be a certain way and that's it" kind of mentality. Here's the deal with that, though: it doesn't work.  Stop me if I've done a post like this before (ha!) but I feel like I need a little reminder sometimes, too.

This year (if you've read my other posts) has been a challenge already. I say "already" and it's actually January- we're halfway through the year! So many things have happened since August but I'm still struggling with certain behaviors in my class. It's like one day is great and the next day the room is on fire (I'm on fire, everything is on fire).

I get so exhausted teaching this way and I know it's time to make a change. Change is just...hard. It's hard because it feels like what I've been doing for my eleven years of teaching has just worked. Then I start to question if it actually has been working...or if I just thought it was working. So. It's time to make a change. I know this change won't happen overnight. I know that it will take some researching and possibly some Pinteresting and even some (gasp) talking to others about what might work in my classroom.

I know that the change has to start with me. I'm the adult in the room. I set the mood. I need to be more present and more prepared. Personal feelings need to be set aside in order for change to take place. I can't hold against a kid something they did the day before (and I wouldn't, just saying) when I know that they are just kids. I need to be the model for them to follow.

So.

Point is, I'm ready for the change. This class that I have is interesting and they challenge me in all kinds of ways. For the most part they are an amazing and interesting group of kids. They truly are. We have fun and we learn and love...but we definitely have bad days. I guess I'm ready to take these challenges to the next level and turn them into triumphs.

Wow, that got real cheesy.

I guess you could call this a resolution for the new year. Y'all keep me accountable for this. (Don't let me yell at my class.)

Happy teaching.

Back at it Again

As of tomorrow summer is officially over. Can you believe it? June and July seemed to have flown by and tomorrow is the first day of school.

The past couple of weeks have been crazy as we've all been in various trainings and putting the finishing touches on our classrooms. It's also been fun catching up with friends that I've missed over the summer and making new ones. 

I love my job and I'm excited that I get to start my eleventh year teaching with some of my best friends in such an amazing school. This morning I started thinking about what a good back to school post should say and, while I didn't come up with much, I hope you'll find some inspiration in this mess that's about to happen. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. 

As a person who has self-diagnosed themselves with OCD, this is always a tough one for me. I like things a certain way and when you work in a room full of children it doesn't always happen that way. This is actually one of the hardest things for me to work through! It isn't just about what things look like, though. Sometimes you have those moments with students that are small (even if you think they're big) and it gets blown out of proportion. Solving the problem quickly and withing much attention or shifting your focus to something else is helpful.

Stay positive. 

This is going to sound repetitive of other blog posts, but it's so true. Staying positive, at least on the outside, is always a good thing. There will definitely be days that are tough. There are days when you want to call in sick, or walk out, or yell...but staying strong and dealing with things positively helps to build your relationship with your class. 

Find your person (or people). 

I feel lucky to have worked with some of my best friends for the past eleven years. Even if you don't have a "teacher best friend", look for a mentor or a buddy. Teaching isn't a job you can do alone, trust me. 

Get invested.

Teaching is not an easy job. It's not just hanging out with kids all day and going home with nothing on your mind. You have to learn your kids: what do they like, who are their friends, what's home like? There are so many things for you to learn about these little people that have been put into your care. You never know if you're the person who will change a child's life. 

Ask for help.

This goes with finding your person, maybe? People aren't going to know if you're struggling if you don't tell them. Even if you think it's something small. Even if you're embarrassed. Do it. 

Take care of yourself.

You're important too! As the leader in your classroom it's up to you to take care of the kids and yourself. Being of healthy mindset and body helps you to do your very best for you kids. 

Well. Like I said, tomorrow a new year begins. Maybe it's next week or next month for you, but I hope you get something out of this. 

Teaching is good work. 

Go do good. 

Class Dismissed

It's that time of year again! You know, the time when my friends start to get all emotional about saying goodbye to their students and I make fun of them? Yep, that time! There are two days left of school and at this point we're all kind of running around getting signatures, turning things in, and packing up our classrooms. I've had some very helpful students helping me pack (and having sing-a-longs) these past few days and, while my classroom is a complete disaster at the moment, it's been kind of fun.

Earlier this week I was writing in one of my student's "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" book and...I got emotional.

This class has been one of my most challenging, but also one of my favorites. (I say "challenging" instead of "bad" because it's nicer.) I've done a lot of soul searching with this class and these kids and have definitely learned a lot about myself as a teacher.

There are absolutely things I would have changed about my teaching this year. There are also a ton of things that I completely loved this year. I have seen some of my students make amazing growth, both academically and socially. Some went from being below grade level to ending the year above, and some grew so much socially/behaviorally that it actually does hurt to let them go. I have enjoyed watching them grow so very much.

Sometimes I feel that we get so caught up in the academics (I know. It's school.) that we forget about that we are also teaching little humans how to human. I have loved the changes I've seen this year. From students recognizing their own behaviors to having my shy ones completely come of out of their shells. They have changed and, hopefully, so have I.

I do say it every year: this job changes you. And that's not a bad thing. It's not always easy, either. It's hard to look at yourself, an all-knowing adult, and realize that a class full of little people is teaching you a life lesson. Besides patience, of course.

This year I have loved my sing-a-longing, book reading, hero loving kiddos.

Yeah, I might be sad this year.

But, then again, I'll see them all soon.

Happy (last two days of) teaching!

Teaching: What, like it's hard?

Teachers, do you ever get that? You might go out with friends, or talk to strangers, or come home to your loving family tired from a day of wrangling little ones, herding kittens...whatever you want to call it and something is just:

"Teaching?" 

Doesn't that make you just want to set something on fire? No? Maybe I have some unresolved anger issues. So, yes. Teaching is hard, but it's also the best. 

School has been in session for a couple of months and things are going pretty well. My class is good, though we definitely have some daily (hourly, minutely) challenges. We are learning to work together and how to be a team and I think that it's going pretty well. I was pretty excited about my superhero themed room and I feel thankful that my class responded well to it. It seems kind of silly, but I want them to be comfortable and happy so I tried to make it fun. 

I worked super hard over the summer setting everything up and it makes me happy to see my kiddos responding well to it. It also lets me know what they like and are into and how I can get to know them. 

Getting to know your kids is probably one of the most, if not the most important things about teaching. I honestly feel like by having those conversations and learning who your students are you build trust and a relationship that will last throughout the year, if not longer. I know that I am personally still connected to many of my teachers for those reasons. They took the time to build relationships with me, and I get to see it with some of my former students too. What we as teachers do now can last a lifetime...in a good or bad way. 

These first few months are critical when building trust. I'm lucky enough to work at a school who builds things like that into our daily routing. I learn about my kids just by sitting around and listening to them share things with each other at our morning meeting, whether it's their favorite superhero or their least favorite food. It can be something silly or we talk about the future and what goals we want to set for ourselves. 

So, yeah, maybe that does sound kind of easy, only it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. There are definitely going to be challenges. Sometimes you get new students who throw off your dynamic and you have to work as a team to build a new kind of dynamic. You don't always know your students' struggles at home or even in their own heads. There are so many things you have to cognizant and careful of that it is hard. 

But, like I said (and always say), it's the best work. So far this year I have seen many of my students overcome anxiety and fear just by simply raising a hand in class to offer an answer or to read aloud, which is a huge feat in my book. 

We do good work when we do it well, if that makes sense. There are so many things wrong with education these days (according to everyone who isn't a teacher) so we need to be what's right with education. Because, yeah, it is hard...but we make it look easy, right? 

I hope you're all having a great year and continue to be the best version of yourself. 

Happy teaching. 

Ready or Not...

...tomorrow is the first day of school and I AM FREAKING OUT, MAN.

Okay, so I'm not exactly freaking out like there's a troll in the dungeon but it's still a nerve-wracking time, you know? Technically I've been "back to work" since July 27th, which is kind of sad because summer was so short and that's, well, sad. (There's a big long explanation about that, but it's boring, so let's move on.)

I was actually pretty excited about going back to work; I won't lie. I had a great summer: mission trip with my church to Kentucky, two week long road trip with my family, and lots of books. But...something is always missing when I'm not at work.

Mainly: my purpose.

A lot of you are probably rolling your eyes and muttering about dramatics and stuff, but it's true! When I don't work I am useless. I eat, drink coffee, and read books. Do I change lives? No. I hardly even change out of my pajamas.

We (teachers) have spent the majority of our time back sitting in trainings, learning about new strategies, and calmly and silently freaking out about everything under the sun.

I left school at 6PM and the anxiety has slowly been building ever since. I know I'm a good teacher. I know it will be okay. I know I've already forgotten at least ten things that I need to do tomorrow.

I also know (sorry, that's a lot of "I"s) that I have one of the greatest jobs in the world.

There are tiny humans being tucked into their beds right now in preparation for tomorrow. There are parents getting ready to send their kiddos to school for us to watch over. Me and you! Isn't that amazing? Our speaker, Nick Vujicic, at the annual CSUSA Summit said people in America overuse the word "amazing". It is, however, amazing that we get the privilege to do what we do every single day.

I love my job and you will not hear me say anything different than that, even on my worst day. Tomorrow starts my TENTH year teaching and my tenth year at my school. It's a place I love to be. I love my people, my kids, my purpose.

Tomorrow, I hope you go into school full of love. I hope you go in full of hope. We are in charge of the future. We are here, on this earth and in these classrooms, to show these kids that they are better than the situations they are born into. They are better than the hand they've been dealt. They can be anything they want to be because we believe in them. Because we love them.

I hope you have an AMAZING (there's that word again) year.

XOXO

Like Herding Cats

I am so, so tired.

A couple of weeks ago those memes starting popping up...you know the ones?

I'm going to have to admit to LOLing loudly at that last one because I felt like that, oh, 37 times this week and it's only Wednesday. (It's Wednesday, right?) 

Okay, so, the end of the year is hard. Last year around this time I wrote this post about how I wasn't sad that the year was over because seriously last year was the worst year ever and I needed a break real bad, y'all. (Ironically I see all of those students from last year and I love them still. Okay, most of them.) 

Honestly, my kids checked out a week or so ago. Me? Not so much. I've still got a to-do list and on top of that list is keeping 23 7-8-year-olds entertained and, you know, alive. *Insert laughing/crying emoji here.* Sometimes I feel like I should be singing and dancing, sometimes my teacher voice is just a little too loud, and sometimes I just want to sit behind my desk and organize my paperclips. 

So, the end of the year is here and I see a lot of us doing and saying the same things. We have the same conversations and complain about what we need to get done. Our kids are having trouble and so are we. It takes a lot of patience that I feel only teachers have. Sometimes I lose that patience and it's a daily struggle, if we're being honest. There really isn't a tired like a teacher at the end of the year tired, but we make it work. 

I was texting my one of my BFFs the other day and we were talking about the end of the year. Her kid is in my class and we were joking about something he wanted to do. In my end of year post last year she was one of the ones I may have made fun of for crying (love you, buddy), but her comment to me was that this year is going to be "tear-worthy". 

I'm going to have to agree. 

Even when I'm angry or upset they still manage to make me smile. They hug me, make jokes, and tell me they love me every day. I don't have kids of my own, but I do know what the unconditional love of a child feels like and it's a beautiful thing. 

These kids are the coolest I've ever had. They get me They make me smile with the simplest things. Sometimes when I don't think they're listening they surprise me with some amazingly profound answer and my heart kind of grows. I have had so much fun nerding out about superheroes and books and movies with them. This class has helped me through the darkest time in my life and even though it's something they might not be aware of or remember, I will always remember their sweet hugs and kind words when I was broken. 

Yeah, I love these kids. I might cry a little. (I might be crying a little bit now.) 

It's still tough to get them to do stuff, though. 

Make the most of your seven days, friends. Remember that you are shaping tiny humans and you're going to send them off into the world. Help them to be kind and smart and love each other. 

Herd your cats well. 

Oh, and have a nice summer. 

Take a Day

I don't like not going to work. Like, some people enjoy a day off. They relax, read, shop...whatever. I don't. I worry.

Why?

Because I love my job. I love my kids. I feel guilty when I leave them.

Except for yesterday, that is.

I guess it comes to a point where you literally have to take a day off. You have to get your mindset right because everything feels wrong and everything is off and OH MY GOSH, WILL YOU JUST STOP TALKING is constantly happening in your head.

Yeah, that was me on Thursday. I worried for the majority of the day about whether or not I would have everything ready. Would my sub know what to do if I just wrote this, would the kids remember to do xyz...stuff like that.

Then it was time to go home and I just decided that it would be okay.

It's okay to take a day off because we teachers, me included, are humans.

Can you believe it?

I know some of you reading this won't think it really matters if I take a day off from work or not. You might not get the stress that we teachers deal with on a daily basis. Maybe you think that we just hang out and have fun all day and, sure, sometimes that's the case. Often times, it isn't though.

Teaching, in itself is not hard. It isn't difficult to plan, talk, and grade. It's not hard to pass out papers, put on band-aids, or reprimand.

What's hard is trying to do right by the kids that people have entrusted with you. It's hard to get to know them and to understand why they do certain things. Knowing how to teach them is hard. Understanding their actions is harder.

Forgiving them? Loving them? Man, that's easy.

I don't have kids of my own. I have twenty-three other people's children in my care. I see my friends and I hear them talk about their kids and their struggles and I think "Wow, that's hard". But, truth is, teachers have those struggles too. We struggle with when to discipline and when to let is slide. When to coddle and when to let them be independent.

It's a hard job, but it can be so rewarding.

So, I took a day. I could feel the stress of the past couple weeks of testing, mixed up schedules, license renewing, and just life settling on my shoulders.

It was a nice day. A greatly needed day. I've come to realize more and more this year that I need to do that. I need to take care of myself if I want to be the best teacher I can be. If I'm constantly focused on them, on the job, on anything else...then I'm not focused on me. That sounds selfish, but at the same time I know I'm not my best person when I'm stressed out over things or frustrated about, oh, everything. Thankfully, I have the best team ever who take care of my kiddos when I'm gone and tell me not to worry even though they know I will. (Love you guys. :P)

But, all that stress aside, I got to spend some time with one of my favorite people Thursday and then Friday my sister and I went to Disney World.

Honestly, who did you think I meant? GO SEE THIS MOVIE.
This also accurately describes life. 

It was nice and stress free. Well, if you don't count the stress I have over superhero movies, traffic, and the multitudes of people at Disney.

I could be overheard saying, more than once, "At least I'm not at work" and my sister would just shake her head. 

I missed my kids, but I'm glad I took a day. Hopefully I'll get back on Monday feeling refreshed and we'll be ready to take on the week together.  (Also, I have, like, 80 PTO hours, sooo...)

Also also, I woke up this morning with a lovely cold so I'm glad I had a day of fun before I started feeling like death. 

Kids Are Weird

First official day of spring break, wooo! I celebrated by sleeping until 8AM, rewatching a few episodes of Daredevil season one, reading a book, and taking a trip to the mall. I can assume that this is probably how the rest of spring break is going to be and I'm okay with that.

In the meantime, however, I'm sure I'll miss my kiddos. After all, they keep life very interesting. 

A week or so ago I was in the hallway with a fellow teacher taking our daily scheduled bathroom break when a teacher of another grade walked by. As she did, one of my students left the room to go to the bathroom but, before he left, he walked up close to me and whispered: 

"I wish you had shoelaces so I could tie them." 

I had to explain to the other teacher that this was pretty normal behavior. Stuff like this happens all the time. I mean, I was wearing a cute pair of Sperry slip-ons that didn't have shoelaces. 

Yeah, my kids are weird. 

That got me thinking about the other things my kids say and do, so I reached out to my teacher friends and asked them to share some things that they've seen or heard. We always joke that we're going to write a book, so I figured a blog post would do. I even told some of my students they other day that I was going to write a book about them and that they would be famous. They were excited (weirdos). 

I got quite a few responses, so I'm just going to list them below. If you didn't get a chance to respond, please leave something in the comments! 

"I miss you when I'm sleeping." 

"I love PE so much it makes me feel weird." 

"You have something in your ear." *kid sticks her finger in my ear*

"How did they have babies long ago?" 

"I think I'm getting my period." -said by a six-year-old

"If you fall into a black hole, can you get out?" 

While learning about space: "Have you ever been to space?" 

"Miss, where do cold sores come from?" -out of the blue while walking down the hall

Teacher: "Who is on the nickel?" 

Kid: "Pitbull." 

"I'm going to draw you a picture of Captain America. Do you want him with or without his uniform?" *my mind is in the gutter*

Teacher: "Today is National Read Aloud Day." 

Kid: "Yesterday was National Wine Day." 

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? You should put your name on one of those websites. You can tell them how much you like cats." 

And finally...

"Broken pencils can lead to the end of humanity. Too many broken pencils would make us cut down all the trees to make more pencils. If we cut down all the trees, we would have no more oxygen, leading to the end of humanity." 

Thanks to my friends who helped out with your stories! I know there are more and I can't wait to hear them all. Like I said, they keep me on my toes and make me smile (when I'm not crying internally). 

Happy spring break, friends! 

This Job Doesn't Always Suck (I Promise)

Oh, hey. It's been a while since I've sat down and put some words out here, so I thought I'd get on that. I mentioned a while back in This Job Sucks (But Not Really) that I didn't post a lot of things last year because a lot of the time I couldn't find the positive things to focus on. That's not the case this year and that's a good thing. I guess I just keep getting wrapped up in other things that I forget that I might have things to say.

This year has been going well and I know it's a huge mixture of things. I feel pretty confident about my classroom management and I really have a good group of kids. One thing that I'm really trying to focus on is not rewarding every little thing. I know, I can sense some of your teacher minds telling me I'm crazy, but I've found that it actually kind of works. I've mentioned before a fairly extensive classroom management training that I've done called Responsive Classroom and it's something that I truly believe in and (try to) use daily. I know that it's a learning process and I have to find what works for my class, but so far my students are doing pretty well. (I also did this last year and really enjoy it.)

The point of not giving rewards is that students should know the right way to behave. If we reward them every time they do something right, then they're going to grow up to be adults who demand recognition for every little thing. And we, as adults, know that that is just not how life works, am I right? So, I don't do a lot of individual behavior charts and things in my class, but I do special things like choosing a Mystery Leader and Mystery Line Walker. We do table points and are working on a system of rewards for good days with specialists (trust me, that is a whole other post...). But, for the most part, I have some good eggs in my class. I do have a few students that still ask for rewards or sometimes get greedy, but we're working on it.

One thing that made me smile last week was this:

Sometimes I do give rewards because I have some students who just need that love. And I'm not saying that it's something that stems from home, I just know that sometimes they need to know that i love them. Last week I gave one of my kids a choice of four little plastic dinosaurs because he had a really, really good week. He deserved it. Honestly. He really, really did. (Sometimes it's hard.) He chose what he wanted and I left the room to go to my dismissal duty. I was kind of iffy about it, but when I told him he could his smile was huge. Then, when I came back, I found that note on my desk. 

Last year, even though it was tough, I still had a lot of awesome kids. Today was the last day for our student-led conferences (where the students tell their parents about their accomplishments) and my kids did really well. I couldn't help but think back to a situation that I had last year in preparation for all of these meetings, though. I shared with a few of my friends what happened when one of my high performing students came in with their parents and the parents were...not nice? It wasn't that they were unkind to me (although they did ask for hand sanitizer immediately after shaking my hand), but I was very disappointed in the way they treated their very intelligent, very hard working child. It was just little, nit-picky things, but it upset the student and it upset me. I don't often get emotional, but I remember calling my own mother, bursting into tears, and thanking her for not being an asshole when I was growing up. I was a fairly intelligent child (mediocre adult), but I never felt pressured to do more than simply my best. I know that my parents were disappointed if I didn't do well. (I personally thought the world would end when I got my first B in third grade.) I also knew that my parents would support me no matter what and would always want what was best for me. This kid had so much pressure on them and I hated to see them upset. It's so easy to try to focus on the negative, but it's so much better to point out the positive. That's something I'm striving for this year. 

My conferences this year were amazing. The kids did well, the parents were proud. I almost got emotional just listening to parents telling their kids, my kids how proud they were of them. I love that. I love to see my kids lifted up by people who love them. Like I said above, sometimes it's so, so hard. But it's also so, so worth it. 

Well, there's a bunch of rambly things that I hope you can make some sense of. I hope you're having a great year so far and that you and your kiddos are having fun. This job is hard, but it's good. 

Here's a picture of a cookie I got after a conference. I'm a little spoiled. 

It's like they know me or something.

Happy teaching.

Like We Were Children

I get a lot of good ideas when I'm running, which is really bad because I obviously can't write anything down and I also have a terrible memory.

I am Dory. Dory is me. 

A few days ago I was running and one of my favorite songs came on and I had this great idea for a blog post. Then REAL LIFE kept moving on and I...forgot.

But I remembered! 

I love the Christian rock band NEEDTOBREATHE and when these lyrics came on they just kind of spoke to me: 

"Let us love like we were children,

make us feel, like we’re still living-

in a world, I know, that’s burning to the ground.

Give us time to beat the system,

make us find what we’ve been missing-

In a world, I know, that’s burning to the ground." 

It's a little morbid to think of the world "burning to the ground", so I really focused on the "like we were children" part. Those are the words that got to me. See, school starts in just a few days and children are about to become my (our) job again. 

One thing I love about teaching is the way that kids view the world. At this point in their lives most of them are still so innocent and full of wonder. 

If you haven't seen Rise of the Guardians do it. 

It is so much fun to watch kids learn, grow, and succeed. That is what I am looking forward to the the most this year. Last year I struggled, but when I look back on the successes that my students did have I am genuinely moved. You have heard me say it over and over again: these kids change me. For the most part I am changed for the better. We are put to tests and faced with things that a lot of people do not have to deal with- but we do it.

I know that if I'm challenged it's because I need to change. 

If something isn't working I need to fix it.

The resilience that some students have always amazes. Students go through so much more than even know and it is a privilege to be a part of their lives (even if we might not always feel like it). 

I try to set goals for myself every year whether it be about how to lead my team or how to teach my students. This week my motto has been "less is more". I've just been muttering or yelling it down the halls at random times and people. (I'm sorry.)

Part of me isn't really sure what I want less/more of, but I'm working on it. I want more wonder and less worry, that's for sure. As a teacher I want to be able to see the world like my kids do; to wake up every day excited to learn.

I want to live, love, and learn like children do.

Simple. Fun. Wondrous.  

I'm nervous about next week, but I'm also excited. I've learned a lot this past week and I'm ready to get it out there and share it with my kids. 

I hope you're ready, too. 

Here We Go Again

It's that time of year again! The beginning of August, the cooler weather (anywhere other than Florida), and school supplies have taken over every possible store you walk into.

Every.

Single.

One.

Okay, not all of them but I'd still like to walk into Publix without being drawn to stacks upon stacks of Crayola.

Me talking to summer, that which I love.

I spent four days last week in a pretty intense classroom management/strategies training with about nine other colleagues and I found myself already invigorated for the new year. Of course, now training is over but I've received my back to school letter and I feel like I've done a complete one-eighty in the past three days. 

Saying goodbye to summer is so hard! (I say this from a single, childless person's point of view, okay?) 

Since the time is upon us and there's no turning back I took to Facebook to ask my teacher friends: 

What is your favorite thing about the beginning of a new year? 

Here are a few responses with possible explanations in no particular order except when they were posted. 

1.) New School Supplies: This is totally nerdy, but I love school supplies. Sure I cringe in July when they're taunting me at the grocery store, but I love them and so do my friends. There's just something about the smell of fresh Crayola that brings hope and promise into your life. Don't believe me? SMELL THE CRAYONS. New notebooks, new pens, new lunchbox, new backpack! It's all so magical. 

I also acquired some new notebooks...

2.) Seeing Their Faces for the First Time: There really is something so magical about being a teacher. I've said in other posts that we are privileged to be able to make an impact in the lives of students, but I've also talked about how they change us. (You can read by post about my sweet friend Sebastian here.) So many emotions go through you and the students on the first day of school. They look so cute in their new uniforms with all their new supplies! They're excited to meet new friends, to play with old ones, and hopefully to learn new things, too. It's also nice to see some of them on their best behavior for the first few days of school. (Also: FEAR.)

3.) Decorating Your Classroom: Right now this is what I'm dreading, but I know that I'm going to be on fire come Wednesday morning when I get into my classroom. I love learning new things about classroom layout and being able to apply those in real time. I'm definitely excited to take what I learned in my training and get it done. 

4.) Sense of Purpose: Do we lose that over the summer? Some of us might. I try to keep busy so I don't, but that isn't always the case. When we're working we know what's expected and we know what we want. Summer is lazy time. (I started a book blog to help me stay busy: Ash Reads Stuff.) I think keeping a routine goes with this one, also. I love being lazy and slothlike but routines are nice, too. 

5.) Open House: Open house is a great place to get to know your students and their families, and for them to get to know you. And, sadly, it might be the only time you see their family. 

6.) Putting New Methods Into Place: Summer is a great time for Professional Development, if you're into that sort of thing. I love (haha, kind of) reflecting on the year before and knowing what works well and what I need to change. Back to school is always eye opening in a lot of ways. 

Those were the main thoughts that my colleagues and friends had to share. The new school year is a blank slate just waiting for us to dirty it up with all our different successes and failures. Yes, it's sad to say goodbye to summer, but we also get to say hello to new supplies, new students, new friends, and- most importantly- old ones. 

I hope you have a great year! 

This Job Sucks (But Not Really)

Friday was the last day of school and, as I walked down the halls during dismissal, I noticed something. The last day tears of teachers is what I saw. Now, I'll be the first to admit that in front of people I'm not overly emotional. When I'm alone? Psh. I cry like a baby. It could be about a book or a Publix commercial or I can think about "that one time something sad happened" and I'm a waterfall. But, in front of people? I don't cry.

Also, crying makes me uncomfortable so if I made fun of you on Friday please know that I'm sorry and it's just because crying makes me feel weird.

Here's the thing, though: I didn't cry because I am genuinely happy that this year is over. I've hardly posted anything this year because I really try to find the positive in all situations and share that knowledge and finding it this year was very, very difficult.

Now, don't get me wrong, okay? I had plenty of good moments with my class. I loved each and every one of them differently and I am so glad I got to spend 180 day with them, but it was hard. I said in this post last year that it was my best year, and I'm going to have to stick with that. If last year was my best, then this year was the most challenging.

The year started out difficult considering I started a new behavior plan in my class. I did away with the color chart and relied solely on a training I'd taken over the summer and my school's leadership plan. I knew it was going to be hard, but I managed it and in the long run we made it work. I don't feel like a color chart would have been helpful for some of my students (who would have been on red every single day, for real) and I think that students taken responsibility for their actions is much more effective.

It's that thinking that kept me going this year.

What's fair for one student isn't fair for all.

What works for one won't work with another.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

This year was a year of learning for me. I always joke that the thing that teaching has taught me is patience, but it's easy to point out all of the times I lost my patience with my students. Instead of losing it I focused on trying to be calm and using a soft voice instead of yelling. Honestly, the soft voice kind of freaked them out so it was a win. I also really tried to have fun with them because I think we all always forget that they're just kids, and sometimes they can't help what they do.

I definitely felt like I grew as a teacher this year. Like I said, it was the most challenging year I've had. I've never had students as difficult as I did this year, but I've also never felt closer to my team and my colleagues, either. I am thankful for the people I work with who let me vent, gave advice, or just agreed when they knew it was what I needed.

So, I guess am a little bit sad about the end of the year. I know there's always going to be students who leave a mark on your heart, good or bad. There's going to be your mini-mes and the ones that get your jokes better than most adults do. The ones that you could hug all day whose parents don't believe how good they are at school. And the ones that make you work for it: the ones that keep you on your toes, keep you up at night, and break your heart every single day.

Being a teacher is a privilege...but so is summer vacation. Enjoy.