The End of the Road

Oh, we are so close to the end here, y'all. Today I got to celebrate my Super Second Graders with an award ceremony in our classroom. Parents filled the room, snacks filled the table, and, believe or not, I was genuinely happy in my classroom for the first time in a long time. The families smiled and took pictures, parents and students thanked me for a great year. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt in a while.

I know, I know. That sounds terrible, right? Teaching is supposed to be fun and happy and rainbows.

Obviously, if you follow this blog or speak to me on a daily basis or are friends with my on any piece of social media you know that I've been struggling this year. My class is full of big personalities and, honestly, sometimes they aren't good traits. It has been a difficult year. For the most part I'm glad that it's over.

It's hard to be sad when I've struggled so much. I know that I always take something from each year. There's always that little nugget of inspiration that hopefully works for...someone? This year was all about patience for me. It was learning to bite my tongue when I really wanted to scream and yell. (Honestly, sometimes I did scream and yell.)

Even today, when nine students left after our ceremony, I had to get loud. 

There are just some things that teachers can't control and don't understand. I often hear/see teachers higher grade levels say things like "What until he/she gets to __ grade, then they won't act that way". Um, yeah, they probably will? I know for a fact that many of my former students with behavior issues are still struggling in higher grades. To me, that's comforting. It lets me know that it wasn't just me the student didn't mesh with. 

It also makes me sad, because it means that there is something with that child that is missing. Or that someone is missing. Sometimes it isn't something a teacher can do. As hard as I try to instill respect and responsibility in a students, it doesn't always work if there's no other back up. 

This job is not easy. This job is not always fun and rainbows. This job is kids who you can't reach, kids who struggle, and kids who need love. It isn't something that you take lightly and it isn't something that you can just let go. 

We all have our stories. We all have those students that stick with us. We have those classes we love and the ones that we don't love as much. When my father died in 2016 that class was The Class. They were challenging, but they were smart and weird and funny. They kept my mind off my grief and helped me through it. I know they will never know that, even though they knew what was going on in my life. 

I. Love. This. Job. I love the people I've met because of it. The friendships that I've built with colleagues, parents, and kids. This is a good job. 

And I am very ready to have a good summer. 

Before that, though... 

Be there. Be present. Give the hugs. Smile the smile. Yell if you need to. Let them know that you love them, even when they're difficult. 

You never know if you're the person they need in their life. 

Six more days, friends. 

Back at it Again

As of tomorrow summer is officially over. Can you believe it? June and July seemed to have flown by and tomorrow is the first day of school.

The past couple of weeks have been crazy as we've all been in various trainings and putting the finishing touches on our classrooms. It's also been fun catching up with friends that I've missed over the summer and making new ones. 

I love my job and I'm excited that I get to start my eleventh year teaching with some of my best friends in such an amazing school. This morning I started thinking about what a good back to school post should say and, while I didn't come up with much, I hope you'll find some inspiration in this mess that's about to happen. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. 

As a person who has self-diagnosed themselves with OCD, this is always a tough one for me. I like things a certain way and when you work in a room full of children it doesn't always happen that way. This is actually one of the hardest things for me to work through! It isn't just about what things look like, though. Sometimes you have those moments with students that are small (even if you think they're big) and it gets blown out of proportion. Solving the problem quickly and withing much attention or shifting your focus to something else is helpful.

Stay positive. 

This is going to sound repetitive of other blog posts, but it's so true. Staying positive, at least on the outside, is always a good thing. There will definitely be days that are tough. There are days when you want to call in sick, or walk out, or yell...but staying strong and dealing with things positively helps to build your relationship with your class. 

Find your person (or people). 

I feel lucky to have worked with some of my best friends for the past eleven years. Even if you don't have a "teacher best friend", look for a mentor or a buddy. Teaching isn't a job you can do alone, trust me. 

Get invested.

Teaching is not an easy job. It's not just hanging out with kids all day and going home with nothing on your mind. You have to learn your kids: what do they like, who are their friends, what's home like? There are so many things for you to learn about these little people that have been put into your care. You never know if you're the person who will change a child's life. 

Ask for help.

This goes with finding your person, maybe? People aren't going to know if you're struggling if you don't tell them. Even if you think it's something small. Even if you're embarrassed. Do it. 

Take care of yourself.

You're important too! As the leader in your classroom it's up to you to take care of the kids and yourself. Being of healthy mindset and body helps you to do your very best for you kids. 

Well. Like I said, tomorrow a new year begins. Maybe it's next week or next month for you, but I hope you get something out of this. 

Teaching is good work. 

Go do good. 

Ready or Not...

...tomorrow is the first day of school and I AM FREAKING OUT, MAN.

Okay, so I'm not exactly freaking out like there's a troll in the dungeon but it's still a nerve-wracking time, you know? Technically I've been "back to work" since July 27th, which is kind of sad because summer was so short and that's, well, sad. (There's a big long explanation about that, but it's boring, so let's move on.)

I was actually pretty excited about going back to work; I won't lie. I had a great summer: mission trip with my church to Kentucky, two week long road trip with my family, and lots of books. But...something is always missing when I'm not at work.

Mainly: my purpose.

A lot of you are probably rolling your eyes and muttering about dramatics and stuff, but it's true! When I don't work I am useless. I eat, drink coffee, and read books. Do I change lives? No. I hardly even change out of my pajamas.

We (teachers) have spent the majority of our time back sitting in trainings, learning about new strategies, and calmly and silently freaking out about everything under the sun.

I left school at 6PM and the anxiety has slowly been building ever since. I know I'm a good teacher. I know it will be okay. I know I've already forgotten at least ten things that I need to do tomorrow.

I also know (sorry, that's a lot of "I"s) that I have one of the greatest jobs in the world.

There are tiny humans being tucked into their beds right now in preparation for tomorrow. There are parents getting ready to send their kiddos to school for us to watch over. Me and you! Isn't that amazing? Our speaker, Nick Vujicic, at the annual CSUSA Summit said people in America overuse the word "amazing". It is, however, amazing that we get the privilege to do what we do every single day.

I love my job and you will not hear me say anything different than that, even on my worst day. Tomorrow starts my TENTH year teaching and my tenth year at my school. It's a place I love to be. I love my people, my kids, my purpose.

Tomorrow, I hope you go into school full of love. I hope you go in full of hope. We are in charge of the future. We are here, on this earth and in these classrooms, to show these kids that they are better than the situations they are born into. They are better than the hand they've been dealt. They can be anything they want to be because we believe in them. Because we love them.

I hope you have an AMAZING (there's that word again) year.

XOXO

The Time is Now

There's a Kid President video that talks about how now is the time to be awesome. Now is the time to show kindness, to do something good, to be your best self.

In light of recent events around the world this weekend, I'm going to reiterate that statement.

The time is now, friends.

It's time to let go of our pettiness and anger.

It's time to love.

We have been watching this world fall apart for months, even years. Lives are threatened and ended every single day because of race or religion or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. People are dying because they left their homes and went about their normal day.

It isn't fair that these things happen and, more than that, it isn't right. We see these events on our news every day and we ignore them or argue about them. We fight about who is right or wrong, argue about race and religion, but do we help anything by doing that?

The answer is no, people.

By posting those arguments and by choosing sides we don't do anything but continue to harm. To me, there is only one side we need to choose:

Life.

I'm on the side of life, what about you?

Not only am I on the side of life, I'm on the side of love.

I have been in the position where I wanted to hate in my own personal life and it got me nowhere. Okay, that's a lie. It got me depressed and angry. That's what hate does. Hate solves nothing and it only brings a person down. If we continue to show hatred then nothing will ever change.

My pastor shared an amazing message about this today. We, as humans, carry so many emotions and when we hear of terrible things there are many, many reactions we can have. We can hate and want revenge, but in the end that isn't going to help anything. The only way we are going to change anything, including ourselves is to love. We can spread that love, share the light, be the light with the world. Be there for those who are sad and suffering. We can pray for peace for all of those and hope. We can hope for things to be better one day.

Choosing love isn't always easy, though. One of my favorite quotes actually comes from the Harry Potter series (that should not surprise anyone). It's this:

"We must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy." 

That's pretty heavy stuff. Choosing love isn't easy, but it's right. Hoping for something better in trying times isn't easy, but it helps. Forgiveness...man, that's a tough one...but it's right.

Maybe we aren't ready to forgive, but in the meantime there are other things we can do. There are other things to focus on than hatred against others.

As a Christian, I know I am called to love and I know I know I know it's something that I struggle with sometimes. But now, today, I feel that calling so very strongly.

Even if you aren't a Christian, as a human, we should be ready to lift others up no matter what the color of their skin, how they worship, or what they believe.

I'm going to try to do that this week. I hope you will too.

No Man is an Island

I've been playing around with the idea for this post for a few months. Probably since before the end of last school year and I just couldn't find the words to make it work. I don't know if these are the words that are going to make it work, but I'm going to try.

This weekend my sister and I went on kind of a "spiritual binge" at Rock the Universe (a two-night Christian music festival at Universal Studios) and a lot of it was incredibly eye-opening.

I titled this post "No Man is an Island" for a couple of reasons:

#1: It's a song by one of my very favorite bands Tenth Avenue North.

#2: It's a song that speaks to me about life. My life now, and what my life used to be like.

#3: It's a cool title.

Okay, so I get a lot of flack from people who think I'm kind of cranky and moody and, well, you get the idea. Sometimes I can be those things, but most of the time I try really, really hard not to be.

See, there was a time in my life when I was really cranky. Like...

Mean.

Angry.

Hateful.

I don't want to be those things anymore, so I do my best to be...nice. A lot of the time I'm just really sarcastic and people don't get it. I'm working on that too.

Anyway, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that if I didn't have people in my life to keep me balanced I would still be that person. So many things have changed since my life was like that. I remember so vividly my very first evaluation at the end of my first year of teaching. My observer mentioned that my mentor teachers said something along the lines of me "not working well with others".

That was my first reaction and my initial feeling. Of course, we always want to blame others for our mistakes because that's easier. It's easier not to feel accountable for anything, including our own faults. It's taken me a while to get through that initial evaluation. I think about it every year when I start fresh with my team. I think about how we share ideas, triumphs, challenges...and I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I'm not alone and that I have people who have my back. 

I feel like this goes with so many other parts of my life, though. I love to be alone, but I know that it's important to have people to support you. For me, the change started when I began attending church regularly. It had been so long since I'd let anyone into my life that it was kind of scary. But, here I was reconnecting with my best friend, making new friends, and welcoming God back into my life. 

I know that getting back into church is way turned my life around. I know that committing to a life with Christ is what helped get me over whatever I was dealing with. (I think I'm mostly over it?) 

Because of that I'm able to share my life with others. Because of that I know I'm not alone. I think it's important to find your people, no matter where you are. I have a lot of people and I'm so, so grateful for all of them. 

One of the things that stuck with me the most this weekend was something Mike Donehey, the lead singer for Tenth Avenue North said. I can't remember the exact quote, but it he was talking about wanting to be used by God in any way possible and how important it was to not look down on others or judge others because we think we are better than them. I think that's so important, and it's one of the things I struggle with everyday. It's not easy to admit that, but it's true. 

I have people to keep me in check everywhere I turn. There are so many things that I need help with and I'm glad that my eyes are finally open to that. I'm thankful to have a family that keeps me on my toes, people who help me be a better teacher, lifegroups that help me be a stronger Christian, friends to be honest with me when it matters most. 

We are not islands. We can't do life alone. I'm thankful everyday for the people I get to do life with.   

Remember that next time you think I'm being mean.

That last part was a joke. 

Here's the video for this lovely song: 

Like We Were Children

I get a lot of good ideas when I'm running, which is really bad because I obviously can't write anything down and I also have a terrible memory.

I am Dory. Dory is me. 

A few days ago I was running and one of my favorite songs came on and I had this great idea for a blog post. Then REAL LIFE kept moving on and I...forgot.

But I remembered! 

I love the Christian rock band NEEDTOBREATHE and when these lyrics came on they just kind of spoke to me: 

"Let us love like we were children,

make us feel, like we’re still living-

in a world, I know, that’s burning to the ground.

Give us time to beat the system,

make us find what we’ve been missing-

In a world, I know, that’s burning to the ground." 

It's a little morbid to think of the world "burning to the ground", so I really focused on the "like we were children" part. Those are the words that got to me. See, school starts in just a few days and children are about to become my (our) job again. 

One thing I love about teaching is the way that kids view the world. At this point in their lives most of them are still so innocent and full of wonder. 

If you haven't seen Rise of the Guardians do it. 

It is so much fun to watch kids learn, grow, and succeed. That is what I am looking forward to the the most this year. Last year I struggled, but when I look back on the successes that my students did have I am genuinely moved. You have heard me say it over and over again: these kids change me. For the most part I am changed for the better. We are put to tests and faced with things that a lot of people do not have to deal with- but we do it.

I know that if I'm challenged it's because I need to change. 

If something isn't working I need to fix it.

The resilience that some students have always amazes. Students go through so much more than even know and it is a privilege to be a part of their lives (even if we might not always feel like it). 

I try to set goals for myself every year whether it be about how to lead my team or how to teach my students. This week my motto has been "less is more". I've just been muttering or yelling it down the halls at random times and people. (I'm sorry.)

Part of me isn't really sure what I want less/more of, but I'm working on it. I want more wonder and less worry, that's for sure. As a teacher I want to be able to see the world like my kids do; to wake up every day excited to learn.

I want to live, love, and learn like children do.

Simple. Fun. Wondrous.  

I'm nervous about next week, but I'm also excited. I've learned a lot this past week and I'm ready to get it out there and share it with my kids. 

I hope you're ready, too. 

Here We Go Again

It's that time of year again! The beginning of August, the cooler weather (anywhere other than Florida), and school supplies have taken over every possible store you walk into.

Every.

Single.

One.

Okay, not all of them but I'd still like to walk into Publix without being drawn to stacks upon stacks of Crayola.

Me talking to summer, that which I love.

I spent four days last week in a pretty intense classroom management/strategies training with about nine other colleagues and I found myself already invigorated for the new year. Of course, now training is over but I've received my back to school letter and I feel like I've done a complete one-eighty in the past three days. 

Saying goodbye to summer is so hard! (I say this from a single, childless person's point of view, okay?) 

Since the time is upon us and there's no turning back I took to Facebook to ask my teacher friends: 

What is your favorite thing about the beginning of a new year? 

Here are a few responses with possible explanations in no particular order except when they were posted. 

1.) New School Supplies: This is totally nerdy, but I love school supplies. Sure I cringe in July when they're taunting me at the grocery store, but I love them and so do my friends. There's just something about the smell of fresh Crayola that brings hope and promise into your life. Don't believe me? SMELL THE CRAYONS. New notebooks, new pens, new lunchbox, new backpack! It's all so magical. 

I also acquired some new notebooks...

2.) Seeing Their Faces for the First Time: There really is something so magical about being a teacher. I've said in other posts that we are privileged to be able to make an impact in the lives of students, but I've also talked about how they change us. (You can read by post about my sweet friend Sebastian here.) So many emotions go through you and the students on the first day of school. They look so cute in their new uniforms with all their new supplies! They're excited to meet new friends, to play with old ones, and hopefully to learn new things, too. It's also nice to see some of them on their best behavior for the first few days of school. (Also: FEAR.)

3.) Decorating Your Classroom: Right now this is what I'm dreading, but I know that I'm going to be on fire come Wednesday morning when I get into my classroom. I love learning new things about classroom layout and being able to apply those in real time. I'm definitely excited to take what I learned in my training and get it done. 

4.) Sense of Purpose: Do we lose that over the summer? Some of us might. I try to keep busy so I don't, but that isn't always the case. When we're working we know what's expected and we know what we want. Summer is lazy time. (I started a book blog to help me stay busy: Ash Reads Stuff.) I think keeping a routine goes with this one, also. I love being lazy and slothlike but routines are nice, too. 

5.) Open House: Open house is a great place to get to know your students and their families, and for them to get to know you. And, sadly, it might be the only time you see their family. 

6.) Putting New Methods Into Place: Summer is a great time for Professional Development, if you're into that sort of thing. I love (haha, kind of) reflecting on the year before and knowing what works well and what I need to change. Back to school is always eye opening in a lot of ways. 

Those were the main thoughts that my colleagues and friends had to share. The new school year is a blank slate just waiting for us to dirty it up with all our different successes and failures. Yes, it's sad to say goodbye to summer, but we also get to say hello to new supplies, new students, new friends, and- most importantly- old ones. 

I hope you have a great year! 

Thank You!

So, thanks to TimeHop I was able to find out that my blog is two years old! That's two years of me whining and complaining, and two years of you reading it!

But really, so much has happened in the past two years that I just wanted to stop and say thank you. Whether you are a friend, colleague, family member, or perfect stranger. Thanks for stopping by to read about my journeys into teaching, running, and weird random things. I appreciate all of you.

You're awesome.

Why Does This Kid Hate Me? (And Other Burning Questions)

Total disclaimer here: I've never actually had a kid say they hate me. I have, however, been on the end of several angry glares. I mean a lot of them. I'm tough, okay? Some days I feel like the meanest teacher in the whole wide world; but I know that, for the most part, my strategies are effective.

I think it's important to be fair to all students, but also to remember that what is fair for one isn't necessarily fair for another.

So, yesterday one of my kids got mad at me and said: "My teacher ruins everything!"

You've figured me out, kid. MY WHOLE PLAN IS RUINED.

Honestly, I don't care that he said it. I thought it was a little funny, but I do wish that he'd waited until he was more than two feet away from me to complain about how horrible I am. I don't even wonder what I did to make him say that, but it does raise the question of: How is this my fault? 

I've spent the better part of the year working on classroom management, behavior charts, marble jars, and heaven only knows what else to make everything fair for everyone. So, yeah, he was mad. I knew it was going to be a tough conversation. It definitely wasn't the first one and I know without a doubt that it won't be the last one. That's okay, though. I can "ruin everything", but that doesn't mean I don't care.

One thing I try to focus on in my classroom is student accountability. I want my kids to be responsible for their own behavior as well as their learning. Yeah, I'm up there talking, but you need to listen. (Really.) Which brings me to another question: WHY CAN'T YOU STOP TALKING?

Oh. Em. Gee. We've been back from spring break for almost two weeks and it hasn't stopped yet. Sometimes I just want to do a mic drop and walk out of my class. Of course, I'd be sad if they didn't notice I was gone so I won't leave. You're kids, I get it. But like...just...shhh, okay?

  

Does that kid really hate me? That's a given: no, that kid doesn't hate me and I know it. I know that something is going on and that something is different. I know I'm going to keep building the relationship I've worked on all year and hope that I get through to them. Trust me, I've seen it happen. Even today I had an experience with another student I've been working with. It isn't easy, but it's worth it.

I don't have a lot of inspiration to give right now, I just know that I can't give up yet. Today was a tough one, I won't lie. I've been having a lot of tough conversations with students and I'm just kind of over it. I want everyone to get along and that doesn't always happen. Sometimes some kids surprise you, though. That's always nice. I try to focus on the positive, especially with just a few weeks left in the year. Sometimes those things are too few and far between, but sometimes they aren't. Maybe it's a hug, or a smile, or a half of a construction paper heart. Whatever your piece of positive is, embrace it.  

That's all I've got. Also: it's almost Friday. 

LOL

Here are some thoughts that when through my head today:

Ugh, Monday. 

OMG, TRAFFIC.

This smoothie is gross. 

I need more coffee.

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH COFFEE OR MIDOL IN THIS WORLD. 

Seriously?

Are you kidding?

Are you even listening? 

Why do I even talk? 

What am I doing here?
 
I need a nap. 

I need a drink. 

I need more coffee. 

It's National Pizza Day?! 

Ah, Monday, what a beautiful creature. I think everyone basically loathes Monday because it's the end of the weekend and time to get back to work. From a teacher's point of view it's like the beginning of the school year all over again. Honestly, I feel like every Monday I should reteach classroom rules and procedures because they've forgotten everything in the TWO DAYS they were gone.

Ah, kids.

Today wasn't exactly horrible, but it wasn't the best day either. I had a few new issues and some ongoing ones that I'm trying reeeeeeeaaaaaaally hard to overcome. I get it, though. I know (TRUST ME, I KNOW) that's it hard to come back to school after a weekend. I know it's hard to get back into a routine. I understand that there are SO MANY THINGS that are exciting going on and we can hardly control ourselves, but we've still got a job to do.

We have a responsibility to ourselves and others. We work hard. We are kind. We are respectful.

This is pretty much the pep-talk I give to myself and my class on a daily basis. Today I had to give it, oh, about four times.

That's okay, though. It really is. They're just kids and they don't always get the concept of being kind and respectful. I mean, if we're being honest, neither do adults, amirite?

Today I had a long (okay TWO) conversation about how to treat people, how to use nice voices and kind words and all that fun stuff. I even noted that I was NOT using my nice voice, that I was using my angry voice because, obviously, I was angry.

So, I guess we all had some weak moments today. But, like I said: it's okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow we will ride again. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

On the way home I heard a song the Christian radio station I listen to called "Laugh Out Loud" and I just kind of thought..."Yeah, okay."

Some days you just have to laugh. You have to shrug it off and move on. Not everyday is perfect, whether you are teaching, working in an office, or staying at home.

Life happens. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

You just have to get over it.

So, I'm going to get over it. I'm also hoping I don't get any angry parent emails and I'm going to eat my homemade pizza.

Here's hoping for a brighter Tuesday. :) 

Run Your Heart Out

Did I ever tell you about running cross country in high school? You probably think because I write/post so much about running that I was really good at (you know, like I am now, LOLFOREVER), but I wasn't. I thought it would be pretty easy, only I was young and dumb and out of shape. I finished every race, though. Last.

So, whatever. Here were are (OMG) fifteen years later and running is like...a thing. And, more importantly, it's my thing. It isn't that I'm very good at it, but I can do it, and I like it! I mean, I can't tell you that I loooooooove it because no one actually loves running. It's a great stress reliever and basically allows you to eat a lot. Rungry is a thing, okay?

Okay, the point to this is that I crossed something off my list this weekend. Something I actually didn't even give a second thought to until this time last year. Now, I don't have a bucket list or anything. I feel that if something is cool and I want to do it, then one day I'll try.

Apparently I thought running a half marathon was cool.

So I did it.

And it was amazing.

We (my running buddy, Michelle) started training in September. LOL, two teachers starting training for a half marathon when school starts. Yeah, we were laughing too, only not really. Training was hard to keep up with, especially with school and my busy social calendar. That's a joke, by the way. In October we did a ten-miler that got us pretty pumped for thirteen. It didn't hurt that everyone we know who is a distance runner told us "Oh, just another three! That's no big deal!". You're all a bunch of liars, okay?

Eventually all of our almost training paid off, however. Saturday we got up dark and early and headed to Walt Disney World to get our run on with a few thousand of our closest friends. Yeah, some people think you're insane because you love running. Or because you pay to run. Or because you wear your Captain America socks with the wings on them while running.

Whatever, Ma. Everyone else liked them. :) 

So being at Disney at 4AM is not quite as fun as it sounds. Especially when it's forty-five degrees out and you're born and raised Floridian with thin blood. Here's the thing...it was totally worth it. I had been stressing for weeks about whether or not I was going to make this race. I was worried I hadn't trained enough. I was worried I wasn't going to make it. I was worried I was going to get hurt. 

It was awesome. 

There was so much excitement surrounding us that it left absolutely no time to be nervous. Also, there were so many people around us that it didn't matter if it was your first or your hundredth race, because everyone was about having fun. The best part was that I made it and I made it with one of my best friends. We both know that it would have been difficult had we not taken this journey together (she's texting me motivational pictures trying to talk me into a FULL marathon as I type this), and it probably wouldn't have been as much fun. 

also got to meet Mer and Brooke from ScootADoot AND IT WAS AWESOME. I once said that it was my dream to run with Mer and then it happened. Sigh. They're both so pretty. 

I look so stupid because I'M SO EXCITED

But really, I can't really describe the feeling that I got when I crossed the finish line. It was mostly relief because I'd been up since 2AM and was hungry and cold and sweaty. Yeah, that's a thing that can happen. But also...I don't think I've felt that proud of myself about something in a long time. When you're an adult it's hard to come by those things, you know? Aside from like, getting married and having kids or something. (LOL.)

During this whole process I've been consistently amazed about what a body can do. Actually, what my thirty-one-year-old body could do that my sixteen-year-old body didn't really feel like doing. It's amazing what can happen when you put your mind to it. And what you can do when you're motivated by the right people and have good friends to get you through stuff. You can do really cool things when you try. 

Now you do something awesome. Do it for you. Or go out and do something awesome for other people. 

I'm going to leave you with some pictures and go lather on the BioFreeze. 

Well, now it's real.

The castle! And Elsa! And Anna! And Kristoff! 

Magic Kingdom selfie!

Medals! We made it!

Beermosa. Congrats to me! 

Worth it. 

Go do something.

Dear Younger Me

I was in the middle of a run the other day and a song came on my playlist that nearly stopped me in my tracks. I'm speaking literally here, I had a good pace going. Now, I listen to a lot of contemporary Christian music because that's just simply what I like. I love songs about redemption like people love songs about booty-shaking, call me crazy but I do. So, the song is called "Dear Younger Me" and even though I've heard it a few times it was different this listen. Different in the this-made-me-cry-I-can't-cry-while-I'm-running way.

The song is pretty much what you'd expect from a Christian band with a title like that. It's telling yourself "Hey, sometimes I wish you hadn't been so stupid"...only nicer. But just a little.

If I had a lot of money or were a betting person, I'd be willing to put some cash on the fact that we all feel like that sometimes. I know I do. There are things in my past that I am definitely not proud of. Some skeletons in my closet that I don't really care to share. It's taken years to get over some of the things that have happened in my past; there are some things that I might not ever get over. You know what, though? I'm okay with that.

The song talks about how if we could tell our younger selves all we've learned so far and tell them, then they'd be one step ahead. I think about that sometimes. Like, if we could go back in time and warn ourselves about things. For example: "On (this day) in 2006 you're probably going to get your heart ripped out, just don't answer the phone, okay?" That's not realistic, however, and that's okay. We can't change things that we've done or that have happened to us; we can only learn and grow from them.

I think that sometimes people have a hard time letting go of the past but, like, it's gone. You can't change it, you can't fix it. Sure, it messed you up, but you are better than that. Get over it.

Not sorry.

Sometimes I tend to be a little harsh in the "get over it" sort of way. I just don't see the sense in dwelling on the past. Unless your past has been really, really horrific, then I'm sorry. 

I wish I could say that everything stupid thing I've done has made me a better person, but I'd be lying. (Sometimes I'm really an ass.) I wish I could say that everything that has happened has provided an opportunity for growth, but that would also be a lie. Sometimes things just happen, you know? I'm not a big believer in "everything happens for a reason". I believe that things happen, we learn from them, and we move on. If we spend time worrying about the reason, then we're going to miss out on everything else! 

Instead I believe in growth and change. In hope and perseverance. I believe in being strong when people don't think you can be. I don't believe our past defines us. 

So, if I got to say something to myself it would be this: 

Thanks. Thanks for being stubborn and stupid. Thanks for making those mistakes, because now I know that I can do better. Thanks for not giving up, because our life is good. Thanks for loving your family, even though they're really crazy. Thanks for finding Jesus, he's helped us a lot. Thanks for being awesome, it's only going to get better. 

Tell yourself something good this week, okay? 

Stand Tall

This week sucked. Like, really sucked. 

The first week back to school after summer vacation is always the hardest in my (most teachers') opinion. Kids have been running willy-nilly for two months and we're expected to just jump right on in and get to teaching. 

Yeah, right.

First, we have to go through the rules. Then, the procedures for basically EVERY MOVEMENT YOU MAKE. After that, we have to go through the rules again because OMG JUST RAISE YOU HAND IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING. 

Oh, I'm shouting. Sorry. See, I'm not a voice-raiser in my classroom. The louder I get, they louder they get and that just doesn't work for me. You know how I know it doesn't work for me? Because that's all I did this week. My students love to talk. I don't even know what they're talking about, and most of the time I don't even think they were talking to each other. Seriously, I'm pretty sure these kids were just making noises to themselves. 

What. Even. 

Anytime I turned around I heard Mad-Eye Moody's voice in my head: "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" 

Rest in Peace, Moody! 

Basically I spent so much of this week redirecting in a positive manner that what the hell did I even teach? But it's okay. I mean, eventually it will be okay because I really have to remember a few things. 

Number one: They're kids. Kids are impulsive and loud (ugh, and messy). Just because I haven't been around them in two months doesn't mean they haven't changed. This is my eighth year teaching, so I should know better than to think that everything is going to be sunshine and roses the first week. If anything, I should read my own words and think about herding cats because that's all I did this week. 

Number two: They don't know me yet. They don't know my class rules fully or my teaching style or the jokes I have. (I have jokes, okay?) From what I've learned over the years I know that kids are eager to please. I'm looking forward to them getting to know me and for that to (hopefully) make my class more fun for them. 

(Sidenote: While playing a game called "Walk the Line" with my class I gave them a choice between Captain America and Superman and told them to choose wisely. All but one of them did. Yeah, they'll know me soon enough.)

Number three: I don't know them. I can complain until I'm blue in the face about how my kids don't know how things work in my classroom, but if I don't take the time to show an interest in their lives then what am I even here for? I know them academically but I don't know their strengths yet. I know what I've seen in the hallways from previous years and what other teachers have told me, but that doesn't matter. Just like students, all teachers are different, too. I got a "you've got your hands full" comment this week, but in the next 175 days that might change

Number four: It's a good job. As in: it's a job that does good. (Not well.) Kids, man. They're everything. 

So, I'm ready for week two. I'm all stocked up on coffee (Starbucks blonde roast, to be exact) and I'm feelings pretty good. I mean, all my laundry is clean and that's really all I can prepare for. I don't know what's going to happen in my classroom but at least I'll be caffeinated and have on clean pants. 

Godspeed, 

Your Tired Teacher Friend

Summertime Blues

I love my job. See, usually when I start a post out like that it means something important is coming. This might be that post, I'm just not sure yet. School started back officially this week. I say officially because I've technically been at work in my classroom for over a week. I tend to be a bit of an overachiever on some things whereas others seem to fall by the wayside (laundry, dirty dishes, feeding the cat...). My classroom is one of those things I like overachieve on. I'm going to be practically living there with twenty-something little ones for the next ten months so I like to make it fun and pretty. Okay, so my room is all set up and this week is a full week for teachers. Summer is officially (there's that word again) over. It's a little sad, but at the same time I'm kind of excited about the new year. And now I'm going to tell you why. I mean, if you didn't already know that.

A routine. Basically I do nothing all summer. Last summer I spent quite a few hours doing some private tutoring that was pretty much torture, so this summer I decided against all that.

Summer goes like this:
8AM - Maybe get up.
9AM - Probably drink two cups of coffee.
11AM - Should I eat breakfast?
12:30PM - Is it lunchtime?
3PM - Did I just fall asleep for three hours?!
5PM - Maybe shower.
9:00-12AM - Bedtime?

In between I'm usually reading (52 books so far this summer!) or watching television. Or cleaning things out.

During the school year I set an alarm! I shower every day! I eat on a schedule! Trust me, my pants need this. They are rebelling against my waistline.

School supplies. I absolutely love new school supplies. Sure when they come out in July I want to run through the displays and knock them all on the floor, but come August 1st I'm all for them. My wallet is not, just an FYI. No one appreciates the smell of Crayola crayons like a teacher. The way a fresh Expo marker smoothly glides over your whiteboard. Opening a new planner to put everything ever in it. Man, I love school supplies.

I did my own school shopping, too. 

Friends. I work with some pretty cool peeps and I got to see most of them sporadically this summer, but there's just something about seeing those faces every day that really gets me. I feel like it's this idea that everyone is there for the same reason you are that really draws us together. We're there for the kids, not the paycheck or the time off, and it really builds on the workplace camaraderie when you're all working toward the same goal.

Which I guess brings me to my last point. I'd originally wanted to do this at a Top Ten List, but I'm on my third day of training and my second beer (in a Captain America Tervis with a straw, thankyouverymuch), so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Kids. Look, I don't teach because I "love kids". I am an avid learner. I love to read and research and find out new things. I teach because I want to share that love of learning with others. "Others" being children, got it? Also, I'm not being insensitive when I say that. It's just a very strong feeling of mine that people don't go into teaching because they "love kids". That's not to say that I don't love them, because I do. I have a godson and little cousins, as well as friends who have kids that are beautiful reminder of how amazing little people are. They are the inspiration for what I do, if that makes sense. I teach because because I want to inspire. I want to change and shape the future. I want a kid to feel valued when they normally don't. To feel smart even though the struggle. To be a leader when and to gain confidence that will help them in the future. It's not the reason I went into teaching, but I do love those kids. If you've read any of my other posts you know that.

So, I guess I'm ready to go back to school. I'm ready for those fresh, smiling faces. I'm ready for the stress and the long hours and less sleep. I'm ready to work with people I love and do the thing I love. I'm already exhausted and stressed, but I'm feeling empowered and I'm ready. (It's probably the beer, right?)

And besides, I'll always have the weekends, you know?

I 

I hope you're inspired this year. And if it's awesome, share it with me. 

What's Your Story?

When I was halfway through the education program at my school I had a run-in with a professor that almost made me quit entirely. I was in block four (out of five), meaning I was almost at the finish line. At Florida Gulf Coast University during block four you are supposed to be part-time interning and taking a full course of classes. At this point I was working a full-time job, so I was only taking the classes and putting off the internship a semester. The only problem was that I was also taking a class from block two, which was basically and introductory reading course. With this course you were supposed to do a field experience and work with a student on reading strategies. I'd been in a classroom, but didn't really feel welcome or that the classroom teacher was making time for me to work with the student I needed to be with. Also, I was working a full-time job and taking a course load of classes, so it was rough. 

It just so happened that the classroom teacher and my professor were friends. The classroom teacher made it a point to tell the professor how unprofessional I was and that she didn't feel I was taking the project seriously. This resulted in a meeting with myself and the professor which ended with me in tears and seriously thinking about forgetting everything I'd worked so hard for over the last four years. Especially when the statement that haunts me (and by that I mean severely pisses me off) still was "Maybe it's time to think about if teaching is really for you". 

Now, I say that I was seriously considering quitting, but that really only happened for a hot minute. The thing was (is) that I've always known teaching was for me. I didn't need this woman, who knew absolutely nothing about my situation, to tell me it wasn't. But here's the thing: she knew absolutely nothing about me. She didn't know that I worked a full-time job. That I was incredibly socially anxious, especially when put into a classroom of a person I didn't know who didn't even seem to want me there. She didn't know that I was helping take my dad to weekly radiation appointments across the state or that I was dealing with a an on-again off-again idiot boyfriend. Or that I was struggling with horrific management at my job and people who were determined to make life an actual living hell. 

All this woman knew was that her friend thought I was unprofessional. Of course, had she known all of that she probably would have just said "Suck it up, Buttercup", and moved on. 

So here's the thing: we don't all wear our stories on our sleeves/faces/other places. It's not really in everyone's nature to spill your deepest, darkest secrets with strangers. Sometimes it isn't easy to tell these things to our closest friends or family. It is, however, so easy for us to judge someone before we know their story. 

Here's an example: A couple of years ago I had a student in my class who always wanted to be the center of attention. He called out, said inappropriate things, and was always trying to make jokes at the expense of learning. He got quite the reputation. But..the more I found out about this kid, the more I understood his behavior. It didn't make his behavior anymore acceptable, but at least I had a new way of looking at the situation. 

I think there are things in our lives that are unavoidable. I don't believe in the sentiment of "everything happens for a reason", but I believe that whatever happens to us helps us to be who were are supposed to be. What's sad is that even though we all have skeletons in our closets- we all have our unavoidable things- we still judge others based on what's hiding in theirs. Trust me, I'm not judging the judgers, because I'm guilty of it too. It's hard not to think about people's past mistakes and not to judge them based on something that can't be changed or undone. But as the one who has made the mistakes, it's even harder. Moving on is difficult, especially when your skeletons are bountiful. 

Not sorry. 

Judging someone is easy. Being that person who doesn't care is easy. Taking the time to be kind, to listen, to be a friend...that's the hard part. Sometimes people don't want to open up. Sometimes we think that we're too good to be kind to someone who was messed up so badly. You know what, though? You're never too good to be kind. Like, really and truly never too good. If you think that's true then I'm seriously judging you right now. 

Just kidding. 

Mostly. 

I Love Running (No, Really.)

I've been doing this whole "running" thing for just over a year now. If you follow this silly little blog (or know me at all, jeez) you know how it all started. A friend posted on The Facebook about starting C25K (Couch to 5K) and the rest is basically history. We virtually trained together and ended up running our first 5K together, too. And I blogged about it, because I do that.

Anyways, after a year of running I've got a few milestones under my dry-fit spandex pants (did you think I was going to say belt?) and I'm pretty happy with them. So far I've ran six 5Ks, one 10K, and have signed up for my first half marathon in January 2015.

Yesterday, while I was running the Star Spangled 5K and feeling dehydrated and gross at 8:00AM, I just couldn't help but think how much I truly loved running. It's funny to say that, right? Like, I'm not a great runner, but I like it. (I feel the same way about writing, to be honest. I'm not great at it, but it's fun so I do it.) I'm not fast, I don't see myself winning any medals or ribbons, but I cross the finish line to all my races and that's really all the matters. I mean, if you recall from my previous post about running cross country my junior year of high school you would remember me being last in all my races, but always finishing them. (Funny story: my coach once made me run in the JV race even though I was a junior. Uncool.)

But, yeah, I love running. And, like I do, I'm going to tell you why.

Therapy. There's this saying or internet meme going around that says "Running is cheaper than therapy". Ain't that the truth, amirite? When I've had a hard day in my classroom, or a bad day in general, running is so good at making me forget. How can you think about other things when all you're doing is focusing on putting one foot in front of the other? Why be stressed when you can listen to your favorite song and check out the scenery of a long wrong?

There's always visuals here. 

Health. I really feel like I'm at my healthiest since I've started running. A couple of years ago I did Weight Watchers and have successfully kept the weight off, but I feel that running has been a big help to that. Running is my excuse to eat, let's say, whatever I want. Like, I can eat that entire bag of chips because I'm going running later. (This is what I call carb-loading, pay no attention to me.) When I run I feel less guilt about whatever it was that I might have eaten or drank before, because I sweat it all out, right? This is what I tell myself okay? Also, I have nice calves now.

Camaraderie. (Or Friendship, if you don't like big words.) When I started running I realized what a huge community there was! Not only through online blogs or social media accounts (my favorite is Scoot A Doot because I love those ladies), but even in my own school, church, and circle of friends. Of course, my circle of friends is mainly people from school and church, so...

It's super cool when you find someone else who runs and who wants to talk about it or ask your for advice. (Also: you probably shouldn't ask a noob like me for advice.) During our 10K training (I use this term loosely) my best running buddy and I had people who wanted to run with us. We were pretty nervous because we tend to be slow, hence the running together, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. And, even with our lousy training schedule, we managed to finish our first 10K. 

Yay! (Don't sue me for using your picture, okay?) 

Teamwork. Okay, I know running isn't a team sport, but sometimes it feels like it is. Most of my races have been done with a friend and I can't tell you how much it helps to have someone there to help you set the pace and keep you going. My favorite thing from yesterday's race was watching those super fast runners who finished first come back through those of us who were still running (I told you I was slow, okay?). Whether they were cheering us on, or giving a thumbs-up, or even running next to others through the finish line- they cared. It's awesome crossing the finish line after any kind of race because people are waiting for you, they're cheering you on, and they just don't care how slow you are because you finished (so there, high school cross country coach). 

Running is cool and I had a moment yesterday when I just felt like telling people about it, so there you have it. Like I said, I'm not winning any races any time soon, but at least I'll be finishing them. 

Happy running. (Or not.) 

Pardon Me While I Fangirl

My last post was about how I don't know how to "act my age". This post is going to prove that point. It's going to prove it so good.

This weekend I finally got to visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Islands of Adventure. Sure, to a lot of people it's just a theme park with a cool castle and a couple of rides and a delicious Butterbeer drink. But to others (me) it's literature come to life. It is, almost literally, magic.

Let me give you a little history about my love affair with Mr. Potter. My younger sister was interested in the movies when she was a kid but I didn't really see what the big deal was at the time. Today (June 26th, 2014) marks the 17th anniversary of the release of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (Sorcerer's to Americans) Stone. So, seventeen years ago I was in high school and the extent of my reading was either the required lists in my English class or some sort of trashy romance novel.

It wasn't until the third movie came out in 2004 and I took my sister to see it that I actually became interested in the series. It happened for a very specific reason that I remember so very clearly: I needed to know more. I even borrowed the first book from one of my classmates even though I'm pretty sure she hated me. There are so many things that were left unanswered for me in that two hours that I absolutely had to find them out as soon as possible. See, movies aren't always all they're cracked up to be. ;) 

I know there are people who don't like to read and there are people who definitely don't like to read children's fantasy books, but all I know is that the book is always better than the movie. This is something that the Harry Potter series has taught me. It's also taught me patience, though I consider myself lucky enough to not have started the journey with Mr. Potter until after what I can only imagine was a torturous three year wait between Book 4 and Book 5.

So, in the ten years since I've become a Potterhead I have been to two midnight book releases and five midnight movie openings. One thing I hadn't done? GO TO THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER WHEN IT OPENED IN 2010.

Until now:

"Yep, I'm home."

I can't really explain what it's like to see this place without waxing poetic about it, okay? I just know that I got a little emotional. Now, for a non-Potterhead (ie: normal person) that probably sounds weird. However, if you've read any of my other posts you know that I'm weird and you are either a) also weird, b) okay with my weirdness, or c) indifferent and like when I say stupid things. Like I said before, this park is literature come to life. Not only that, it's one of my favorite books of all time come to life. And, guys, it's amazing.

The details that are put into the stores and rides and the castle. This place is everything I hoped it would be and more. Even with the hundreds of people (tourists) milling about the little town of Hogsmeade it was an experience to remember. (So much so that we went back after spending a day at Universal Studios BECAUSE DIAGON ALLEY ISN'T OPEN YET.)

Pretty impressive. 

Anyways, the whole visit really was like magic and even though phase two isn't open at Universal Studios yet, they do offer you a sneak peek of the outside streets and some of the London buildings. 

King's Cross Station

The Knight Bus (The conductor looks just like Stan Shunpike.)

Outside buildings, including Grimmauld Place at the end.

If you (Potterheads) have seen any of the photos from Diagon Alley, you know this is pretty much nothing. But it was so exciting to catch a little glimpse of it even though it is apparently very tightly under lock and key. Universal workers said that they haven't seen any of it either, so it must be good. Oh, and don't try to jump the fence. They don't like when you do that. 

She was a good sport. 

That was my Wizarding World of Harry Potter experience and it was awesome. Nothing too embarrassing happened. I even survived riding Dragon Challenge solo because my family is a bunch of chickens. Well, nothing embarrassing happened until I met Captain America... 

Funny story for you okay? You know I love superheroes. Captain America is probably my favorite. (Okay he is. And okay it probably has something to do with the beauty that is Chris Evans. I can't help it, I like pretty things.Oh, and FREEDOM.) So here's what happened: 

My sister loves Wolverine and while we're hanging out in the Marvel Superhero Island the X-Men characters are out taking pictures. Now, when I went to Disney as a kid this was the coolest thing ever. I mean, those people are practically famous, right? Here I am at the ripe old age of thirty-one and I just don't care that much. (Can you sense the foreshadowing here?) So, Sarah is super excited to get her picture taken with Wolverine and I'm joking on her about it but she doesn't care 'cause the guy's pretty cute and nice so it's okay. I'm not sure what I was expecting in this part of the park since Disney owns Marvel and other things that I don't know a lot about, but I didn't think they would have any other heroes there. 

So. We're leaving to go on a ride and I'd turned around to say something to my mother and when I faced forward again there he was. Okay, I know he's just a dude in a suit. I KNOW. However, when some dude in a suit with a shield looking like your favorite superhero just appears right in front of you, sometimes you forgot how to human. That's not a typo, I forgot to how to human. As in: what are words? (Did I mention he was tall?) So, my mother jumped in (she could talk to a brick wall, for real) shook his hand and told him to shake mine, which he did and then he walked away. (He had nice eyes, too.)

How'd I get the picture, you ask? Oh, that's because I may have kind of stalked Captain America just a little bit. Of course, in true Captain America fashion he a) remembered me b) thanked me for coming to see him c) asked me if I wanted to be protected or hold the shield. 

After that I had to put up with a lot of crap from my sister because, yeah, they're just guys in suits taking pictures with gross, sweaty, weird people all day. I deserved it, though. To each fangirl her own, after all.

Some of us are just weirder than others.

That's it in a nutshell. I don't really know if this post had a point except for me to be excited about something and tell you an embarrassing story. I don't really mind that much, though. Laughter is the best medicine, in my book. Also, if you can't laugh at yourself then you suck, okay? 

But really, I don't think anyone is ever too old to experience magic. Maybe it's in a book or a theme park or a dude in a suit. Go have some fun or something and then tell me about it, because I love fun. 

XOXO