Teaching: What, like it's hard?

Teachers, do you ever get that? You might go out with friends, or talk to strangers, or come home to your loving family tired from a day of wrangling little ones, herding kittens...whatever you want to call it and something is just:

"Teaching?" 

Doesn't that make you just want to set something on fire? No? Maybe I have some unresolved anger issues. So, yes. Teaching is hard, but it's also the best. 

School has been in session for a couple of months and things are going pretty well. My class is good, though we definitely have some daily (hourly, minutely) challenges. We are learning to work together and how to be a team and I think that it's going pretty well. I was pretty excited about my superhero themed room and I feel thankful that my class responded well to it. It seems kind of silly, but I want them to be comfortable and happy so I tried to make it fun. 

I worked super hard over the summer setting everything up and it makes me happy to see my kiddos responding well to it. It also lets me know what they like and are into and how I can get to know them. 

Getting to know your kids is probably one of the most, if not the most important things about teaching. I honestly feel like by having those conversations and learning who your students are you build trust and a relationship that will last throughout the year, if not longer. I know that I am personally still connected to many of my teachers for those reasons. They took the time to build relationships with me, and I get to see it with some of my former students too. What we as teachers do now can last a lifetime...in a good or bad way. 

These first few months are critical when building trust. I'm lucky enough to work at a school who builds things like that into our daily routing. I learn about my kids just by sitting around and listening to them share things with each other at our morning meeting, whether it's their favorite superhero or their least favorite food. It can be something silly or we talk about the future and what goals we want to set for ourselves. 

So, yeah, maybe that does sound kind of easy, only it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. There are definitely going to be challenges. Sometimes you get new students who throw off your dynamic and you have to work as a team to build a new kind of dynamic. You don't always know your students' struggles at home or even in their own heads. There are so many things you have to cognizant and careful of that it is hard. 

But, like I said (and always say), it's the best work. So far this year I have seen many of my students overcome anxiety and fear just by simply raising a hand in class to offer an answer or to read aloud, which is a huge feat in my book. 

We do good work when we do it well, if that makes sense. There are so many things wrong with education these days (according to everyone who isn't a teacher) so we need to be what's right with education. Because, yeah, it is hard...but we make it look easy, right? 

I hope you're all having a great year and continue to be the best version of yourself. 

Happy teaching. 

Ready or Not...

...tomorrow is the first day of school and I AM FREAKING OUT, MAN.

Okay, so I'm not exactly freaking out like there's a troll in the dungeon but it's still a nerve-wracking time, you know? Technically I've been "back to work" since July 27th, which is kind of sad because summer was so short and that's, well, sad. (There's a big long explanation about that, but it's boring, so let's move on.)

I was actually pretty excited about going back to work; I won't lie. I had a great summer: mission trip with my church to Kentucky, two week long road trip with my family, and lots of books. But...something is always missing when I'm not at work.

Mainly: my purpose.

A lot of you are probably rolling your eyes and muttering about dramatics and stuff, but it's true! When I don't work I am useless. I eat, drink coffee, and read books. Do I change lives? No. I hardly even change out of my pajamas.

We (teachers) have spent the majority of our time back sitting in trainings, learning about new strategies, and calmly and silently freaking out about everything under the sun.

I left school at 6PM and the anxiety has slowly been building ever since. I know I'm a good teacher. I know it will be okay. I know I've already forgotten at least ten things that I need to do tomorrow.

I also know (sorry, that's a lot of "I"s) that I have one of the greatest jobs in the world.

There are tiny humans being tucked into their beds right now in preparation for tomorrow. There are parents getting ready to send their kiddos to school for us to watch over. Me and you! Isn't that amazing? Our speaker, Nick Vujicic, at the annual CSUSA Summit said people in America overuse the word "amazing". It is, however, amazing that we get the privilege to do what we do every single day.

I love my job and you will not hear me say anything different than that, even on my worst day. Tomorrow starts my TENTH year teaching and my tenth year at my school. It's a place I love to be. I love my people, my kids, my purpose.

Tomorrow, I hope you go into school full of love. I hope you go in full of hope. We are in charge of the future. We are here, on this earth and in these classrooms, to show these kids that they are better than the situations they are born into. They are better than the hand they've been dealt. They can be anything they want to be because we believe in them. Because we love them.

I hope you have an AMAZING (there's that word again) year.

XOXO

Like Herding Cats

I am so, so tired.

A couple of weeks ago those memes starting popping up...you know the ones?

I'm going to have to admit to LOLing loudly at that last one because I felt like that, oh, 37 times this week and it's only Wednesday. (It's Wednesday, right?) 

Okay, so, the end of the year is hard. Last year around this time I wrote this post about how I wasn't sad that the year was over because seriously last year was the worst year ever and I needed a break real bad, y'all. (Ironically I see all of those students from last year and I love them still. Okay, most of them.) 

Honestly, my kids checked out a week or so ago. Me? Not so much. I've still got a to-do list and on top of that list is keeping 23 7-8-year-olds entertained and, you know, alive. *Insert laughing/crying emoji here.* Sometimes I feel like I should be singing and dancing, sometimes my teacher voice is just a little too loud, and sometimes I just want to sit behind my desk and organize my paperclips. 

So, the end of the year is here and I see a lot of us doing and saying the same things. We have the same conversations and complain about what we need to get done. Our kids are having trouble and so are we. It takes a lot of patience that I feel only teachers have. Sometimes I lose that patience and it's a daily struggle, if we're being honest. There really isn't a tired like a teacher at the end of the year tired, but we make it work. 

I was texting my one of my BFFs the other day and we were talking about the end of the year. Her kid is in my class and we were joking about something he wanted to do. In my end of year post last year she was one of the ones I may have made fun of for crying (love you, buddy), but her comment to me was that this year is going to be "tear-worthy". 

I'm going to have to agree. 

Even when I'm angry or upset they still manage to make me smile. They hug me, make jokes, and tell me they love me every day. I don't have kids of my own, but I do know what the unconditional love of a child feels like and it's a beautiful thing. 

These kids are the coolest I've ever had. They get me They make me smile with the simplest things. Sometimes when I don't think they're listening they surprise me with some amazingly profound answer and my heart kind of grows. I have had so much fun nerding out about superheroes and books and movies with them. This class has helped me through the darkest time in my life and even though it's something they might not be aware of or remember, I will always remember their sweet hugs and kind words when I was broken. 

Yeah, I love these kids. I might cry a little. (I might be crying a little bit now.) 

It's still tough to get them to do stuff, though. 

Make the most of your seven days, friends. Remember that you are shaping tiny humans and you're going to send them off into the world. Help them to be kind and smart and love each other. 

Herd your cats well. 

Oh, and have a nice summer. 

Take a Day

I don't like not going to work. Like, some people enjoy a day off. They relax, read, shop...whatever. I don't. I worry.

Why?

Because I love my job. I love my kids. I feel guilty when I leave them.

Except for yesterday, that is.

I guess it comes to a point where you literally have to take a day off. You have to get your mindset right because everything feels wrong and everything is off and OH MY GOSH, WILL YOU JUST STOP TALKING is constantly happening in your head.

Yeah, that was me on Thursday. I worried for the majority of the day about whether or not I would have everything ready. Would my sub know what to do if I just wrote this, would the kids remember to do xyz...stuff like that.

Then it was time to go home and I just decided that it would be okay.

It's okay to take a day off because we teachers, me included, are humans.

Can you believe it?

I know some of you reading this won't think it really matters if I take a day off from work or not. You might not get the stress that we teachers deal with on a daily basis. Maybe you think that we just hang out and have fun all day and, sure, sometimes that's the case. Often times, it isn't though.

Teaching, in itself is not hard. It isn't difficult to plan, talk, and grade. It's not hard to pass out papers, put on band-aids, or reprimand.

What's hard is trying to do right by the kids that people have entrusted with you. It's hard to get to know them and to understand why they do certain things. Knowing how to teach them is hard. Understanding their actions is harder.

Forgiving them? Loving them? Man, that's easy.

I don't have kids of my own. I have twenty-three other people's children in my care. I see my friends and I hear them talk about their kids and their struggles and I think "Wow, that's hard". But, truth is, teachers have those struggles too. We struggle with when to discipline and when to let is slide. When to coddle and when to let them be independent.

It's a hard job, but it can be so rewarding.

So, I took a day. I could feel the stress of the past couple weeks of testing, mixed up schedules, license renewing, and just life settling on my shoulders.

It was a nice day. A greatly needed day. I've come to realize more and more this year that I need to do that. I need to take care of myself if I want to be the best teacher I can be. If I'm constantly focused on them, on the job, on anything else...then I'm not focused on me. That sounds selfish, but at the same time I know I'm not my best person when I'm stressed out over things or frustrated about, oh, everything. Thankfully, I have the best team ever who take care of my kiddos when I'm gone and tell me not to worry even though they know I will. (Love you guys. :P)

But, all that stress aside, I got to spend some time with one of my favorite people Thursday and then Friday my sister and I went to Disney World.

Honestly, who did you think I meant? GO SEE THIS MOVIE.
This also accurately describes life. 

It was nice and stress free. Well, if you don't count the stress I have over superhero movies, traffic, and the multitudes of people at Disney.

I could be overheard saying, more than once, "At least I'm not at work" and my sister would just shake her head. 

I missed my kids, but I'm glad I took a day. Hopefully I'll get back on Monday feeling refreshed and we'll be ready to take on the week together.  (Also, I have, like, 80 PTO hours, sooo...)

Also also, I woke up this morning with a lovely cold so I'm glad I had a day of fun before I started feeling like death. 

Find Your People

Most of my posts start with an idea and then end up being a few months in the making. Maybe I've developed ADD in my old age, or maybe I'm just really forgetful. Honestly, I feel like this post has been my entire life in the making. That's probably a little dramatic. Let me start over.

Life is hard. 

Last year I wrote this post about not doing life alone. It's important to have people in your life to keep you accountable, to keep you in check, and to motivate you. I feel like I'm at a good place in my life right now. Things have definitely been different and tough these past couple months and my family and I are learning how to deal with a lot of things.  I've had my people, though, and they help a lot.

So, maybe this is a thank you. Or maybe it's just a random rambling of thoughts. I don't really know. 

All I know it that it's good to have people who let you be yourself and encourage you to be the best you there is.

It's been a kind of weird road for me to get to a point where I'm comfortable being myself around people. I'm weird and I know it. I've always been this way. I love to make people laugh and I say a lot of stupid things. Most people just roll with it and that's what I love. Emotions (mostly crying) sometimes make me uncomfortable but I think my friends know that if they come to I'll listen and try to make them feel better by saying weird things.

I am Chandler. Chandler is me. 

The fact that people still want to be friends with me after I say stupid shit to them says a lot about them, really. But that's what makes it so good. There are those who let me ramble on but who, in turn, listen and give advice when I need it. Even when it's hard to ask for advice or to admit when I'm wrong about something. (Hey, it happens.)

I am un-ironically #blessed with quite possibly the best friends a person could ever ask for. They are new and old, young and old, near and far. They are my people and I am eternally grateful. 

I've got people who listen when I want to talk about anything and everything. People who send me pictures of cats, videos of cats, shirts with cats on them, pictures of their own cats...well, you get the idea. (Random pics of Chris Evans also work, just FYI.) 

I love that these people get me. That I can talk about books, comics, movies, cats, coffee, Captain America, teaching...anything. 

In turn, I hope they know they can come to me too. 

Like I said, I feel like it's important to not go through life alone. You've got to find your people. Find the ones who love you unconditionally, no matter how weird or crazy you are. Find them, and hold on to them. (But, like, in a safe way. Don't hold them hostage. That's bad.) 

Kids Are Weird

First official day of spring break, wooo! I celebrated by sleeping until 8AM, rewatching a few episodes of Daredevil season one, reading a book, and taking a trip to the mall. I can assume that this is probably how the rest of spring break is going to be and I'm okay with that.

In the meantime, however, I'm sure I'll miss my kiddos. After all, they keep life very interesting. 

A week or so ago I was in the hallway with a fellow teacher taking our daily scheduled bathroom break when a teacher of another grade walked by. As she did, one of my students left the room to go to the bathroom but, before he left, he walked up close to me and whispered: 

"I wish you had shoelaces so I could tie them." 

I had to explain to the other teacher that this was pretty normal behavior. Stuff like this happens all the time. I mean, I was wearing a cute pair of Sperry slip-ons that didn't have shoelaces. 

Yeah, my kids are weird. 

That got me thinking about the other things my kids say and do, so I reached out to my teacher friends and asked them to share some things that they've seen or heard. We always joke that we're going to write a book, so I figured a blog post would do. I even told some of my students they other day that I was going to write a book about them and that they would be famous. They were excited (weirdos). 

I got quite a few responses, so I'm just going to list them below. If you didn't get a chance to respond, please leave something in the comments! 

"I miss you when I'm sleeping." 

"I love PE so much it makes me feel weird." 

"You have something in your ear." *kid sticks her finger in my ear*

"How did they have babies long ago?" 

"I think I'm getting my period." -said by a six-year-old

"If you fall into a black hole, can you get out?" 

While learning about space: "Have you ever been to space?" 

"Miss, where do cold sores come from?" -out of the blue while walking down the hall

Teacher: "Who is on the nickel?" 

Kid: "Pitbull." 

"I'm going to draw you a picture of Captain America. Do you want him with or without his uniform?" *my mind is in the gutter*

Teacher: "Today is National Read Aloud Day." 

Kid: "Yesterday was National Wine Day." 

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? You should put your name on one of those websites. You can tell them how much you like cats." 

And finally...

"Broken pencils can lead to the end of humanity. Too many broken pencils would make us cut down all the trees to make more pencils. If we cut down all the trees, we would have no more oxygen, leading to the end of humanity." 

Thanks to my friends who helped out with your stories! I know there are more and I can't wait to hear them all. Like I said, they keep me on my toes and make me smile (when I'm not crying internally). 

Happy spring break, friends! 

A Grateful Heart

As most of you know a lot has happened in the past few weeks concerning my family. It's been just over three weeks since my stepfather unexpectedly passed away. I am not always so eloquent when I speak, so I thought I'd try to put some of my feelings into words and throw them into the vastness of the internet, if you'll let me.

These three weeks have been hard. This is not something that I thought would ever happen to me, my sister, or our family. Honestly, I don't think anyone expects someone they love to die, but it happens.

I was five years old when Tim first came into my life. For most of my years I would argue that I was actually six, just to make him mad and because I wanted to be right. For those of you who don't know, I have a dad whom I love a lot. We have a great relationship, but Tim was a huge part of my life growing up. He helped my mother support me financial, put me through private school, and eventually helped me when I went to college.

Some people think that's what matters, but it doesn't. Tim loved me from day one and, honestly, the feeling was mutual. As a child I never longed for love or affection. I come from a big, crazy, loving family and he only added to that. I was never his stepdaughter and always his daughter. Even after he and my mom split up. Even after our relationship was strained.

At his funeral the people who spoke talked about his contagious smile, giving nature, and big heart. How he could talk to anyone and make really, really stupid jokes all the time.

Okay, maybe not that last one, but they weren't his teenage daughter, were they?

Tim was charismatic and people loved him.

Especially me.

Our relationship was on the mend within the past few years, and I am grateful for that. I'm grateful for the few times we got to see each other or for the phone calls we exchanged. I'll never forget the last conversation I had with him or the fact that the last thing I told him was "I love you".

Life is short and fragile. It sucks and it's beautiful. If I've learned anything from this it's to not take anything for granted. My sister and I keep having these types of conversations that usually end with something like "he wouldn't want that". It's a cliched phrase to use, but we know how he would have wanted us to live our lives. He would want us to be happy. To love. To be kind. To be grateful.

I am grateful.

I'm grateful for the time that I got to spend with Tim. I'm grateful for my OCD cleaning tendencies that could have only been inherited from him (as my mother tells me). I'm grateful for the arguments we used to have deciding who loved the other more (there's a trick, I'll teach you). I am so, so grateful for all of the people in my life because of Tim. (Like, number one is my sister...but don't tell her that.)

Some days I wake up and I don't remember that he's gone. I know that there will always be days like that. This isn't something that we can get used to, but it isn't something that's going to go away. It's hard to realize that life goes on around you. The earth still spins even though you feel like it's stopped.

I am grateful for the people in my life who help me keep spinning. For my mom and sister and our amazingly supportive families. My friends, coworkers, and even my kiddies at school.

I'm grateful for a church family who supports me, prays for me, and with me...who loves me and reminds me that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, also. We have been leaning heavily on our faith more than ever, thankful that we have such a firm foundation and such strong beliefs.

There is so much life to love and embrace and, as cheesy as it sounds, I hope you don't waste it. I hope I don't waste it either.

Thanks for reading.

Love you most. ;) 

XOXO

This Job Doesn't Always Suck (I Promise)

Oh, hey. It's been a while since I've sat down and put some words out here, so I thought I'd get on that. I mentioned a while back in This Job Sucks (But Not Really) that I didn't post a lot of things last year because a lot of the time I couldn't find the positive things to focus on. That's not the case this year and that's a good thing. I guess I just keep getting wrapped up in other things that I forget that I might have things to say.

This year has been going well and I know it's a huge mixture of things. I feel pretty confident about my classroom management and I really have a good group of kids. One thing that I'm really trying to focus on is not rewarding every little thing. I know, I can sense some of your teacher minds telling me I'm crazy, but I've found that it actually kind of works. I've mentioned before a fairly extensive classroom management training that I've done called Responsive Classroom and it's something that I truly believe in and (try to) use daily. I know that it's a learning process and I have to find what works for my class, but so far my students are doing pretty well. (I also did this last year and really enjoy it.)

The point of not giving rewards is that students should know the right way to behave. If we reward them every time they do something right, then they're going to grow up to be adults who demand recognition for every little thing. And we, as adults, know that that is just not how life works, am I right? So, I don't do a lot of individual behavior charts and things in my class, but I do special things like choosing a Mystery Leader and Mystery Line Walker. We do table points and are working on a system of rewards for good days with specialists (trust me, that is a whole other post...). But, for the most part, I have some good eggs in my class. I do have a few students that still ask for rewards or sometimes get greedy, but we're working on it.

One thing that made me smile last week was this:

Sometimes I do give rewards because I have some students who just need that love. And I'm not saying that it's something that stems from home, I just know that sometimes they need to know that i love them. Last week I gave one of my kids a choice of four little plastic dinosaurs because he had a really, really good week. He deserved it. Honestly. He really, really did. (Sometimes it's hard.) He chose what he wanted and I left the room to go to my dismissal duty. I was kind of iffy about it, but when I told him he could his smile was huge. Then, when I came back, I found that note on my desk. 

Last year, even though it was tough, I still had a lot of awesome kids. Today was the last day for our student-led conferences (where the students tell their parents about their accomplishments) and my kids did really well. I couldn't help but think back to a situation that I had last year in preparation for all of these meetings, though. I shared with a few of my friends what happened when one of my high performing students came in with their parents and the parents were...not nice? It wasn't that they were unkind to me (although they did ask for hand sanitizer immediately after shaking my hand), but I was very disappointed in the way they treated their very intelligent, very hard working child. It was just little, nit-picky things, but it upset the student and it upset me. I don't often get emotional, but I remember calling my own mother, bursting into tears, and thanking her for not being an asshole when I was growing up. I was a fairly intelligent child (mediocre adult), but I never felt pressured to do more than simply my best. I know that my parents were disappointed if I didn't do well. (I personally thought the world would end when I got my first B in third grade.) I also knew that my parents would support me no matter what and would always want what was best for me. This kid had so much pressure on them and I hated to see them upset. It's so easy to try to focus on the negative, but it's so much better to point out the positive. That's something I'm striving for this year. 

My conferences this year were amazing. The kids did well, the parents were proud. I almost got emotional just listening to parents telling their kids, my kids how proud they were of them. I love that. I love to see my kids lifted up by people who love them. Like I said above, sometimes it's so, so hard. But it's also so, so worth it. 

Well, there's a bunch of rambly things that I hope you can make some sense of. I hope you're having a great year so far and that you and your kiddos are having fun. This job is hard, but it's good. 

Here's a picture of a cookie I got after a conference. I'm a little spoiled. 

It's like they know me or something.

Happy teaching.