Top Fourteen (or more) of 2014

Okay, so. I read a lot. I buy a lot of books, I forget I have them, I go to the library, I subscribe to free book newsletters...look, I really love books. This year my Reading Challenge on Goodread was to read one hundred books. I challenged myself to that same number before but didn't make it, so I wasn't very hopeful that I'd make it this year.

I've read one hundred and fifty-four books.

Yeah, I read a lot.

In celebration of the end of 2014 I've decided to dedicate this post to my fourteen favorite books of the year. These books are in no particular order except in the order of which I read them.

Graffiti Moon 

Cath Crowley

This book is told in the alternating points of view (POV) Ed and Lucy. Lucy is in love with Shadow, a graffiti artist she's never met and Ed spends his time admiring Lucy from afar. This book is full of fun and crazy teenage antics. Oh, and of course a precious romance and the "WHEN WILL SHE FIGURE IT OUT" thing. Totally cute and worth it. Also by Cath Crowley: A Little Wanting Song. 

Me Before You

Jojo Moyes

I pride myself on not being really super-duper emotional, (it's a control thing, I'm working on it), but this book seriously killed me. I remember melting into the couch after I finished it because I was so emotionally spent. (All your fault, Steph.) It's such a crazy journey with Louisa and Will: to watch how Louisa brings Will back to the land of the living and how he, in turn, makes her crazy and allows her to be herself, no matter what. Jojo knows how to pull just the right strings to leave you face down on the sofa. If you give this one a try, give me a call. I'll hold your hand. 

Anna and the French Kiss

Stephanie Perkins

I just want to pinch this book's cheeks, it's so damn cute. Anna is an American teenager at a French high school in Paris, the city of love. She becomes fast friends with a crazy group of kids that include St. Clair (or Etienne) and the rest is history. Okay, not really, but I don't want to spoil it for you! This book is totally full of cuteness and Etienne (probably my favorite book boy of the year, even though my sister hates him). Guaranteed to make you smile. Also try: Lola and the Boy Next Door and Isla and the Happily Ever After.

The Distance Between Us

Kasie West

Again, the cuteness is off the charts here. (You'll find that's a pattern in some of the books I read.) Caymen (really) works at a family owned creepy doll store selling creepy dolls to old ladies when enters Xander. The only problem is Caymen's mom, who doesn't like "people with money" and had a REALLY BIG SECRET. Xander is basically perfect and doesn't care if he and Caymen are different and swoons ensue. 

The Giver

Lois Lowry

I never read this as a kid so I took a few days this summer and read the whole series. I've read many dystopian novels and I feel like this is probably the most tame of them all. The people live in sameness, have no feelings, no sense of...anything. When Jonas becomes The Receiver he begins to learn about the past as well as things that are happening around him that he doesn't approve of. The movie version has Jonas as a sixteen year old, but in the book he is twelve, so it's really interesting to see that a young person like him can tell the difference between right and wrong and want to do something about it. The follow ups are a little lacking, but everything ties up nicely in the end. 

Sharp Objects

Gillian Flynn

Gillian Flynn's mind terrifies me. Meaning: I'd really like to be inside of it, just for a day. Most people know about her because of Gone Girl but, in my opinion, this book is the most messed up of what she's has out. Camille ends up back in her hometown to do a story on two murders and uncovers some really, really creepy stuff. Also, she's got serious issues with drugs and self-harm and still manages to be the only normal character in this book. 

The Thousand Dollar Tan Line

Rob Thomas

A Veronica Mars book?! YES, PLEASE. Mystery! Murder! Snark! Long lost mothers! (Needs more Logan Echolls, that's all.)

Wonder

RJ Palacio

I spent a lot of this summer on middle-grade books, but Wonder was by far the best of them. In the story Auggie is headed to a real school for the first time in his life. He's going into fifth grade and his whole family is freaking out. The summary of the book is that Auggie is an "ordinary kid with an extraordinary face", but Auggie's face is really what the problem is. Some of the students are asked to show Auggie around but once school starts, they seem to scatter. This is a great story about bullying and being yourself no matter what you look like. I think adults could learn a lesson from this book just as much as kids can. 

To Kill a Mockingbird

Harper Lee

2014 was kind of the year of the classics for me. This was a reread from high school, and I really feel like some things are better read when you're older. The language takes some getting used to, but it's also like you have to step back in time to fully accept what this book is. It's a great example of what racism can do to a town, how children are more brave than we realize, and how we should never judge a book by its cover. This book goes on my Top List for Life, to be honest. 

We Were Liars

E. Lockhart

So, I went into this book thinking it was a cute little Young Adult story about rich kids causing trouble on their own island. I was thinking shenanigans and eye-rolling would happen. That is most definitely not what happened with this book. This book is laced with loss, illness, and regret. The kicker? You obviously have to wait until the end to figure it all out! 

I am the Messenger

Markus Zusak

Ed's a slacker and doesn't really care about improving his life. His mom hates him because he's just like his dad, his best friend Aubrey doesn't give him the time of day, and he drives cab for a living. One day he gets a strange package of cards with clues on them that change his life. I love Zusak's words (hello, The Book Thief, anyone?) and this story is great for character development and making something out of your life when no one though you would. 

Love in the Present Tense

Catherine Ryan Hyde

Bachelor Mitch gets stuck with five-year-old Leonard after his mom runs off and is never heard from again. I love the dynamic Mitch and Leonard's relationship, even though we don't get a lot of early glances. Eventually Leonard is adopted into a family that still allow Mitch to see him, but Leonard (a child prodigy) wants nothing more than to find his mother who has been missing for over ten years. Mitch, of course, does everything in his power to help Leonard and, of course, uncovers some pretty dark secrets while he's at it. 

Tell the Wolves I'm Home

Carol Rifka Brunt

This book is told from the POV of fourteen-year-old June who loses her uncle to AIDS. They never say what exactly the illness is, but you can inference enough to figure it out. June is devastated, her uncle was her best friend, so when she spies a stranger as his funeral she does what she can to figure out who he is. This is an excellent depiction of the way people deal with loss, grow friendships, and learn forgiveness. There's also some funny business with a famous painting, but you'll have to read to find out. 

My Life Next Door 

Huntley Fitzpatrick

I L-O-V-E forbidden love and swoony boys. That is this story. Jase's family is wild and multiplying while Samantha's mother is a politician and very snooty. Naturally, they fall in love, but Samantha can't bring herself to tell her mother about her new guy. It isn't until something tragic happens and everything seems to implode around her, that she faces the truth. And, like I said, swoony boys. 

This Sky

Autumn Doughton

Okay, this is a bonus one because I couldn't leave this author off my list. There's something about broken people making the most of their flaws that get me. Gemma is coming out of a very bad, very public break up and Landon, he's got some skeletons in his closet too. Really, though, what I love about books like this is character development. I love to see how they change from the beginning to the end and how they help each other to become a better version of themselves. Also by Autumn (a Florida native!): In this Moment and I'll Be Here - guaranteed to make you stay up past your bedtime. 

Wow. That was really hard to narrow down. I could have added plenty more to this list but I felt like fourteen, okay fifteen, would do for now. Books are great fun, even when they're super depressing and leave you face-down on the sofa waiting for the ending to change. I hope you pick up some in the new year, and then share them with me because I'm never done reading. If you want to check out other books click on the Goodreads box on the right, or just click here. 

Happy reading!

They're Just Kids

I love my job. It's a good job and, like I've said a bajillion times before, it's a hard job. I know there are jobs more difficult and I know there are jobs more rewarding. I know that know matter what you do, you always have a chance to make and impact in someone else's life. I get all of that and I never want to degrade what anyone else does, this is just how I feel about my job.

Kids are important. Kids are the future. As teachers we literally see the future every single day. Let me tell you, folks, it's scary. Okay, that might be going a little overboard, but it's hard to be serious when, in a classroom of second graders, someone farts and it takes ten minutes to get everyone back under control. (This happens more than once a week, okay.)

Bodily functions aside, there are so many other things I sometimes forget about kids. Sometimes I think we are so focused on what we need them to do and what our expectations are, that I think we forget they're just kids.

But really, it's not the fact that they're just kids that bothering me these days. I know that kids are loud and impulsive. I know they need to express their feelings in weird ways and can't always control their emotions. Kids are my business, even though I don't have any of my own. In my eight (short) years of teaching I've seen a lot. I've seen kids of all different, shapes, sizes, and colors. I've had students from broken homes, perfect homes, and no homes at all. There's kids with mental and emotional problems that I can't even begin to comprehend.

That's what is killing me right now. The fact that these kids are dealing with things that we don't even know about. I've been really frustrated with my students this week (okay, this year) and I think that this is my main problem. I focus so much on what's happening in my classroom: how they are behaving, what they are doing or not doing, how they are interacting with others. When my focus is on all of those things, I lose sight of what's really important: the kid.

The need to reprimand a behavior is a common reaction, but it isn't always the reaction they kid needs. It's really, really hard to take a step back from the situation and just think about it. Which is kind of funny to write, because I just attended a training that said "IT'S OKAY TO TAKE SOME TIME TO THINK". (Which probably means that I need to pay more attention.)

It's easy to jump to a punishment, write a note, or make a phone call. The hard part is working it out with the kid. Asking the hard questions and figuring out what in the world is going on with them, instead of just punishing them for something they may not have any control over.

Seeking first to understand is hard. When I talk about the Seven Habits of Happy Kids with my students that one is the most difficult to explain, because sometimes I struggle with it. By sometimes I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I love my jobs. I love these kids. I might complain about them a lot, but it's because I want more from them and for them. I want them to succeed no matter what their circumstances Even though I know that some of their circumstances are not the greatest, I know they can overcome them. They are the future and, yes, sometimes the future is a little shaky and often times it farts in the middle of class, but that's okay. (Everybody farts, y'all.)

So, this week...okay, next week I'm going to remember that they're just kids. I going to think before I react and ask the hard questions. And, if all goes to crap, I'll just get up the next day and do it all over again.

XOXO,
Ash

Dear Younger Me

I was in the middle of a run the other day and a song came on my playlist that nearly stopped me in my tracks. I'm speaking literally here, I had a good pace going. Now, I listen to a lot of contemporary Christian music because that's just simply what I like. I love songs about redemption like people love songs about booty-shaking, call me crazy but I do. So, the song is called "Dear Younger Me" and even though I've heard it a few times it was different this listen. Different in the this-made-me-cry-I-can't-cry-while-I'm-running way.

The song is pretty much what you'd expect from a Christian band with a title like that. It's telling yourself "Hey, sometimes I wish you hadn't been so stupid"...only nicer. But just a little.

If I had a lot of money or were a betting person, I'd be willing to put some cash on the fact that we all feel like that sometimes. I know I do. There are things in my past that I am definitely not proud of. Some skeletons in my closet that I don't really care to share. It's taken years to get over some of the things that have happened in my past; there are some things that I might not ever get over. You know what, though? I'm okay with that.

The song talks about how if we could tell our younger selves all we've learned so far and tell them, then they'd be one step ahead. I think about that sometimes. Like, if we could go back in time and warn ourselves about things. For example: "On (this day) in 2006 you're probably going to get your heart ripped out, just don't answer the phone, okay?" That's not realistic, however, and that's okay. We can't change things that we've done or that have happened to us; we can only learn and grow from them.

I think that sometimes people have a hard time letting go of the past but, like, it's gone. You can't change it, you can't fix it. Sure, it messed you up, but you are better than that. Get over it.

Not sorry.

Sometimes I tend to be a little harsh in the "get over it" sort of way. I just don't see the sense in dwelling on the past. Unless your past has been really, really horrific, then I'm sorry. 

I wish I could say that everything stupid thing I've done has made me a better person, but I'd be lying. (Sometimes I'm really an ass.) I wish I could say that everything that has happened has provided an opportunity for growth, but that would also be a lie. Sometimes things just happen, you know? I'm not a big believer in "everything happens for a reason". I believe that things happen, we learn from them, and we move on. If we spend time worrying about the reason, then we're going to miss out on everything else! 

Instead I believe in growth and change. In hope and perseverance. I believe in being strong when people don't think you can be. I don't believe our past defines us. 

So, if I got to say something to myself it would be this: 

Thanks. Thanks for being stubborn and stupid. Thanks for making those mistakes, because now I know that I can do better. Thanks for not giving up, because our life is good. Thanks for loving your family, even though they're really crazy. Thanks for finding Jesus, he's helped us a lot. Thanks for being awesome, it's only going to get better. 

Tell yourself something good this week, okay? 

All The Things

Oh, hey. You're still here? Yeah, me too.

It's been a month since my rant about honking at runners and I don't actually have an excuse except that I've been really, really tired. Like, really. I kept thinking I wanted to write a post about how tired I've been but I don't want all those "Hey, at least you don't have kids" and "But you don't have anyone to go home to" comments. I know I don't have a family or anything to come home to (do you seriously think I don't?), but that doesn't mean I don't have a life. Okay, so my life isn't that interesting...but I also don't like to complain, so I've put off this post for a while.

It's not that I'm tired per se, but more like I'm stretched too thin. Honestly, this is my own fault. I like to do things. I need to do things. No, I don't have this sick need for recognition, I just actually like doing stuff for people. (One of my spiritual gifts is Helps - a blessing and a curse, let's be real.)

Sometimes, though...sometimes doing stuff gets tiring.

Most of the stuff I do is for work because I love my job. I love it. There is nothing else I'd rather be doing, which is great because most of my waking hours are actually spent at work. Sometimes I think back to summer vacation and to those moments when I used to get a little stir crazy and wish for something to do. Those are times when I also wish I could kick myself. Sometimes I get the "You need a life" or "You work too much" talk (thanks, Mom), but I don't really mind. I do work a lot. But I love it.

I talk a big talk about being alone, hating everyone and pants, but the time I get to spend with my people helps to alleviate some of work stress. Praise band on Tuesday, life group on Thursday, people in my books on the weekends. The weeks where everything runs together smoothly are like magic. Especially if I get to train in that week since I'm supposed to be running a half-marathon in two months. That's a whole other post entirely. But, of course, the weeks aren't always perfect.

There are days when I feel like I've bit off more than I can chew. Like I really can't do all the things I've committed to and that kind of scares me. It scares me because I want to be able to do all the things. This weekend was the first weekend in over a month when I actually didn't have anything I was committed to. No school functions, no family parties, no races...IT WAS AMAZING. But still, I love doing the things.

Actually me. 

One day I want to be able to do all the things I want and do all the things people think I should do. You know, get married and have kids and get a dog or something. I don't know what the kids are doing these days. 

Anyways, back to doing stuff. I love doing stuff! Sometimes I see my coworkers all freaking out and having bad days and I just want to hug them. I really do because I love you guys and you're all so awesome. Yeah, it's a hard job and we do a lot, but it's the best job. It's not a job you can walk out on and not think about again. Maybe it's just me, but I take it home every night. I take it home mentally, because I'm also thinking about what I can do better, how I can fix something that might not have gone well, how I can try to be better the next day. Sometimes I'm a grump and I want to turn it around. Sometimes nothing goes right so I have to put in a little extra effort to make sure I'm doing my best. 

Sure, sometimes your best is hard. Maybe you don't think things you do deserve your best, but they do. Perhaps the people don't deserve your best, but you should give it to them anyway. Not because they deserve it, but because you do. 

I hope you're doing all the things you want to do. And that you're drinking a lot of coffee while you do it. 

Also me.

Don't Honk at Me

Ugh, I'm annoyed.

I started the first week of September training for a half marathon and so far it's been going okay. I say okay because, ugh, running. I love running, but it's the worst, okay? I also have been working, like, fourteen hour days so it's hard to get my training in sometimes.

Anyways, that's not the point.

The point is that while I'm running, or rather, since I started running, I've had to deal with some things and at this point I'm kind of over it.

I hate when people honk at me while I'm running. There, I've said it. The truth is out. I think it's rude, disrespectful, and to be honest it makes me feel unsafe. I don't live in a super great part of town so any extra attention already freaks me out. Also, I'm fluffy and barely five-feet-tall. I can't take care of myself, and it isn't like I run quickly.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but this has been bothering me for a few weeks. I know that I have had people tell me they saw me or said "hey, I honked at you" and yeah, okay. Maybe it's a little bit of motivation for me and that's cool for you. But for me to be a woman, alone on a busy street, and hear honking, it's a little scary.

Perhaps the strangers that honk also think they are helping me be motivated, or maybe they just feel sorry for the poor, slow girl who looks like she wants to die or is going spastic with some random dance move. (It happens.) It just doesn't really feel that way.

Honestly...it feels like I'm being objectified and it scares me. Last week someone actually cat-called at me while they were driving at 40+ MPH. I mean, really? Really? Is that supposed to be sexy? Am I supposed to be flattered? Because all they got was a very non-Methodist gesture and a dirty look. It isn't sexy, and it isn't flattering. It's rude and disrespectful. I'm a woman and an athlete (lolz) and I feel that we, as women and athletes, should be respected as that. On a run with my sister tonight we were yelled at once and honked at three times in a thirty minute period. We were not amused.

Seriously. This is what I look like after a run. I'm not cute, okay?

You're probably thinking I'm going all feminist on you, and that's okay. Point is, I should be able to do what I want with my body, when I want to, and be able to feel safe doing it. If that means I can run down the street in sensible clothes that show minimal skin without feeling like I'm being ogled, then so be it.

Is that too much to ask?

#respecttherunner

Oh, and don't even get me started on people who don't look before driving through crosswalks!

Happy honking.

If you're a friend who has honked I'm sorry and I love you.

Be Cool

I yelled at my kids last week. Not all of them, just a few. (Okay, I've used my teacher voice a little more than I'd like this year, but that's another post entirely. Or maybe that's just a happy hour conversation to save for later.)

This is my confession. I yelled. I felt bad. I tried to make excuses for my behavior, and then I felt guilty. Maybe they deserved it, but that was really no excuse for my behavior. I mean, I felt really bad. Here's the thing: I had a bad reaction to an already bad situation and I lost my cool.

But I really did. 

I know it's hard to believe, but it happened. If I were using that as a teachable moment I would have said to myself: "You did not seek first to understand, then to be understood, Ashley". Then I would have yelled at myself for being an asshole when I was already feeling bad.

It's been a week and I still think about it and get a little embarrassed because I hate losing my cool. Haaaaaate it. It sounds a little ridiculous, but if I lose my cool it's like they've beaten me. And the thing is, is that they always will if you let them.

Now, I'm not saying this like everyday is a constant battle, even though sometimes it feels like it can be. What I mean is- and I mean this is the most professional way possible- you have to show them that you are the boss.

Losing your cool does not show them you are the boss. It show's them that you have a short temper and they can get to you quickly.

Don't be a spaz, okay? 

I really feel like to key to any well functioning classroom is respect. Not just respect between teacher and students, but also students and other students. Hell, I feel the key to anything working well is respect. Respect, not fear or coercion. I guess the hard part is: how do you earn that respect without being a hardass? How do you do it without being mean and loud? How, how, how?

One thing I like to do is embarrass myself as much as possible. By the end of the first week students know which books I like (Harry Potter), who my favorite superhero is (Captain America), what's my favorite animal (turtles, but I have a cat), and so on. Sometimes we sing and play silly games, or sometimes I sing just to make them laugh. It breaks up the monotony of the day and I think that, by me acting like an idiot, they get to see a different side of me.

Of course, I still have to be tough. I still don't put up with BS. There are consequences for all actions, good and bad. That's something that we are still learning about and understanding here in the fifth week of school.

It's a process, though, and I'm working through it.

Someone mentioned after my last post that they were looking for the positive piece in it. The thing is...sometimes there isn't a positive piece. Sometimes they day is just shitty and you have to move on. Sometimes the next day isn't any better. But maybe, after a few of those bad days, some kid comes up to you and smiles and hugs you...and maybe that's it. Maybe that's your positive. I've learned in my life that not all things happen when and how we want them to. The same goes with teaching. Teaching is a lifestyle, it's a life. It doesn't always go the way you want it to, but sometimes it's pretty sweet. I hope I can remember that the next time my cool threatens to be lost. ;)

Keep on truckin', y'all.

Stand Tall

This week sucked. Like, really sucked. 

The first week back to school after summer vacation is always the hardest in my (most teachers') opinion. Kids have been running willy-nilly for two months and we're expected to just jump right on in and get to teaching. 

Yeah, right.

First, we have to go through the rules. Then, the procedures for basically EVERY MOVEMENT YOU MAKE. After that, we have to go through the rules again because OMG JUST RAISE YOU HAND IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING. 

Oh, I'm shouting. Sorry. See, I'm not a voice-raiser in my classroom. The louder I get, they louder they get and that just doesn't work for me. You know how I know it doesn't work for me? Because that's all I did this week. My students love to talk. I don't even know what they're talking about, and most of the time I don't even think they were talking to each other. Seriously, I'm pretty sure these kids were just making noises to themselves. 

What. Even. 

Anytime I turned around I heard Mad-Eye Moody's voice in my head: "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" 

Rest in Peace, Moody! 

Basically I spent so much of this week redirecting in a positive manner that what the hell did I even teach? But it's okay. I mean, eventually it will be okay because I really have to remember a few things. 

Number one: They're kids. Kids are impulsive and loud (ugh, and messy). Just because I haven't been around them in two months doesn't mean they haven't changed. This is my eighth year teaching, so I should know better than to think that everything is going to be sunshine and roses the first week. If anything, I should read my own words and think about herding cats because that's all I did this week. 

Number two: They don't know me yet. They don't know my class rules fully or my teaching style or the jokes I have. (I have jokes, okay?) From what I've learned over the years I know that kids are eager to please. I'm looking forward to them getting to know me and for that to (hopefully) make my class more fun for them. 

(Sidenote: While playing a game called "Walk the Line" with my class I gave them a choice between Captain America and Superman and told them to choose wisely. All but one of them did. Yeah, they'll know me soon enough.)

Number three: I don't know them. I can complain until I'm blue in the face about how my kids don't know how things work in my classroom, but if I don't take the time to show an interest in their lives then what am I even here for? I know them academically but I don't know their strengths yet. I know what I've seen in the hallways from previous years and what other teachers have told me, but that doesn't matter. Just like students, all teachers are different, too. I got a "you've got your hands full" comment this week, but in the next 175 days that might change

Number four: It's a good job. As in: it's a job that does good. (Not well.) Kids, man. They're everything. 

So, I'm ready for week two. I'm all stocked up on coffee (Starbucks blonde roast, to be exact) and I'm feelings pretty good. I mean, all my laundry is clean and that's really all I can prepare for. I don't know what's going to happen in my classroom but at least I'll be caffeinated and have on clean pants. 

Godspeed, 

Your Tired Teacher Friend

Summertime Blues

I love my job. See, usually when I start a post out like that it means something important is coming. This might be that post, I'm just not sure yet. School started back officially this week. I say officially because I've technically been at work in my classroom for over a week. I tend to be a bit of an overachiever on some things whereas others seem to fall by the wayside (laundry, dirty dishes, feeding the cat...). My classroom is one of those things I like overachieve on. I'm going to be practically living there with twenty-something little ones for the next ten months so I like to make it fun and pretty. Okay, so my room is all set up and this week is a full week for teachers. Summer is officially (there's that word again) over. It's a little sad, but at the same time I'm kind of excited about the new year. And now I'm going to tell you why. I mean, if you didn't already know that.

A routine. Basically I do nothing all summer. Last summer I spent quite a few hours doing some private tutoring that was pretty much torture, so this summer I decided against all that.

Summer goes like this:
8AM - Maybe get up.
9AM - Probably drink two cups of coffee.
11AM - Should I eat breakfast?
12:30PM - Is it lunchtime?
3PM - Did I just fall asleep for three hours?!
5PM - Maybe shower.
9:00-12AM - Bedtime?

In between I'm usually reading (52 books so far this summer!) or watching television. Or cleaning things out.

During the school year I set an alarm! I shower every day! I eat on a schedule! Trust me, my pants need this. They are rebelling against my waistline.

School supplies. I absolutely love new school supplies. Sure when they come out in July I want to run through the displays and knock them all on the floor, but come August 1st I'm all for them. My wallet is not, just an FYI. No one appreciates the smell of Crayola crayons like a teacher. The way a fresh Expo marker smoothly glides over your whiteboard. Opening a new planner to put everything ever in it. Man, I love school supplies.

I did my own school shopping, too. 

Friends. I work with some pretty cool peeps and I got to see most of them sporadically this summer, but there's just something about seeing those faces every day that really gets me. I feel like it's this idea that everyone is there for the same reason you are that really draws us together. We're there for the kids, not the paycheck or the time off, and it really builds on the workplace camaraderie when you're all working toward the same goal.

Which I guess brings me to my last point. I'd originally wanted to do this at a Top Ten List, but I'm on my third day of training and my second beer (in a Captain America Tervis with a straw, thankyouverymuch), so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Kids. Look, I don't teach because I "love kids". I am an avid learner. I love to read and research and find out new things. I teach because I want to share that love of learning with others. "Others" being children, got it? Also, I'm not being insensitive when I say that. It's just a very strong feeling of mine that people don't go into teaching because they "love kids". That's not to say that I don't love them, because I do. I have a godson and little cousins, as well as friends who have kids that are beautiful reminder of how amazing little people are. They are the inspiration for what I do, if that makes sense. I teach because because I want to inspire. I want to change and shape the future. I want a kid to feel valued when they normally don't. To feel smart even though the struggle. To be a leader when and to gain confidence that will help them in the future. It's not the reason I went into teaching, but I do love those kids. If you've read any of my other posts you know that.

So, I guess I'm ready to go back to school. I'm ready for those fresh, smiling faces. I'm ready for the stress and the long hours and less sleep. I'm ready to work with people I love and do the thing I love. I'm already exhausted and stressed, but I'm feeling empowered and I'm ready. (It's probably the beer, right?)

And besides, I'll always have the weekends, you know?

I 

I hope you're inspired this year. And if it's awesome, share it with me. 

What's Your Story?

When I was halfway through the education program at my school I had a run-in with a professor that almost made me quit entirely. I was in block four (out of five), meaning I was almost at the finish line. At Florida Gulf Coast University during block four you are supposed to be part-time interning and taking a full course of classes. At this point I was working a full-time job, so I was only taking the classes and putting off the internship a semester. The only problem was that I was also taking a class from block two, which was basically and introductory reading course. With this course you were supposed to do a field experience and work with a student on reading strategies. I'd been in a classroom, but didn't really feel welcome or that the classroom teacher was making time for me to work with the student I needed to be with. Also, I was working a full-time job and taking a course load of classes, so it was rough. 

It just so happened that the classroom teacher and my professor were friends. The classroom teacher made it a point to tell the professor how unprofessional I was and that she didn't feel I was taking the project seriously. This resulted in a meeting with myself and the professor which ended with me in tears and seriously thinking about forgetting everything I'd worked so hard for over the last four years. Especially when the statement that haunts me (and by that I mean severely pisses me off) still was "Maybe it's time to think about if teaching is really for you". 

Now, I say that I was seriously considering quitting, but that really only happened for a hot minute. The thing was (is) that I've always known teaching was for me. I didn't need this woman, who knew absolutely nothing about my situation, to tell me it wasn't. But here's the thing: she knew absolutely nothing about me. She didn't know that I worked a full-time job. That I was incredibly socially anxious, especially when put into a classroom of a person I didn't know who didn't even seem to want me there. She didn't know that I was helping take my dad to weekly radiation appointments across the state or that I was dealing with a an on-again off-again idiot boyfriend. Or that I was struggling with horrific management at my job and people who were determined to make life an actual living hell. 

All this woman knew was that her friend thought I was unprofessional. Of course, had she known all of that she probably would have just said "Suck it up, Buttercup", and moved on. 

So here's the thing: we don't all wear our stories on our sleeves/faces/other places. It's not really in everyone's nature to spill your deepest, darkest secrets with strangers. Sometimes it isn't easy to tell these things to our closest friends or family. It is, however, so easy for us to judge someone before we know their story. 

Here's an example: A couple of years ago I had a student in my class who always wanted to be the center of attention. He called out, said inappropriate things, and was always trying to make jokes at the expense of learning. He got quite the reputation. But..the more I found out about this kid, the more I understood his behavior. It didn't make his behavior anymore acceptable, but at least I had a new way of looking at the situation. 

I think there are things in our lives that are unavoidable. I don't believe in the sentiment of "everything happens for a reason", but I believe that whatever happens to us helps us to be who were are supposed to be. What's sad is that even though we all have skeletons in our closets- we all have our unavoidable things- we still judge others based on what's hiding in theirs. Trust me, I'm not judging the judgers, because I'm guilty of it too. It's hard not to think about people's past mistakes and not to judge them based on something that can't be changed or undone. But as the one who has made the mistakes, it's even harder. Moving on is difficult, especially when your skeletons are bountiful. 

Not sorry. 

Judging someone is easy. Being that person who doesn't care is easy. Taking the time to be kind, to listen, to be a friend...that's the hard part. Sometimes people don't want to open up. Sometimes we think that we're too good to be kind to someone who was messed up so badly. You know what, though? You're never too good to be kind. Like, really and truly never too good. If you think that's true then I'm seriously judging you right now. 

Just kidding. 

Mostly. 

The Struggle is Real

Right about now is the part of summer vacation that I really start feeling sorry for myself. With just under two weeks left before I "officially" go back to work it's time to shape up. Unfortunately I mean that in the physical and emotional sense. See, you've probably seen my Facebook posts or read here about the Summer Weight Gain that goes along with lounging around and reading books all day, yeah? Most of the time I make a joke out of that, because it's a little bit funny. But, then again, it really isn't.

If I've calculated correctly, since the end of the school year (oh, let's just say April), I've gained about seven pounds. Right now I can practically hear some of you rolling your eyes. Sure, seven pounds might not seem like a lot, but sometimes it feels like it.

That pooch over your bathing suit bottom?

A little bit of muffin top over your jeans?

Your favorite shorts just a little too tight?

Sigh. 

Sometimes I make myself believe that those are the things summer is for! It's a time to do nothing and let yourself go because you don't have anyone to impress for a few weeks. I also know that this is complete bullshit because, let me be honest here, I like to impress myself.

I am a vain, vain creature and I've said before, I'm my own worst enemy. 

I struggle. 

Every. 

Single. 

Day. 

So many people want to be perfect, but the thing is that everyone's definition of perfect is different. What's perfect for me probably isn't perfect for the next person, or the person after that, or you. It probably doesn't help that a lot of magazines and movies push the whole "skinny tall chick" as the protocol for perfect, either. I mean, who in their right mind would photoshop out Scarlett Johansson's curves out of a poster? Someone who likes stick figures, that's who. But then again, ScarJo might not be someone's idea of perfect. And also, maybe being perfect is overrated? With me, I get stuck on a goal, and that goal is my perfect. I see it. I want it. I do it. Right now this goal happens to be a number. 

I WANT THAT NUMBER SO BAD. 

That number is my goal, which makes it my obsession. See, right about now is where my big, ugly OCD rears it's point counting head. I don't really mind that much though, it gives me peace (and something to do). So that's what I've been doing. I've gone back to my old Weight Watchers (BECAUSE IT WORKS) ways for the time being. The only thing is...Weight Watchers works sloooooow. I know this. I know this because I started WW in October 2011 and met my goal in February 2012. In those five months I lost 18.6 pounds. Needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself. I've managed to maintain that weight for almost two years, which is why gaining so much in such a short amount of time has taken a toll on me. I don't always stick to a WW diet. I like fried foods and junk food just as much as the next normal person, but I really tend to be a healthy eater...for the most part. 

I think that's why this is bothering me so much. At thirty-one I'm the healthiest I've probably even been. It's crazy, right? I graduated high school weighing not a whole lot and basically lived on a diet of fast food. Here I am now: running a few miles a week, taking trips to the gym, and ABSOLUTELY NOT EATING FAST FOOD EVER (does Starbucks count?) and I'm struggling. Like, what happens to your metabolism once you hit twenty-five? It's the worst! 

Word.

I know (hope?) that everyone struggles with body issues, no matter how thin or un-thin you are. I also know, thanks to Weight Watchers, that it's okay to struggle and it's okay to not be happy with yourself as long as you want to do something about it. Being you is what makes you so awesome, so if you want a more awesome you then go for it. My friend Michelle (don't be mad) always has the best advice when I'm down on myself. She says things like "Be kind to yourself" and "Focus on how you feel, not a number". I love her for that, and sometimes I wish it were that easy.

Of course, sometimes it is easy, but often times it's not. And, most of the time, it's nice to know you aren't the only one struggling. Being perfect by someone else's standards is hard. Being perfect by your own? Feels impossible to me. Right now I'm taking it one healthy day at a time. 

Just...hide the cookies, okay? 

Three pounds to go. 

Vacation: All I Ever Wanted

Teachers get a lot of crap about summer vacation. That usually sparks someone (who is probably not a teacher) to create a list of "What You Think/What Actually Happens" and try to debunk all the rumors of what teachers really do on vacation. 

The list has things like Pinterest-ing, creating projects, shopping for classroom supplies, and making lists for the new year. 

Guess how many things on that list I've done so far this summer? 

Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

Now, plenty of my friends are posting things and that's fine. Receipts from school supply stores, pictures of fun new items, Pinteresting the crap out of classroom posters and projects. (Okay, I admit to Pinteresting some stuff but mostly I'm there for the food and funny pictures.) I just choose to do my summer vacation a little differently.

For example: 

Early on this summer I took on the challenge of watching all three seasons of Veronica Mars in a week. Fine, it didn't really take me a whole week to watch it. It also didn't take me a whole week to gain my first four pounds of the summer. To me, that's what summer is all about! Lounging around and doing whatever the heck you want. If watching all the television you missed while cramming that twelve months of work into 180 days is what you want to do, do it. It's okay! (PS - Sorry if you have kids and can't do that.) 

Me.

I like challenges, so each year I challenge myself to read a certain number of books. This year it was one hundred. So, from January to December I'm supposed to read one hundre books. I reached that goal yesterday. Okay, I'm at one-oh-one now. That's thirty-nine books since school let out. Some of you probably think this is because I have no life (you're probably right), but it's also because I DO WHATEVER I WANT BECAUSE I'M ON VACATION. If you aren't a reader I hope you found something else relaxing to do with your time. This is just what I like to do. 

Never happens...

I posted early this summer about my trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Islands of Adventure. A couple weeks after that I got up at 3:30AM and made the trip back to Orlando for the opening of Diagon Alley in Universal Studios. Basically is was the dumbest and most awesome thing I've ever done. I didn't do a lot of "traveling" this summer, but the little I did was so worth it. Of course, I've been following all my friends' travels on Facebook and, while it looks awesome, I'm glad I only traveled a few hours away from home. Besides, being in Orlando is basically like being in a different world. 

BRB, going to the Ministry of Magic.

I also challenged myself to go to the gym and workout this summer. If we're friends on Facebook you've probably seen my posts about weight gain. Yeah, it's not muscle I've gained. Kudos to those of you who have had the strength and motivation to workout. I've had a hard enough time getting out of bed, so I've passed on the gym stuff. I'll just pretend to workout my brain by reading a lot of intelligent books (lolz). I did run three 5Ks this summer, which is working out...to me. 

But really, that's the beauty of summer vacation: lounging, reading, traveling, and doing what you love. I don't have to spend time shopping and creating and pinning. If I actually want to lie on the couch all day and read all day I will. If I want to go to the pool and read, I might. If I go to the beach to read I'm kind of pushing things, because I'm not too crazy about leaving the house unless I absolutely have to. 

The point of this is probably to tell you to enjoy your summer vacation. You worked hard this year and you earned it. Don't sweat the new year just yet. Trust me, August 11th will be here before you know it and then you won't have pool time or book time or lying on the couch time, you know? It'll be seating charts, grading papers, classroom management, lesson plans, meetings, paperwork (are you depressed yet?), and all that other stuff that comes with having the best job in the whole world.  

So, just chill out. 

Twenty more days. 

XO, 

Ash

I Love Running (No, Really.)

I've been doing this whole "running" thing for just over a year now. If you follow this silly little blog (or know me at all, jeez) you know how it all started. A friend posted on The Facebook about starting C25K (Couch to 5K) and the rest is basically history. We virtually trained together and ended up running our first 5K together, too. And I blogged about it, because I do that.

Anyways, after a year of running I've got a few milestones under my dry-fit spandex pants (did you think I was going to say belt?) and I'm pretty happy with them. So far I've ran six 5Ks, one 10K, and have signed up for my first half marathon in January 2015.

Yesterday, while I was running the Star Spangled 5K and feeling dehydrated and gross at 8:00AM, I just couldn't help but think how much I truly loved running. It's funny to say that, right? Like, I'm not a great runner, but I like it. (I feel the same way about writing, to be honest. I'm not great at it, but it's fun so I do it.) I'm not fast, I don't see myself winning any medals or ribbons, but I cross the finish line to all my races and that's really all the matters. I mean, if you recall from my previous post about running cross country my junior year of high school you would remember me being last in all my races, but always finishing them. (Funny story: my coach once made me run in the JV race even though I was a junior. Uncool.)

But, yeah, I love running. And, like I do, I'm going to tell you why.

Therapy. There's this saying or internet meme going around that says "Running is cheaper than therapy". Ain't that the truth, amirite? When I've had a hard day in my classroom, or a bad day in general, running is so good at making me forget. How can you think about other things when all you're doing is focusing on putting one foot in front of the other? Why be stressed when you can listen to your favorite song and check out the scenery of a long wrong?

There's always visuals here. 

Health. I really feel like I'm at my healthiest since I've started running. A couple of years ago I did Weight Watchers and have successfully kept the weight off, but I feel that running has been a big help to that. Running is my excuse to eat, let's say, whatever I want. Like, I can eat that entire bag of chips because I'm going running later. (This is what I call carb-loading, pay no attention to me.) When I run I feel less guilt about whatever it was that I might have eaten or drank before, because I sweat it all out, right? This is what I tell myself okay? Also, I have nice calves now.

Camaraderie. (Or Friendship, if you don't like big words.) When I started running I realized what a huge community there was! Not only through online blogs or social media accounts (my favorite is Scoot A Doot because I love those ladies), but even in my own school, church, and circle of friends. Of course, my circle of friends is mainly people from school and church, so...

It's super cool when you find someone else who runs and who wants to talk about it or ask your for advice. (Also: you probably shouldn't ask a noob like me for advice.) During our 10K training (I use this term loosely) my best running buddy and I had people who wanted to run with us. We were pretty nervous because we tend to be slow, hence the running together, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. And, even with our lousy training schedule, we managed to finish our first 10K. 

Yay! (Don't sue me for using your picture, okay?) 

Teamwork. Okay, I know running isn't a team sport, but sometimes it feels like it is. Most of my races have been done with a friend and I can't tell you how much it helps to have someone there to help you set the pace and keep you going. My favorite thing from yesterday's race was watching those super fast runners who finished first come back through those of us who were still running (I told you I was slow, okay?). Whether they were cheering us on, or giving a thumbs-up, or even running next to others through the finish line- they cared. It's awesome crossing the finish line after any kind of race because people are waiting for you, they're cheering you on, and they just don't care how slow you are because you finished (so there, high school cross country coach). 

Running is cool and I had a moment yesterday when I just felt like telling people about it, so there you have it. Like I said, I'm not winning any races any time soon, but at least I'll be finishing them. 

Happy running. (Or not.) 

Pardon Me While I Fangirl

My last post was about how I don't know how to "act my age". This post is going to prove that point. It's going to prove it so good.

This weekend I finally got to visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Islands of Adventure. Sure, to a lot of people it's just a theme park with a cool castle and a couple of rides and a delicious Butterbeer drink. But to others (me) it's literature come to life. It is, almost literally, magic.

Let me give you a little history about my love affair with Mr. Potter. My younger sister was interested in the movies when she was a kid but I didn't really see what the big deal was at the time. Today (June 26th, 2014) marks the 17th anniversary of the release of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's (Sorcerer's to Americans) Stone. So, seventeen years ago I was in high school and the extent of my reading was either the required lists in my English class or some sort of trashy romance novel.

It wasn't until the third movie came out in 2004 and I took my sister to see it that I actually became interested in the series. It happened for a very specific reason that I remember so very clearly: I needed to know more. I even borrowed the first book from one of my classmates even though I'm pretty sure she hated me. There are so many things that were left unanswered for me in that two hours that I absolutely had to find them out as soon as possible. See, movies aren't always all they're cracked up to be. ;) 

I know there are people who don't like to read and there are people who definitely don't like to read children's fantasy books, but all I know is that the book is always better than the movie. This is something that the Harry Potter series has taught me. It's also taught me patience, though I consider myself lucky enough to not have started the journey with Mr. Potter until after what I can only imagine was a torturous three year wait between Book 4 and Book 5.

So, in the ten years since I've become a Potterhead I have been to two midnight book releases and five midnight movie openings. One thing I hadn't done? GO TO THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER WHEN IT OPENED IN 2010.

Until now:

"Yep, I'm home."

I can't really explain what it's like to see this place without waxing poetic about it, okay? I just know that I got a little emotional. Now, for a non-Potterhead (ie: normal person) that probably sounds weird. However, if you've read any of my other posts you know that I'm weird and you are either a) also weird, b) okay with my weirdness, or c) indifferent and like when I say stupid things. Like I said before, this park is literature come to life. Not only that, it's one of my favorite books of all time come to life. And, guys, it's amazing.

The details that are put into the stores and rides and the castle. This place is everything I hoped it would be and more. Even with the hundreds of people (tourists) milling about the little town of Hogsmeade it was an experience to remember. (So much so that we went back after spending a day at Universal Studios BECAUSE DIAGON ALLEY ISN'T OPEN YET.)

Pretty impressive. 

Anyways, the whole visit really was like magic and even though phase two isn't open at Universal Studios yet, they do offer you a sneak peek of the outside streets and some of the London buildings. 

King's Cross Station

The Knight Bus (The conductor looks just like Stan Shunpike.)

Outside buildings, including Grimmauld Place at the end.

If you (Potterheads) have seen any of the photos from Diagon Alley, you know this is pretty much nothing. But it was so exciting to catch a little glimpse of it even though it is apparently very tightly under lock and key. Universal workers said that they haven't seen any of it either, so it must be good. Oh, and don't try to jump the fence. They don't like when you do that. 

She was a good sport. 

That was my Wizarding World of Harry Potter experience and it was awesome. Nothing too embarrassing happened. I even survived riding Dragon Challenge solo because my family is a bunch of chickens. Well, nothing embarrassing happened until I met Captain America... 

Funny story for you okay? You know I love superheroes. Captain America is probably my favorite. (Okay he is. And okay it probably has something to do with the beauty that is Chris Evans. I can't help it, I like pretty things.Oh, and FREEDOM.) So here's what happened: 

My sister loves Wolverine and while we're hanging out in the Marvel Superhero Island the X-Men characters are out taking pictures. Now, when I went to Disney as a kid this was the coolest thing ever. I mean, those people are practically famous, right? Here I am at the ripe old age of thirty-one and I just don't care that much. (Can you sense the foreshadowing here?) So, Sarah is super excited to get her picture taken with Wolverine and I'm joking on her about it but she doesn't care 'cause the guy's pretty cute and nice so it's okay. I'm not sure what I was expecting in this part of the park since Disney owns Marvel and other things that I don't know a lot about, but I didn't think they would have any other heroes there. 

So. We're leaving to go on a ride and I'd turned around to say something to my mother and when I faced forward again there he was. Okay, I know he's just a dude in a suit. I KNOW. However, when some dude in a suit with a shield looking like your favorite superhero just appears right in front of you, sometimes you forgot how to human. That's not a typo, I forgot to how to human. As in: what are words? (Did I mention he was tall?) So, my mother jumped in (she could talk to a brick wall, for real) shook his hand and told him to shake mine, which he did and then he walked away. (He had nice eyes, too.)

How'd I get the picture, you ask? Oh, that's because I may have kind of stalked Captain America just a little bit. Of course, in true Captain America fashion he a) remembered me b) thanked me for coming to see him c) asked me if I wanted to be protected or hold the shield. 

After that I had to put up with a lot of crap from my sister because, yeah, they're just guys in suits taking pictures with gross, sweaty, weird people all day. I deserved it, though. To each fangirl her own, after all.

Some of us are just weirder than others.

That's it in a nutshell. I don't really know if this post had a point except for me to be excited about something and tell you an embarrassing story. I don't really mind that much, though. Laughter is the best medicine, in my book. Also, if you can't laugh at yourself then you suck, okay? 

But really, I don't think anyone is ever too old to experience magic. Maybe it's in a book or a theme park or a dude in a suit. Go have some fun or something and then tell me about it, because I love fun. 

XOXO