They're Just Kids

I love my job. It's a good job and, like I've said a bajillion times before, it's a hard job. I know there are jobs more difficult and I know there are jobs more rewarding. I know that know matter what you do, you always have a chance to make and impact in someone else's life. I get all of that and I never want to degrade what anyone else does, this is just how I feel about my job.

Kids are important. Kids are the future. As teachers we literally see the future every single day. Let me tell you, folks, it's scary. Okay, that might be going a little overboard, but it's hard to be serious when, in a classroom of second graders, someone farts and it takes ten minutes to get everyone back under control. (This happens more than once a week, okay.)

Bodily functions aside, there are so many other things I sometimes forget about kids. Sometimes I think we are so focused on what we need them to do and what our expectations are, that I think we forget they're just kids.

But really, it's not the fact that they're just kids that bothering me these days. I know that kids are loud and impulsive. I know they need to express their feelings in weird ways and can't always control their emotions. Kids are my business, even though I don't have any of my own. In my eight (short) years of teaching I've seen a lot. I've seen kids of all different, shapes, sizes, and colors. I've had students from broken homes, perfect homes, and no homes at all. There's kids with mental and emotional problems that I can't even begin to comprehend.

That's what is killing me right now. The fact that these kids are dealing with things that we don't even know about. I've been really frustrated with my students this week (okay, this year) and I think that this is my main problem. I focus so much on what's happening in my classroom: how they are behaving, what they are doing or not doing, how they are interacting with others. When my focus is on all of those things, I lose sight of what's really important: the kid.

The need to reprimand a behavior is a common reaction, but it isn't always the reaction they kid needs. It's really, really hard to take a step back from the situation and just think about it. Which is kind of funny to write, because I just attended a training that said "IT'S OKAY TO TAKE SOME TIME TO THINK". (Which probably means that I need to pay more attention.)

It's easy to jump to a punishment, write a note, or make a phone call. The hard part is working it out with the kid. Asking the hard questions and figuring out what in the world is going on with them, instead of just punishing them for something they may not have any control over.

Seeking first to understand is hard. When I talk about the Seven Habits of Happy Kids with my students that one is the most difficult to explain, because sometimes I struggle with it. By sometimes I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I love my jobs. I love these kids. I might complain about them a lot, but it's because I want more from them and for them. I want them to succeed no matter what their circumstances Even though I know that some of their circumstances are not the greatest, I know they can overcome them. They are the future and, yes, sometimes the future is a little shaky and often times it farts in the middle of class, but that's okay. (Everybody farts, y'all.)

So, this week...okay, next week I'm going to remember that they're just kids. I going to think before I react and ask the hard questions. And, if all goes to crap, I'll just get up the next day and do it all over again.

XOXO,
Ash

Faithful, Faithful, Faithful

I’ve been in a funk lately.

It hasn’t been too horrible, but it’s been rough. Sometimes things get so hectic that I have trouble balancing all of them. I get upset when I figuratively (and literally) drop the ball on things, and then everything else just spirals downward from there.

This past week was especially tough, though I’m still not sure why. It wasn’t different than any other week from the outside. Of course, on the inside I was like a little raging hurricane.

Most days it feels like life is moving too fast: demanding job, family obligations, and personal life (ha!). And, like I said before, I drop the ball sometimes. Things get pushed to the wayside; they get forgotten, swept under the rug, and etc. Personally, I hate when that happens.

See, I don’t like to let people down...even myself.

However, I’ve found that when I worry about life, it only gets worse. The storm doesn’t let up, the waves are pushing you in all different direction, and you just feel like your drowning sometimes.

(My sister informed me that the top part was totally depressing. That’s life, kid.)

Here’s where it gets interesting: the past few weeks at church the sermons have focused on being faithful through the storms of life.

*INSERT FLASHING NEON SIGN HERE*

Yeah, I needed that a few weeks ago. A big sign that says: “ARE YOU LISTENING? THIS IS FOR YOU. (And some other folks, too.)”

Of course, when we’re running a million miles an hour (in the wrong direction), we aren't going to realize that the answer to our prayers is right in front of us, are we?

I know enough to understand that when I ask for something, it doesn’t always come to me the way I expect it to. God is always surprising me in ways that I sometimes can’t explain, but I also know that is part of His wonder. The way he shows up just when I think he’s not even listening.

Sometimes it's a quiet moment in my classroom, or at the grocery store, or even in a song or scripture.

What really stuck out to me today was this, from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount:

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day in its own trouble.” –Matthew 6:34

Basically what Jesus is saying, and which was taught wonderfully in worship today, is why are you worrying about tomorrow? It isn’t even here yet! Worry about today! Think about today and what you have to do with this day that’s been given to you. Tomorrow will be there tomorrow, so worry about it then, right?

I think that’s the hardest thing for people to do sometimes. We give ourselves so much to do that it’s all we can think about and everything else gets forgotten. We are but fragile humans who need certain things to survive and when we’re just goinggoinggoing all the time, we don’t get those things.

We don’t rest or love or laugh. Laughing is my favorite.

If I personally don’t do those things I walk around with my perpetual Nick Miller face and no one wants that, trust me.

Nick Miller, duh.

To me, it’s best if things are kept light. If I think positive about every situation and just know that it’s okay to be okay.

Worship leader Darlene Zscech says: “If your negative emotions get on top of you, pessimism and passivity sets in…often people become cynical when their negative emotions rule them. Eventually they start seeing the bad side in everything.”

So, laugh at your mistakes and take it a little bit at a time. Don’t worry and don’t rush, because it will still be there tomorrow.

But it’s so hard, right?

No.

It’s so easy.

Take a deep breath, say a prayer, and trust in God. When I do that I feel like myself again. Worry doesn't plague me, and even though it might be short-lived, I know that it will be okay in the long run. And that it’s totally worth it.

How Times Flies...

Don’t you just love days when you have nothing to do?

Oh, you don’t have any of those days?

Yeah, me either.

I love my job. I’ve said that before, right? I love the people I work with, my school, my students…the whole shebang. It’s great.

Here’s what’s killing me. Are you ready?

If you don’t get that reference, we can’t be friends, okay?

But, in all honesty, THERE’S NEVER ANY TIME.

Okay, there’s time to work and eat and sleep…and that’s it. What fun is that?

When do I get to go to the beach or read a book or take a nap?

Those of you who aren’t teachers are totally rolling your eyes at me and shaking your heads. I can hear you muttering the word summer under your breath.

Guess what? I worked then, too.

Actually, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I’m just feeling…

Ugh. Look, if Zack Morris says it’s a feeling, it is.

Here's part of the thing: at our teacher in-service we focused on “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. It’s actually really interesting when you get down to it. But…that’s hard.

How can I put things into quadrants and prioritize when I want to do all the things?

What are my priorities? How do I map out my week when things change everyday?

Basically: what is my life?

Sadly, I find myself asking that a lot. ;)

My problem isn’t that there isn’t enough time; it’s that I want to do too much!

I can’t imagine what it’s like having a family and trying to prioritize things. (Let’s be firm though, people, this is about me. I mean, there’s a cat and a teenager at my house and they’re both pretty self-sufficient…mostly.)

Again, my problem is that I want too much out of life. Is that so wrong? I want to work, worship, read, watch television, ride a bike, talk to a friend, and, oh yeah, SLEEP.

I love my job.

I guess it’s hard to prioritize when everything seems so important: a school function, a family reunion, church events. It’s not like I think I’m that important, but maybe the things I do are? I know my job is, that’s for sure. I want to "give it all I’ve got" and "be all that I can be" and all that jazz in that aspect, but at the end of the day it’s hard to give more.

That’s where frustration pokes its ugly little head in.

Sometimes I just want the world to stop, just for a little while. I want to take an hour to read a book without a million things on my mind, or watch a movie without feeling guilty that I blew something or someone off to do it. Then I feel guilty for thinking that!

It’s lose-lose and Dr. Covey teaches us to think win-win! (Ha!)  What’s win-win when all you’ve got is twenty-four hours? Where’s my little white rabbit telling me I’m late as I watch my calendar months fly off into the wind?

I’m not worried, I guess. Maybe the busyness makes me feel like I’m serving purpose. Like, if I’m just sitting around my butt then I’m not doing anyone any good and if I’m running my butt off, then maybe my pants will fit a little bit better…hehe.

I guess the point is, sometimes you feel like Jessie Spano on caffeine pills. And sometimes, you don’t need the pills.