Be Cool

I yelled at my kids last week. Not all of them, just a few. (Okay, I've used my teacher voice a little more than I'd like this year, but that's another post entirely. Or maybe that's just a happy hour conversation to save for later.)

This is my confession. I yelled. I felt bad. I tried to make excuses for my behavior, and then I felt guilty. Maybe they deserved it, but that was really no excuse for my behavior. I mean, I felt really bad. Here's the thing: I had a bad reaction to an already bad situation and I lost my cool.

But I really did. 

I know it's hard to believe, but it happened. If I were using that as a teachable moment I would have said to myself: "You did not seek first to understand, then to be understood, Ashley". Then I would have yelled at myself for being an asshole when I was already feeling bad.

It's been a week and I still think about it and get a little embarrassed because I hate losing my cool. Haaaaaate it. It sounds a little ridiculous, but if I lose my cool it's like they've beaten me. And the thing is, is that they always will if you let them.

Now, I'm not saying this like everyday is a constant battle, even though sometimes it feels like it can be. What I mean is- and I mean this is the most professional way possible- you have to show them that you are the boss.

Losing your cool does not show them you are the boss. It show's them that you have a short temper and they can get to you quickly.

Don't be a spaz, okay? 

I really feel like to key to any well functioning classroom is respect. Not just respect between teacher and students, but also students and other students. Hell, I feel the key to anything working well is respect. Respect, not fear or coercion. I guess the hard part is: how do you earn that respect without being a hardass? How do you do it without being mean and loud? How, how, how?

One thing I like to do is embarrass myself as much as possible. By the end of the first week students know which books I like (Harry Potter), who my favorite superhero is (Captain America), what's my favorite animal (turtles, but I have a cat), and so on. Sometimes we sing and play silly games, or sometimes I sing just to make them laugh. It breaks up the monotony of the day and I think that, by me acting like an idiot, they get to see a different side of me.

Of course, I still have to be tough. I still don't put up with BS. There are consequences for all actions, good and bad. That's something that we are still learning about and understanding here in the fifth week of school.

It's a process, though, and I'm working through it.

Someone mentioned after my last post that they were looking for the positive piece in it. The thing is...sometimes there isn't a positive piece. Sometimes they day is just shitty and you have to move on. Sometimes the next day isn't any better. But maybe, after a few of those bad days, some kid comes up to you and smiles and hugs you...and maybe that's it. Maybe that's your positive. I've learned in my life that not all things happen when and how we want them to. The same goes with teaching. Teaching is a lifestyle, it's a life. It doesn't always go the way you want it to, but sometimes it's pretty sweet. I hope I can remember that the next time my cool threatens to be lost. ;)

Keep on truckin', y'all.