Back at it Again

As of tomorrow summer is officially over. Can you believe it? June and July seemed to have flown by and tomorrow is the first day of school.

The past couple of weeks have been crazy as we've all been in various trainings and putting the finishing touches on our classrooms. It's also been fun catching up with friends that I've missed over the summer and making new ones. 

I love my job and I'm excited that I get to start my eleventh year teaching with some of my best friends in such an amazing school. This morning I started thinking about what a good back to school post should say and, while I didn't come up with much, I hope you'll find some inspiration in this mess that's about to happen. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. 

As a person who has self-diagnosed themselves with OCD, this is always a tough one for me. I like things a certain way and when you work in a room full of children it doesn't always happen that way. This is actually one of the hardest things for me to work through! It isn't just about what things look like, though. Sometimes you have those moments with students that are small (even if you think they're big) and it gets blown out of proportion. Solving the problem quickly and withing much attention or shifting your focus to something else is helpful.

Stay positive. 

This is going to sound repetitive of other blog posts, but it's so true. Staying positive, at least on the outside, is always a good thing. There will definitely be days that are tough. There are days when you want to call in sick, or walk out, or yell...but staying strong and dealing with things positively helps to build your relationship with your class. 

Find your person (or people). 

I feel lucky to have worked with some of my best friends for the past eleven years. Even if you don't have a "teacher best friend", look for a mentor or a buddy. Teaching isn't a job you can do alone, trust me. 

Get invested.

Teaching is not an easy job. It's not just hanging out with kids all day and going home with nothing on your mind. You have to learn your kids: what do they like, who are their friends, what's home like? There are so many things for you to learn about these little people that have been put into your care. You never know if you're the person who will change a child's life. 

Ask for help.

This goes with finding your person, maybe? People aren't going to know if you're struggling if you don't tell them. Even if you think it's something small. Even if you're embarrassed. Do it. 

Take care of yourself.

You're important too! As the leader in your classroom it's up to you to take care of the kids and yourself. Being of healthy mindset and body helps you to do your very best for you kids. 

Well. Like I said, tomorrow a new year begins. Maybe it's next week or next month for you, but I hope you get something out of this. 

Teaching is good work. 

Go do good. 

The Time is Now

There's a Kid President video that talks about how now is the time to be awesome. Now is the time to show kindness, to do something good, to be your best self.

In light of recent events around the world this weekend, I'm going to reiterate that statement.

The time is now, friends.

It's time to let go of our pettiness and anger.

It's time to love.

We have been watching this world fall apart for months, even years. Lives are threatened and ended every single day because of race or religion or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. People are dying because they left their homes and went about their normal day.

It isn't fair that these things happen and, more than that, it isn't right. We see these events on our news every day and we ignore them or argue about them. We fight about who is right or wrong, argue about race and religion, but do we help anything by doing that?

The answer is no, people.

By posting those arguments and by choosing sides we don't do anything but continue to harm. To me, there is only one side we need to choose:

Life.

I'm on the side of life, what about you?

Not only am I on the side of life, I'm on the side of love.

I have been in the position where I wanted to hate in my own personal life and it got me nowhere. Okay, that's a lie. It got me depressed and angry. That's what hate does. Hate solves nothing and it only brings a person down. If we continue to show hatred then nothing will ever change.

My pastor shared an amazing message about this today. We, as humans, carry so many emotions and when we hear of terrible things there are many, many reactions we can have. We can hate and want revenge, but in the end that isn't going to help anything. The only way we are going to change anything, including ourselves is to love. We can spread that love, share the light, be the light with the world. Be there for those who are sad and suffering. We can pray for peace for all of those and hope. We can hope for things to be better one day.

Choosing love isn't always easy, though. One of my favorite quotes actually comes from the Harry Potter series (that should not surprise anyone). It's this:

"We must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy." 

That's pretty heavy stuff. Choosing love isn't easy, but it's right. Hoping for something better in trying times isn't easy, but it helps. Forgiveness...man, that's a tough one...but it's right.

Maybe we aren't ready to forgive, but in the meantime there are other things we can do. There are other things to focus on than hatred against others.

As a Christian, I know I am called to love and I know I know I know it's something that I struggle with sometimes. But now, today, I feel that calling so very strongly.

Even if you aren't a Christian, as a human, we should be ready to lift others up no matter what the color of their skin, how they worship, or what they believe.

I'm going to try to do that this week. I hope you will too.

No Man is an Island

I've been playing around with the idea for this post for a few months. Probably since before the end of last school year and I just couldn't find the words to make it work. I don't know if these are the words that are going to make it work, but I'm going to try.

This weekend my sister and I went on kind of a "spiritual binge" at Rock the Universe (a two-night Christian music festival at Universal Studios) and a lot of it was incredibly eye-opening.

I titled this post "No Man is an Island" for a couple of reasons:

#1: It's a song by one of my very favorite bands Tenth Avenue North.

#2: It's a song that speaks to me about life. My life now, and what my life used to be like.

#3: It's a cool title.

Okay, so I get a lot of flack from people who think I'm kind of cranky and moody and, well, you get the idea. Sometimes I can be those things, but most of the time I try really, really hard not to be.

See, there was a time in my life when I was really cranky. Like...

Mean.

Angry.

Hateful.

I don't want to be those things anymore, so I do my best to be...nice. A lot of the time I'm just really sarcastic and people don't get it. I'm working on that too.

Anyway, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that if I didn't have people in my life to keep me balanced I would still be that person. So many things have changed since my life was like that. I remember so vividly my very first evaluation at the end of my first year of teaching. My observer mentioned that my mentor teachers said something along the lines of me "not working well with others".

That was my first reaction and my initial feeling. Of course, we always want to blame others for our mistakes because that's easier. It's easier not to feel accountable for anything, including our own faults. It's taken me a while to get through that initial evaluation. I think about it every year when I start fresh with my team. I think about how we share ideas, triumphs, challenges...and I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I'm not alone and that I have people who have my back. 

I feel like this goes with so many other parts of my life, though. I love to be alone, but I know that it's important to have people to support you. For me, the change started when I began attending church regularly. It had been so long since I'd let anyone into my life that it was kind of scary. But, here I was reconnecting with my best friend, making new friends, and welcoming God back into my life. 

I know that getting back into church is way turned my life around. I know that committing to a life with Christ is what helped get me over whatever I was dealing with. (I think I'm mostly over it?) 

Because of that I'm able to share my life with others. Because of that I know I'm not alone. I think it's important to find your people, no matter where you are. I have a lot of people and I'm so, so grateful for all of them. 

One of the things that stuck with me the most this weekend was something Mike Donehey, the lead singer for Tenth Avenue North said. I can't remember the exact quote, but it he was talking about wanting to be used by God in any way possible and how important it was to not look down on others or judge others because we think we are better than them. I think that's so important, and it's one of the things I struggle with everyday. It's not easy to admit that, but it's true. 

I have people to keep me in check everywhere I turn. There are so many things that I need help with and I'm glad that my eyes are finally open to that. I'm thankful to have a family that keeps me on my toes, people who help me be a better teacher, lifegroups that help me be a stronger Christian, friends to be honest with me when it matters most. 

We are not islands. We can't do life alone. I'm thankful everyday for the people I get to do life with.   

Remember that next time you think I'm being mean.

That last part was a joke. 

Here's the video for this lovely song: 

Like We Were Children

I get a lot of good ideas when I'm running, which is really bad because I obviously can't write anything down and I also have a terrible memory.

I am Dory. Dory is me. 

A few days ago I was running and one of my favorite songs came on and I had this great idea for a blog post. Then REAL LIFE kept moving on and I...forgot.

But I remembered! 

I love the Christian rock band NEEDTOBREATHE and when these lyrics came on they just kind of spoke to me: 

"Let us love like we were children,

make us feel, like we’re still living-

in a world, I know, that’s burning to the ground.

Give us time to beat the system,

make us find what we’ve been missing-

In a world, I know, that’s burning to the ground." 

It's a little morbid to think of the world "burning to the ground", so I really focused on the "like we were children" part. Those are the words that got to me. See, school starts in just a few days and children are about to become my (our) job again. 

One thing I love about teaching is the way that kids view the world. At this point in their lives most of them are still so innocent and full of wonder. 

If you haven't seen Rise of the Guardians do it. 

It is so much fun to watch kids learn, grow, and succeed. That is what I am looking forward to the the most this year. Last year I struggled, but when I look back on the successes that my students did have I am genuinely moved. You have heard me say it over and over again: these kids change me. For the most part I am changed for the better. We are put to tests and faced with things that a lot of people do not have to deal with- but we do it.

I know that if I'm challenged it's because I need to change. 

If something isn't working I need to fix it.

The resilience that some students have always amazes. Students go through so much more than even know and it is a privilege to be a part of their lives (even if we might not always feel like it). 

I try to set goals for myself every year whether it be about how to lead my team or how to teach my students. This week my motto has been "less is more". I've just been muttering or yelling it down the halls at random times and people. (I'm sorry.)

Part of me isn't really sure what I want less/more of, but I'm working on it. I want more wonder and less worry, that's for sure. As a teacher I want to be able to see the world like my kids do; to wake up every day excited to learn.

I want to live, love, and learn like children do.

Simple. Fun. Wondrous.  

I'm nervous about next week, but I'm also excited. I've learned a lot this past week and I'm ready to get it out there and share it with my kids. 

I hope you're ready, too. 

The Good Fight

So, I haven't been around for awhile. Mostly that's because I gave up social media for Lent, but also because I've had nothing good to write about. I mean, there are things to write about, but they're actually all horrible and depressing.

Yeah, they're all about work.

This post is also about work...kind of.

Yesterday I had to run an errand for my mom before I went over to see her, which is no big deal. She lives in a small town and I live in a slightly bigger one that has more than just a Walmart, so she needed me to pick something up.The cute little store that I went to just happened to be owned by my former second grade teacher.

I walked in feeling nervous and looking like crap (it was haircut day) and saw her immediately. Now, some of you might think this is weird, but then you obviously don't know how deep my love of learning goes.

There are so many things I loved about my elementary school teachers. Mrs. Johnston, my kindergarten teacher used to play Phil Collins during naptime. Mrs. Beckham had the sweetest voice and was never mad at me, even when I worked ahead on my paper because I thought I knew what I was doing. (I didn't.) Mrs. Reddish, my second grade teacher, always encouraged me to be my weird, little, seven-year-old self. Mrs. Holler didn't really holler. Seriously, I could go on forever. Even up to high school when Mrs. Garcia let me hide in her podium (sorry!) and Mr. Gibson helped foster my love for reading and writing.

The conversation I had with Mrs. Reddish (I will never be able to call a teacher by their first name) was very brief, but I left that store feeling a little emotional. How can you not love the teacher who let you be yourself and read you Charlotte's Web for the first time? I loved second grade so much!

And now here I am twenty-five (OMG) years later and I am in her position. This is terrifying. I sent a couple of text messages after I left the store to two of my BFFs that read like this:

I love my job. You will probably get tired of me saying that, but I will always say it. I love my job, I love my school, I love my kids. 

This job is hard. This job does not get easier. You just get better at handling it. This week I've heard my colleagues moaning and groaning over a lot of things and, trust me, I've been doing it too. We have four days left until spring break. We start testing our younger grades next week. It's so much pressure and stress that we all feel like we're about to lose it. 

I've been dealing with some behavior issues in my class that have left me feeling incredibly worn and even a little bit lost. I'm lucky enough to work in place where I can vent with my team and go to my administration for advice without judgement. 

It's after I've done those things that I realize it isn't about ME. Yeah, I want my kids to love me like I loved Mrs. Reddish, but I have to show them that I love them if that's what I want. I know there are things they are going to remember about me, but what I really, really want them to remember is that I made them feel safe and I made them feel loved. 

Things they will actually remember: 

Miss Veale loves...

coffee.

Captain America.

pizza.

Harry Potter.

running.

If they remember those things then hopefully it will trigger some memory in them of some distant conversation they had with me. I hope they remembered that I smiled at them or hugged them or we argued whether or not Captain America could beat the Hulk. (We have some weird conversations in my class, okay?)

My elementary teachers and those select few from my older years will always be remembered because they made me feel those things: I could be me, I could learn, I was loved. 

To me, that's what teaching is all about. Sometimes I fail, but sometimes I get it right. 

Every Friday I give out a Star Student poster to a kid who has had great behavior. I alternate between boys and girls, so this week I had to pick a girl and there were three left on my list that haven't had it yet. Of course, the two that probably deserved it were absent and the third choice is the kid who I've been battling with for the past two months. 

Anyway, I give her the folder. She lights up. 

She says, "How come you're giving this to me?"

I tell her, "I don't know, it's just because I love you." 

She seemed satisfied with that answer as we left to go to dismissal, but when we got back to the room she hugged me, looked up at me and said "Why do you love me?" 

Why do I love you?

Because I do.

Do I always like you?

Oh, hell no. 

Do I want you to succeed? 

More than you know. 

Will I continue to expect only the best from you?

You bet. 

Is it going to be easy?

Nope.

Can we do it?

We have to try. 

Happy Sunday. 

Be Cool

I yelled at my kids last week. Not all of them, just a few. (Okay, I've used my teacher voice a little more than I'd like this year, but that's another post entirely. Or maybe that's just a happy hour conversation to save for later.)

This is my confession. I yelled. I felt bad. I tried to make excuses for my behavior, and then I felt guilty. Maybe they deserved it, but that was really no excuse for my behavior. I mean, I felt really bad. Here's the thing: I had a bad reaction to an already bad situation and I lost my cool.

But I really did. 

I know it's hard to believe, but it happened. If I were using that as a teachable moment I would have said to myself: "You did not seek first to understand, then to be understood, Ashley". Then I would have yelled at myself for being an asshole when I was already feeling bad.

It's been a week and I still think about it and get a little embarrassed because I hate losing my cool. Haaaaaate it. It sounds a little ridiculous, but if I lose my cool it's like they've beaten me. And the thing is, is that they always will if you let them.

Now, I'm not saying this like everyday is a constant battle, even though sometimes it feels like it can be. What I mean is- and I mean this is the most professional way possible- you have to show them that you are the boss.

Losing your cool does not show them you are the boss. It show's them that you have a short temper and they can get to you quickly.

Don't be a spaz, okay? 

I really feel like to key to any well functioning classroom is respect. Not just respect between teacher and students, but also students and other students. Hell, I feel the key to anything working well is respect. Respect, not fear or coercion. I guess the hard part is: how do you earn that respect without being a hardass? How do you do it without being mean and loud? How, how, how?

One thing I like to do is embarrass myself as much as possible. By the end of the first week students know which books I like (Harry Potter), who my favorite superhero is (Captain America), what's my favorite animal (turtles, but I have a cat), and so on. Sometimes we sing and play silly games, or sometimes I sing just to make them laugh. It breaks up the monotony of the day and I think that, by me acting like an idiot, they get to see a different side of me.

Of course, I still have to be tough. I still don't put up with BS. There are consequences for all actions, good and bad. That's something that we are still learning about and understanding here in the fifth week of school.

It's a process, though, and I'm working through it.

Someone mentioned after my last post that they were looking for the positive piece in it. The thing is...sometimes there isn't a positive piece. Sometimes they day is just shitty and you have to move on. Sometimes the next day isn't any better. But maybe, after a few of those bad days, some kid comes up to you and smiles and hugs you...and maybe that's it. Maybe that's your positive. I've learned in my life that not all things happen when and how we want them to. The same goes with teaching. Teaching is a lifestyle, it's a life. It doesn't always go the way you want it to, but sometimes it's pretty sweet. I hope I can remember that the next time my cool threatens to be lost. ;)

Keep on truckin', y'all.