Dear Younger Me

I was in the middle of a run the other day and a song came on my playlist that nearly stopped me in my tracks. I'm speaking literally here, I had a good pace going. Now, I listen to a lot of contemporary Christian music because that's just simply what I like. I love songs about redemption like people love songs about booty-shaking, call me crazy but I do. So, the song is called "Dear Younger Me" and even though I've heard it a few times it was different this listen. Different in the this-made-me-cry-I-can't-cry-while-I'm-running way.

The song is pretty much what you'd expect from a Christian band with a title like that. It's telling yourself "Hey, sometimes I wish you hadn't been so stupid"...only nicer. But just a little.

If I had a lot of money or were a betting person, I'd be willing to put some cash on the fact that we all feel like that sometimes. I know I do. There are things in my past that I am definitely not proud of. Some skeletons in my closet that I don't really care to share. It's taken years to get over some of the things that have happened in my past; there are some things that I might not ever get over. You know what, though? I'm okay with that.

The song talks about how if we could tell our younger selves all we've learned so far and tell them, then they'd be one step ahead. I think about that sometimes. Like, if we could go back in time and warn ourselves about things. For example: "On (this day) in 2006 you're probably going to get your heart ripped out, just don't answer the phone, okay?" That's not realistic, however, and that's okay. We can't change things that we've done or that have happened to us; we can only learn and grow from them.

I think that sometimes people have a hard time letting go of the past but, like, it's gone. You can't change it, you can't fix it. Sure, it messed you up, but you are better than that. Get over it.

Not sorry.

Sometimes I tend to be a little harsh in the "get over it" sort of way. I just don't see the sense in dwelling on the past. Unless your past has been really, really horrific, then I'm sorry. 

I wish I could say that everything stupid thing I've done has made me a better person, but I'd be lying. (Sometimes I'm really an ass.) I wish I could say that everything that has happened has provided an opportunity for growth, but that would also be a lie. Sometimes things just happen, you know? I'm not a big believer in "everything happens for a reason". I believe that things happen, we learn from them, and we move on. If we spend time worrying about the reason, then we're going to miss out on everything else! 

Instead I believe in growth and change. In hope and perseverance. I believe in being strong when people don't think you can be. I don't believe our past defines us. 

So, if I got to say something to myself it would be this: 

Thanks. Thanks for being stubborn and stupid. Thanks for making those mistakes, because now I know that I can do better. Thanks for not giving up, because our life is good. Thanks for loving your family, even though they're really crazy. Thanks for finding Jesus, he's helped us a lot. Thanks for being awesome, it's only going to get better. 

Tell yourself something good this week, okay?