The Struggle is Real Part II

So, it's 5:45 on a Thursday morning and I can't get this out of my head. A while back (years?) I named a post "The Struggle is Real" in which I talked about trying to lose weight and how it was a struggle and all that.

This is a little bit different.

I mostly write about my teaching experiences and how to find the positive in situations. Sometimes I give out tips or make funny and cute lists. This is not one of those times.

I'm struggling, y'all.

This is my first "teacher post" of the year and, at this point, I'm not sure what I have to offer. I've spoken to a few friends already about it and they have been amazing at lifting my spirits. They've helped me see all of the things that have happened this year and tried to make sense of this feeling that leaves me crying in the shower on a Wednesday night. (Maybe it's PMS, IDK.)

I know I'm not alone in this struggle, either. Ask any teacher in South Florida and they will tell you that the two and a half weeks out of school due to Hurricane Irma really put a damper on our school year. For those two weeks all I did was worry about my kiddos and their families. I was elated (really) to go back to school and see all of their sweet faces. 

Things have been difficult lately, though. Due to some unforeseen circumstances (Thanks, Irma) I got three new students in my class and some things have changed. I feel that, in my eleventh year teaching, I'm somewhat of a veteran. I know I have good management skills because people often come to watch me teach and observe them. (I'm not being arrogant, it's kind of true.) 

Lately though...I'm struggling. I'm struggling with the love I feel for these kids. I want them to succeed and to be happy. I want them to feel safe and loved when they come into our classroom. And I KNOW, because I've said it before, that they are just kids. But kids at my school are different. They are leaders and scholars and I just can't wrap my head around why we aren't being those things we need to be (me included).  

Part of it is me, I know that. I'm working on a mindset shift and reaching out to parents to help. The other part is where I'm lost. Is it them? Parents? (Don't even get me started on that bunny trail.) Sometime I get stuck on "WHERE'S THE PROBLEM AND HOW DO I FIX IT?" because that's just how my brain works. 

Maybe there are a lot of problems that I don't know about and that's where I'm not seeing the big picture. Maybe I'm struggling because I'm not getting to know these kids like I need to. Maybe I just need a weekend away at Disney World to solve all my problems and make me feel a little better. 

Okay, that last part is just wishful thinking. 

Point is, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. I wish I had some insight to share or some motivation to get you going, but I don't. 

All I can say is that if you're struggling too, come talk to me. We'll figure it out together. 

Or we can go for a drink and complain about it. 

Whichever. 

Happy Thursday. 

Back at it Again

As of tomorrow summer is officially over. Can you believe it? June and July seemed to have flown by and tomorrow is the first day of school.

The past couple of weeks have been crazy as we've all been in various trainings and putting the finishing touches on our classrooms. It's also been fun catching up with friends that I've missed over the summer and making new ones. 

I love my job and I'm excited that I get to start my eleventh year teaching with some of my best friends in such an amazing school. This morning I started thinking about what a good back to school post should say and, while I didn't come up with much, I hope you'll find some inspiration in this mess that's about to happen. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. 

As a person who has self-diagnosed themselves with OCD, this is always a tough one for me. I like things a certain way and when you work in a room full of children it doesn't always happen that way. This is actually one of the hardest things for me to work through! It isn't just about what things look like, though. Sometimes you have those moments with students that are small (even if you think they're big) and it gets blown out of proportion. Solving the problem quickly and withing much attention or shifting your focus to something else is helpful.

Stay positive. 

This is going to sound repetitive of other blog posts, but it's so true. Staying positive, at least on the outside, is always a good thing. There will definitely be days that are tough. There are days when you want to call in sick, or walk out, or yell...but staying strong and dealing with things positively helps to build your relationship with your class. 

Find your person (or people). 

I feel lucky to have worked with some of my best friends for the past eleven years. Even if you don't have a "teacher best friend", look for a mentor or a buddy. Teaching isn't a job you can do alone, trust me. 

Get invested.

Teaching is not an easy job. It's not just hanging out with kids all day and going home with nothing on your mind. You have to learn your kids: what do they like, who are their friends, what's home like? There are so many things for you to learn about these little people that have been put into your care. You never know if you're the person who will change a child's life. 

Ask for help.

This goes with finding your person, maybe? People aren't going to know if you're struggling if you don't tell them. Even if you think it's something small. Even if you're embarrassed. Do it. 

Take care of yourself.

You're important too! As the leader in your classroom it's up to you to take care of the kids and yourself. Being of healthy mindset and body helps you to do your very best for you kids. 

Well. Like I said, tomorrow a new year begins. Maybe it's next week or next month for you, but I hope you get something out of this. 

Teaching is good work. 

Go do good. 

Class Dismissed

It's that time of year again! You know, the time when my friends start to get all emotional about saying goodbye to their students and I make fun of them? Yep, that time! There are two days left of school and at this point we're all kind of running around getting signatures, turning things in, and packing up our classrooms. I've had some very helpful students helping me pack (and having sing-a-longs) these past few days and, while my classroom is a complete disaster at the moment, it's been kind of fun.

Earlier this week I was writing in one of my student's "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" book and...I got emotional.

This class has been one of my most challenging, but also one of my favorites. (I say "challenging" instead of "bad" because it's nicer.) I've done a lot of soul searching with this class and these kids and have definitely learned a lot about myself as a teacher.

There are absolutely things I would have changed about my teaching this year. There are also a ton of things that I completely loved this year. I have seen some of my students make amazing growth, both academically and socially. Some went from being below grade level to ending the year above, and some grew so much socially/behaviorally that it actually does hurt to let them go. I have enjoyed watching them grow so very much.

Sometimes I feel that we get so caught up in the academics (I know. It's school.) that we forget about that we are also teaching little humans how to human. I have loved the changes I've seen this year. From students recognizing their own behaviors to having my shy ones completely come of out of their shells. They have changed and, hopefully, so have I.

I do say it every year: this job changes you. And that's not a bad thing. It's not always easy, either. It's hard to look at yourself, an all-knowing adult, and realize that a class full of little people is teaching you a life lesson. Besides patience, of course.

This year I have loved my sing-a-longing, book reading, hero loving kiddos.

Yeah, I might be sad this year.

But, then again, I'll see them all soon.

Happy (last two days of) teaching!

A Week in the Life

This past week was Teacher Appreciation Week, so parents and administration spoiled us with all kind gifts and snacks. Getting up on Monday I had this bright idea that I was going to do some photo documentation of a week in the life a teacher. It's usually about this time of year that I do an end-of-the-year post, so I thought it would be fun to go through it in pictures.

We'll see how well it works.

Monday's are always hard so I tried to make myself look presentable. Sometimes how you look changes your attitude or something. Also, I like when my kids tell me I'm pretty because I'm shallow that way. :)

Sitting in traffic on the bridge and actually put together on a Monday morning. Hooray!

Making my coworkers take pictures of me in my doorway to prove that I looked halfway decent on Monday morning. 

Cookies on Monday morning? Yes, please! 

Yes, I am eating ice cream in my classroom in the dark...alone.

Cup number three? Or four? I've lost count.

                                                           

                                               It isn't always easy to workout at home.

Tuesday! Tuesdays should be easier but they totally aren't. As the week goes on it gets harder to get up and get moving. This is mostly because I love sleep. There aren't a lot of pictures for Tuesday because most of the time I'm, you know, teaching. 

Almost ready? Maybe

Second coffee picture. Coffee is life and you can't tell me any different.

Set up for grading in my home office/guest room. Most of my work gets done at home because sometimes I just can't find the time during the school day to get it done. Also, here I can work in my pajamas. 

The view from the other side of my computer, which is what I'd rather be doing because books are life (like coffee). 

Super proud of myself for trying to get into shape this week. 

Wednesday! There's literally one picture from school on Wednesday and it's this one. The end of the year means testing and testing means we switch schedules with the upper grades. This means that I have a long afternoon with my kiddos. I covertly took this pic as they cleaned up math centers. Teacher's tired, y'all. 

Another run and some new sneaks for me! 

Trying to grade papers but being emotionally compromised by a superhero show at the same time. 

Ugh, Thursday! We're so close to the end but really not, you know? 

I like to match.

Glad to see you're using your time wisely, boys.

FRIDAY! Friday is the best because it's the weekend, but also the worst because there is SO MUCH TO DO STILL. 

Friday also means the end of Teacher Appreciation Week and that means presents! 

It was Cinco de Mayo so we made sangria and called it fruit punch. (We're learning how to measure liquids, okay?)

Still awake/alive at lunchtime on Friday. Go me!

I'm in love with all of this superhero stuff. It's like the theme was made for me. 

Tacos with my people! We didn't choose tacos because of Cinco de Mayo, but because we had buy one get one free coupons. 

We also took to the theaters for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Chris Pratt. 

So, I didn't get quite as many pictures of myself as I'd like. (Sad, I know.) It was a fun experiment, though. I got pretty busy toward the middle of the week with the whole teaching thing. And the grading. And the wrangling of small children. 

That's what a week of my life kind of looks like, I guess. It isn't glamorous, but it isn't bad. The best part is that I get to spend my days doing what I love with people that I enjoy. There's a little less than a month left of school and we're all getting pretty restless. I feel it and I know they feel it. So, like I say at the end of every year: make the most of this time with your students. You never know what kind of impact you'll have on their lives. I know I'm changed every year. 

Here's Baby Groot waving goodbye because I literally just want to keep staring at him forever. 

HE'S SO CUTE.

Where Your Light Shines Through

I've been working on this post for a few months now but could never seem to get the words right. "Working on it" pretty much means that I wrote a title, a sentence, and then forgot all about it. It's been a while since I've thrown any words out in the world so I figured it was time.

We've all got baggage, yeah? We've all got things that bring us down, keep us down, and hurt us.  Life is hard. That's nothing we didn't already know. There will always be something that gets in the way of our happiness, but what you do with the hurt and the pain...that's where the light is.

UPDATE: I have once again stepped away from this post and now I'm back again. We'll see if I finish this time.

Okay. I wanted to write this for a few reasons. I try my best to stay positive in tough life situations and I like to share my experiences to help others.

UPDATE #2: I tried to work on this a couple of days ago and it didn't work. I will persist!

I feel like this is the time of year when things get crazy for everyone. It's almost spring break for me and I literally feel like I'm running around trying to put out little fires all day long. Sometimes I feel like I'm on fire.*

Fire is not what I mean by "light", however. By "light" I mean showing your goodness and positivity. It's so easy to complain and bitch about stuff. So. Easy. Shining your light is the hard part. So often we get lost in our thoughts and lives that we forget as teachers, as friends, as family members, as humans that there is always an opportunity to show kindness and love to others. We don't know if what we're going through will help others and we get so focused on ourselves that we fail to see that someone else might be experiencing the same thing. 

I don't mean that you should go out and shout your problems to the world at all. Most of the time we try to hide those things anyway. I think what I mean is how you react to a situation let's others see different parts of you. What they see, and what you show, might be the thing that they need. 

I know that I am not the perfect example of this, but I also know that I'm trying. There have been so many changes (good and bad) in my life in the past year that my emotions are constantly going a million different ways. I struggle every day with so many feelings! I do try (and fail miserably sometimes) to be that light that others need. I know I'm not that good at it sometimes, but I think that putting in the effort is part of it, too. 

Being someone who others can talk to or helping without being asked is a great way to shine a little bit of light on someone's day. Sometimes if we're having a rough day in class one of my kiddos will just come up and hug me like they know it's just what I need. A lot of the times it is. Also, a lot of the times I need them to stay in their seats. ;) 

Even when it's tough to smile or laugh or help, you never know when you might be the light that someone needs. 

Keep shining. 

*"This girl is on fiiiiiire." 

Sometimes I sing this to my class when I'm mad.