Thank You!

So, thanks to TimeHop I was able to find out that my blog is two years old! That's two years of me whining and complaining, and two years of you reading it!

But really, so much has happened in the past two years that I just wanted to stop and say thank you. Whether you are a friend, colleague, family member, or perfect stranger. Thanks for stopping by to read about my journeys into teaching, running, and weird random things. I appreciate all of you.

You're awesome.

This Job Sucks (But Not Really)

Friday was the last day of school and, as I walked down the halls during dismissal, I noticed something. The last day tears of teachers is what I saw. Now, I'll be the first to admit that in front of people I'm not overly emotional. When I'm alone? Psh. I cry like a baby. It could be about a book or a Publix commercial or I can think about "that one time something sad happened" and I'm a waterfall. But, in front of people? I don't cry.

Also, crying makes me uncomfortable so if I made fun of you on Friday please know that I'm sorry and it's just because crying makes me feel weird.

Here's the thing, though: I didn't cry because I am genuinely happy that this year is over. I've hardly posted anything this year because I really try to find the positive in all situations and share that knowledge and finding it this year was very, very difficult.

Now, don't get me wrong, okay? I had plenty of good moments with my class. I loved each and every one of them differently and I am so glad I got to spend 180 day with them, but it was hard. I said in this post last year that it was my best year, and I'm going to have to stick with that. If last year was my best, then this year was the most challenging.

The year started out difficult considering I started a new behavior plan in my class. I did away with the color chart and relied solely on a training I'd taken over the summer and my school's leadership plan. I knew it was going to be hard, but I managed it and in the long run we made it work. I don't feel like a color chart would have been helpful for some of my students (who would have been on red every single day, for real) and I think that students taken responsibility for their actions is much more effective.

It's that thinking that kept me going this year.

What's fair for one student isn't fair for all.

What works for one won't work with another.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

This year was a year of learning for me. I always joke that the thing that teaching has taught me is patience, but it's easy to point out all of the times I lost my patience with my students. Instead of losing it I focused on trying to be calm and using a soft voice instead of yelling. Honestly, the soft voice kind of freaked them out so it was a win. I also really tried to have fun with them because I think we all always forget that they're just kids, and sometimes they can't help what they do.

I definitely felt like I grew as a teacher this year. Like I said, it was the most challenging year I've had. I've never had students as difficult as I did this year, but I've also never felt closer to my team and my colleagues, either. I am thankful for the people I work with who let me vent, gave advice, or just agreed when they knew it was what I needed.

So, I guess am a little bit sad about the end of the year. I know there's always going to be students who leave a mark on your heart, good or bad. There's going to be your mini-mes and the ones that get your jokes better than most adults do. The ones that you could hug all day whose parents don't believe how good they are at school. And the ones that make you work for it: the ones that keep you on your toes, keep you up at night, and break your heart every single day.

Being a teacher is a privilege...but so is summer vacation. Enjoy.

For What It's Worth

A few years ago when I was teaching first grade I had this special kid. He came to me without knowing any English, way behind academically, and with a serious medical condition. My first thought was pretty much a "Why me?" kind of thing. I think that we as teachers feel like that when we're given something, or rather someone, challenging. So that was me for a few weeks with this guy. Seriously, why me?

Well, here's why. This kid was funny. He may not have been fluent in English and he may not have been very big, but his personality was huge. We would spend our recess time practicing words and playing around. He was so goofy and sweet that eventually the class opened up and began to see that to. Sometimes I even had to get on to him for talking! I got watch him go on to second grade and then I had the pleasure of teaching his younger sister, who was just as sweet as him. Eventually they moved and switched schools, but I never forgot either one of them. I still have drawings and notes form both of them that I can handle parting with.

Today I learned that this cute little boy passed away. My school has seen tragedy before, but I've never personally felt the weight of it. The death of a child is a hard thing to grasp. I can't imagine what it feels like as a parent, but I know that my chest is aching now. I feel like I put so much effort into this boy, but what he gave me was so much bigger.

Teaching seems like a simple profession to some. To others, though, it's the end-all be-all. There are plenty of quotes about how teachers change the world, how we make such a big impact on kids, how we're shaping the future.

Yeah, that's all true...but sometimes we forgot that those kids change us. I know that I'm changed every single year. I've said that in a post before about how they make me better, and sometimes they make me worse. But, better or worse, at the end of each year I am changed.

The kids are the ones making the impacts, we are just the facilitators. We get to watch them and, if we're lucky, we get to see them change the world.

I'm sad that Sebastian won't get to change the world, but I do know that he changed mine.

There are fifteen days left of school and, while they are going to be the most challenging all year, I hope that you make the best of them.

This is a picture he drew for me at the end of our year together. It is him with all of his family and when I pointed to the person in pencil on the right he said, "Oh, that's you". After a moment he picked up his highlighter and drew another person, then told me it was my mom. The fact that he drew me in a picture with his family always stuck with me. I am glad I knew him.

Why Does This Kid Hate Me? (And Other Burning Questions)

Total disclaimer here: I've never actually had a kid say they hate me. I have, however, been on the end of several angry glares. I mean a lot of them. I'm tough, okay? Some days I feel like the meanest teacher in the whole wide world; but I know that, for the most part, my strategies are effective.

I think it's important to be fair to all students, but also to remember that what is fair for one isn't necessarily fair for another.

So, yesterday one of my kids got mad at me and said: "My teacher ruins everything!"

You've figured me out, kid. MY WHOLE PLAN IS RUINED.

Honestly, I don't care that he said it. I thought it was a little funny, but I do wish that he'd waited until he was more than two feet away from me to complain about how horrible I am. I don't even wonder what I did to make him say that, but it does raise the question of: How is this my fault? 

I've spent the better part of the year working on classroom management, behavior charts, marble jars, and heaven only knows what else to make everything fair for everyone. So, yeah, he was mad. I knew it was going to be a tough conversation. It definitely wasn't the first one and I know without a doubt that it won't be the last one. That's okay, though. I can "ruin everything", but that doesn't mean I don't care.

One thing I try to focus on in my classroom is student accountability. I want my kids to be responsible for their own behavior as well as their learning. Yeah, I'm up there talking, but you need to listen. (Really.) Which brings me to another question: WHY CAN'T YOU STOP TALKING?

Oh. Em. Gee. We've been back from spring break for almost two weeks and it hasn't stopped yet. Sometimes I just want to do a mic drop and walk out of my class. Of course, I'd be sad if they didn't notice I was gone so I won't leave. You're kids, I get it. But like...just...shhh, okay?

  

Does that kid really hate me? That's a given: no, that kid doesn't hate me and I know it. I know that something is going on and that something is different. I know I'm going to keep building the relationship I've worked on all year and hope that I get through to them. Trust me, I've seen it happen. Even today I had an experience with another student I've been working with. It isn't easy, but it's worth it.

I don't have a lot of inspiration to give right now, I just know that I can't give up yet. Today was a tough one, I won't lie. I've been having a lot of tough conversations with students and I'm just kind of over it. I want everyone to get along and that doesn't always happen. Sometimes some kids surprise you, though. That's always nice. I try to focus on the positive, especially with just a few weeks left in the year. Sometimes those things are too few and far between, but sometimes they aren't. Maybe it's a hug, or a smile, or a half of a construction paper heart. Whatever your piece of positive is, embrace it.  

That's all I've got. Also: it's almost Friday. 

The Good Fight

So, I haven't been around for awhile. Mostly that's because I gave up social media for Lent, but also because I've had nothing good to write about. I mean, there are things to write about, but they're actually all horrible and depressing.

Yeah, they're all about work.

This post is also about work...kind of.

Yesterday I had to run an errand for my mom before I went over to see her, which is no big deal. She lives in a small town and I live in a slightly bigger one that has more than just a Walmart, so she needed me to pick something up.The cute little store that I went to just happened to be owned by my former second grade teacher.

I walked in feeling nervous and looking like crap (it was haircut day) and saw her immediately. Now, some of you might think this is weird, but then you obviously don't know how deep my love of learning goes.

There are so many things I loved about my elementary school teachers. Mrs. Johnston, my kindergarten teacher used to play Phil Collins during naptime. Mrs. Beckham had the sweetest voice and was never mad at me, even when I worked ahead on my paper because I thought I knew what I was doing. (I didn't.) Mrs. Reddish, my second grade teacher, always encouraged me to be my weird, little, seven-year-old self. Mrs. Holler didn't really holler. Seriously, I could go on forever. Even up to high school when Mrs. Garcia let me hide in her podium (sorry!) and Mr. Gibson helped foster my love for reading and writing.

The conversation I had with Mrs. Reddish (I will never be able to call a teacher by their first name) was very brief, but I left that store feeling a little emotional. How can you not love the teacher who let you be yourself and read you Charlotte's Web for the first time? I loved second grade so much!

And now here I am twenty-five (OMG) years later and I am in her position. This is terrifying. I sent a couple of text messages after I left the store to two of my BFFs that read like this:

I love my job. You will probably get tired of me saying that, but I will always say it. I love my job, I love my school, I love my kids. 

This job is hard. This job does not get easier. You just get better at handling it. This week I've heard my colleagues moaning and groaning over a lot of things and, trust me, I've been doing it too. We have four days left until spring break. We start testing our younger grades next week. It's so much pressure and stress that we all feel like we're about to lose it. 

I've been dealing with some behavior issues in my class that have left me feeling incredibly worn and even a little bit lost. I'm lucky enough to work in place where I can vent with my team and go to my administration for advice without judgement. 

It's after I've done those things that I realize it isn't about ME. Yeah, I want my kids to love me like I loved Mrs. Reddish, but I have to show them that I love them if that's what I want. I know there are things they are going to remember about me, but what I really, really want them to remember is that I made them feel safe and I made them feel loved. 

Things they will actually remember: 

Miss Veale loves...

coffee.

Captain America.

pizza.

Harry Potter.

running.

If they remember those things then hopefully it will trigger some memory in them of some distant conversation they had with me. I hope they remembered that I smiled at them or hugged them or we argued whether or not Captain America could beat the Hulk. (We have some weird conversations in my class, okay?)

My elementary teachers and those select few from my older years will always be remembered because they made me feel those things: I could be me, I could learn, I was loved. 

To me, that's what teaching is all about. Sometimes I fail, but sometimes I get it right. 

Every Friday I give out a Star Student poster to a kid who has had great behavior. I alternate between boys and girls, so this week I had to pick a girl and there were three left on my list that haven't had it yet. Of course, the two that probably deserved it were absent and the third choice is the kid who I've been battling with for the past two months. 

Anyway, I give her the folder. She lights up. 

She says, "How come you're giving this to me?"

I tell her, "I don't know, it's just because I love you." 

She seemed satisfied with that answer as we left to go to dismissal, but when we got back to the room she hugged me, looked up at me and said "Why do you love me?" 

Why do I love you?

Because I do.

Do I always like you?

Oh, hell no. 

Do I want you to succeed? 

More than you know. 

Will I continue to expect only the best from you?

You bet. 

Is it going to be easy?

Nope.

Can we do it?

We have to try. 

Happy Sunday. 

LOL

Here are some thoughts that when through my head today:

Ugh, Monday. 

OMG, TRAFFIC.

This smoothie is gross. 

I need more coffee.

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH COFFEE OR MIDOL IN THIS WORLD. 

Seriously?

Are you kidding?

Are you even listening? 

Why do I even talk? 

What am I doing here?
 
I need a nap. 

I need a drink. 

I need more coffee. 

It's National Pizza Day?! 

Ah, Monday, what a beautiful creature. I think everyone basically loathes Monday because it's the end of the weekend and time to get back to work. From a teacher's point of view it's like the beginning of the school year all over again. Honestly, I feel like every Monday I should reteach classroom rules and procedures because they've forgotten everything in the TWO DAYS they were gone.

Ah, kids.

Today wasn't exactly horrible, but it wasn't the best day either. I had a few new issues and some ongoing ones that I'm trying reeeeeeeaaaaaaally hard to overcome. I get it, though. I know (TRUST ME, I KNOW) that's it hard to come back to school after a weekend. I know it's hard to get back into a routine. I understand that there are SO MANY THINGS that are exciting going on and we can hardly control ourselves, but we've still got a job to do.

We have a responsibility to ourselves and others. We work hard. We are kind. We are respectful.

This is pretty much the pep-talk I give to myself and my class on a daily basis. Today I had to give it, oh, about four times.

That's okay, though. It really is. They're just kids and they don't always get the concept of being kind and respectful. I mean, if we're being honest, neither do adults, amirite?

Today I had a long (okay TWO) conversation about how to treat people, how to use nice voices and kind words and all that fun stuff. I even noted that I was NOT using my nice voice, that I was using my angry voice because, obviously, I was angry.

So, I guess we all had some weak moments today. But, like I said: it's okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow we will ride again. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

On the way home I heard a song the Christian radio station I listen to called "Laugh Out Loud" and I just kind of thought..."Yeah, okay."

Some days you just have to laugh. You have to shrug it off and move on. Not everyday is perfect, whether you are teaching, working in an office, or staying at home.

Life happens. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

You just have to get over it.

So, I'm going to get over it. I'm also hoping I don't get any angry parent emails and I'm going to eat my homemade pizza.

Here's hoping for a brighter Tuesday. :) 

Run Your Heart Out

Did I ever tell you about running cross country in high school? You probably think because I write/post so much about running that I was really good at (you know, like I am now, LOLFOREVER), but I wasn't. I thought it would be pretty easy, only I was young and dumb and out of shape. I finished every race, though. Last.

So, whatever. Here were are (OMG) fifteen years later and running is like...a thing. And, more importantly, it's my thing. It isn't that I'm very good at it, but I can do it, and I like it! I mean, I can't tell you that I loooooooove it because no one actually loves running. It's a great stress reliever and basically allows you to eat a lot. Rungry is a thing, okay?

Okay, the point to this is that I crossed something off my list this weekend. Something I actually didn't even give a second thought to until this time last year. Now, I don't have a bucket list or anything. I feel that if something is cool and I want to do it, then one day I'll try.

Apparently I thought running a half marathon was cool.

So I did it.

And it was amazing.

We (my running buddy, Michelle) started training in September. LOL, two teachers starting training for a half marathon when school starts. Yeah, we were laughing too, only not really. Training was hard to keep up with, especially with school and my busy social calendar. That's a joke, by the way. In October we did a ten-miler that got us pretty pumped for thirteen. It didn't hurt that everyone we know who is a distance runner told us "Oh, just another three! That's no big deal!". You're all a bunch of liars, okay?

Eventually all of our almost training paid off, however. Saturday we got up dark and early and headed to Walt Disney World to get our run on with a few thousand of our closest friends. Yeah, some people think you're insane because you love running. Or because you pay to run. Or because you wear your Captain America socks with the wings on them while running.

Whatever, Ma. Everyone else liked them. :) 

So being at Disney at 4AM is not quite as fun as it sounds. Especially when it's forty-five degrees out and you're born and raised Floridian with thin blood. Here's the thing...it was totally worth it. I had been stressing for weeks about whether or not I was going to make this race. I was worried I hadn't trained enough. I was worried I wasn't going to make it. I was worried I was going to get hurt. 

It was awesome. 

There was so much excitement surrounding us that it left absolutely no time to be nervous. Also, there were so many people around us that it didn't matter if it was your first or your hundredth race, because everyone was about having fun. The best part was that I made it and I made it with one of my best friends. We both know that it would have been difficult had we not taken this journey together (she's texting me motivational pictures trying to talk me into a FULL marathon as I type this), and it probably wouldn't have been as much fun. 

also got to meet Mer and Brooke from ScootADoot AND IT WAS AWESOME. I once said that it was my dream to run with Mer and then it happened. Sigh. They're both so pretty. 

I look so stupid because I'M SO EXCITED

But really, I can't really describe the feeling that I got when I crossed the finish line. It was mostly relief because I'd been up since 2AM and was hungry and cold and sweaty. Yeah, that's a thing that can happen. But also...I don't think I've felt that proud of myself about something in a long time. When you're an adult it's hard to come by those things, you know? Aside from like, getting married and having kids or something. (LOL.)

During this whole process I've been consistently amazed about what a body can do. Actually, what my thirty-one-year-old body could do that my sixteen-year-old body didn't really feel like doing. It's amazing what can happen when you put your mind to it. And what you can do when you're motivated by the right people and have good friends to get you through stuff. You can do really cool things when you try. 

Now you do something awesome. Do it for you. Or go out and do something awesome for other people. 

I'm going to leave you with some pictures and go lather on the BioFreeze. 

Well, now it's real.

The castle! And Elsa! And Anna! And Kristoff! 

Magic Kingdom selfie!

Medals! We made it!

Beermosa. Congrats to me! 

Worth it. 

Go do something.