Stand Tall

This week sucked. Like, really sucked. 

The first week back to school after summer vacation is always the hardest in my (most teachers') opinion. Kids have been running willy-nilly for two months and we're expected to just jump right on in and get to teaching. 

Yeah, right.

First, we have to go through the rules. Then, the procedures for basically EVERY MOVEMENT YOU MAKE. After that, we have to go through the rules again because OMG JUST RAISE YOU HAND IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING. 

Oh, I'm shouting. Sorry. See, I'm not a voice-raiser in my classroom. The louder I get, they louder they get and that just doesn't work for me. You know how I know it doesn't work for me? Because that's all I did this week. My students love to talk. I don't even know what they're talking about, and most of the time I don't even think they were talking to each other. Seriously, I'm pretty sure these kids were just making noises to themselves. 

What. Even. 

Anytime I turned around I heard Mad-Eye Moody's voice in my head: "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" 

Rest in Peace, Moody! 

Basically I spent so much of this week redirecting in a positive manner that what the hell did I even teach? But it's okay. I mean, eventually it will be okay because I really have to remember a few things. 

Number one: They're kids. Kids are impulsive and loud (ugh, and messy). Just because I haven't been around them in two months doesn't mean they haven't changed. This is my eighth year teaching, so I should know better than to think that everything is going to be sunshine and roses the first week. If anything, I should read my own words and think about herding cats because that's all I did this week. 

Number two: They don't know me yet. They don't know my class rules fully or my teaching style or the jokes I have. (I have jokes, okay?) From what I've learned over the years I know that kids are eager to please. I'm looking forward to them getting to know me and for that to (hopefully) make my class more fun for them. 

(Sidenote: While playing a game called "Walk the Line" with my class I gave them a choice between Captain America and Superman and told them to choose wisely. All but one of them did. Yeah, they'll know me soon enough.)

Number three: I don't know them. I can complain until I'm blue in the face about how my kids don't know how things work in my classroom, but if I don't take the time to show an interest in their lives then what am I even here for? I know them academically but I don't know their strengths yet. I know what I've seen in the hallways from previous years and what other teachers have told me, but that doesn't matter. Just like students, all teachers are different, too. I got a "you've got your hands full" comment this week, but in the next 175 days that might change

Number four: It's a good job. As in: it's a job that does good. (Not well.) Kids, man. They're everything. 

So, I'm ready for week two. I'm all stocked up on coffee (Starbucks blonde roast, to be exact) and I'm feelings pretty good. I mean, all my laundry is clean and that's really all I can prepare for. I don't know what's going to happen in my classroom but at least I'll be caffeinated and have on clean pants. 

Godspeed, 

Your Tired Teacher Friend

Summertime Blues

I love my job. See, usually when I start a post out like that it means something important is coming. This might be that post, I'm just not sure yet. School started back officially this week. I say officially because I've technically been at work in my classroom for over a week. I tend to be a bit of an overachiever on some things whereas others seem to fall by the wayside (laundry, dirty dishes, feeding the cat...). My classroom is one of those things I like overachieve on. I'm going to be practically living there with twenty-something little ones for the next ten months so I like to make it fun and pretty. Okay, so my room is all set up and this week is a full week for teachers. Summer is officially (there's that word again) over. It's a little sad, but at the same time I'm kind of excited about the new year. And now I'm going to tell you why. I mean, if you didn't already know that.

A routine. Basically I do nothing all summer. Last summer I spent quite a few hours doing some private tutoring that was pretty much torture, so this summer I decided against all that.

Summer goes like this:
8AM - Maybe get up.
9AM - Probably drink two cups of coffee.
11AM - Should I eat breakfast?
12:30PM - Is it lunchtime?
3PM - Did I just fall asleep for three hours?!
5PM - Maybe shower.
9:00-12AM - Bedtime?

In between I'm usually reading (52 books so far this summer!) or watching television. Or cleaning things out.

During the school year I set an alarm! I shower every day! I eat on a schedule! Trust me, my pants need this. They are rebelling against my waistline.

School supplies. I absolutely love new school supplies. Sure when they come out in July I want to run through the displays and knock them all on the floor, but come August 1st I'm all for them. My wallet is not, just an FYI. No one appreciates the smell of Crayola crayons like a teacher. The way a fresh Expo marker smoothly glides over your whiteboard. Opening a new planner to put everything ever in it. Man, I love school supplies.

I did my own school shopping, too. 

Friends. I work with some pretty cool peeps and I got to see most of them sporadically this summer, but there's just something about seeing those faces every day that really gets me. I feel like it's this idea that everyone is there for the same reason you are that really draws us together. We're there for the kids, not the paycheck or the time off, and it really builds on the workplace camaraderie when you're all working toward the same goal.

Which I guess brings me to my last point. I'd originally wanted to do this at a Top Ten List, but I'm on my third day of training and my second beer (in a Captain America Tervis with a straw, thankyouverymuch), so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Kids. Look, I don't teach because I "love kids". I am an avid learner. I love to read and research and find out new things. I teach because I want to share that love of learning with others. "Others" being children, got it? Also, I'm not being insensitive when I say that. It's just a very strong feeling of mine that people don't go into teaching because they "love kids". That's not to say that I don't love them, because I do. I have a godson and little cousins, as well as friends who have kids that are beautiful reminder of how amazing little people are. They are the inspiration for what I do, if that makes sense. I teach because because I want to inspire. I want to change and shape the future. I want a kid to feel valued when they normally don't. To feel smart even though the struggle. To be a leader when and to gain confidence that will help them in the future. It's not the reason I went into teaching, but I do love those kids. If you've read any of my other posts you know that.

So, I guess I'm ready to go back to school. I'm ready for those fresh, smiling faces. I'm ready for the stress and the long hours and less sleep. I'm ready to work with people I love and do the thing I love. I'm already exhausted and stressed, but I'm feeling empowered and I'm ready. (It's probably the beer, right?)

And besides, I'll always have the weekends, you know?

I 

I hope you're inspired this year. And if it's awesome, share it with me. 

What's Your Story?

When I was halfway through the education program at my school I had a run-in with a professor that almost made me quit entirely. I was in block four (out of five), meaning I was almost at the finish line. At Florida Gulf Coast University during block four you are supposed to be part-time interning and taking a full course of classes. At this point I was working a full-time job, so I was only taking the classes and putting off the internship a semester. The only problem was that I was also taking a class from block two, which was basically and introductory reading course. With this course you were supposed to do a field experience and work with a student on reading strategies. I'd been in a classroom, but didn't really feel welcome or that the classroom teacher was making time for me to work with the student I needed to be with. Also, I was working a full-time job and taking a course load of classes, so it was rough. 

It just so happened that the classroom teacher and my professor were friends. The classroom teacher made it a point to tell the professor how unprofessional I was and that she didn't feel I was taking the project seriously. This resulted in a meeting with myself and the professor which ended with me in tears and seriously thinking about forgetting everything I'd worked so hard for over the last four years. Especially when the statement that haunts me (and by that I mean severely pisses me off) still was "Maybe it's time to think about if teaching is really for you". 

Now, I say that I was seriously considering quitting, but that really only happened for a hot minute. The thing was (is) that I've always known teaching was for me. I didn't need this woman, who knew absolutely nothing about my situation, to tell me it wasn't. But here's the thing: she knew absolutely nothing about me. She didn't know that I worked a full-time job. That I was incredibly socially anxious, especially when put into a classroom of a person I didn't know who didn't even seem to want me there. She didn't know that I was helping take my dad to weekly radiation appointments across the state or that I was dealing with a an on-again off-again idiot boyfriend. Or that I was struggling with horrific management at my job and people who were determined to make life an actual living hell. 

All this woman knew was that her friend thought I was unprofessional. Of course, had she known all of that she probably would have just said "Suck it up, Buttercup", and moved on. 

So here's the thing: we don't all wear our stories on our sleeves/faces/other places. It's not really in everyone's nature to spill your deepest, darkest secrets with strangers. Sometimes it isn't easy to tell these things to our closest friends or family. It is, however, so easy for us to judge someone before we know their story. 

Here's an example: A couple of years ago I had a student in my class who always wanted to be the center of attention. He called out, said inappropriate things, and was always trying to make jokes at the expense of learning. He got quite the reputation. But..the more I found out about this kid, the more I understood his behavior. It didn't make his behavior anymore acceptable, but at least I had a new way of looking at the situation. 

I think there are things in our lives that are unavoidable. I don't believe in the sentiment of "everything happens for a reason", but I believe that whatever happens to us helps us to be who were are supposed to be. What's sad is that even though we all have skeletons in our closets- we all have our unavoidable things- we still judge others based on what's hiding in theirs. Trust me, I'm not judging the judgers, because I'm guilty of it too. It's hard not to think about people's past mistakes and not to judge them based on something that can't be changed or undone. But as the one who has made the mistakes, it's even harder. Moving on is difficult, especially when your skeletons are bountiful. 

Not sorry. 

Judging someone is easy. Being that person who doesn't care is easy. Taking the time to be kind, to listen, to be a friend...that's the hard part. Sometimes people don't want to open up. Sometimes we think that we're too good to be kind to someone who was messed up so badly. You know what, though? You're never too good to be kind. Like, really and truly never too good. If you think that's true then I'm seriously judging you right now. 

Just kidding. 

Mostly.