Top Ten Reasons to Date a Teacher

A while back everyone was crazy about this blog: Don’t Date a Girl Who Teaches

I admit it, it was cute and funny and totally true. Teachers are nuts and you should probably stay away from us. We get super involved in our work and can’t seem to think about anything else from time to time. Sure, that sounds okay to some, but sometimes it can be a little…unhealthy. Not that we can really tell if something is unhealthy anyways, we love our jobs. It’s just that simple.

Anyhow, while thinking about that blog and how great my job is, it dawned on me: teachers are awesome. Of course you should date one. And marry her, too. (Hint.) Here are some reasons why. In no particular order except that I wanted to do this Top Ten style, huzzah. (These are all ridiculous and for funsies, too, okay?)

10. Victory dances. I love to dance. In my classroom we celebrate small victories with dances. Get that math problem right? Dance it out. Answer that question correctly? Dance like nobody’s watching. Think about how awesome it would be to have someone celebrate you with victory dances all the time. (Totally awesome, I know.)

Sadly, all victory dances look like this.

9. I’m a good band-aid putter onner. You got a boo-boo? I’ll fix it! Unless you’re gushing blood or missing a limb, then I’ll most likely write a nurse pass for you.

8. Singing! Singing is even higher than dancing for me. Sometimes I sing responses to questions or even directions. Sometimes it’s really annoying, but most of the time it’s adorable.

 

It really could go either way...

7. You’ll never want for office supplies. Now, don’t take this like I steal them, okay? Mostly I come home with paperclips, pens, Expo markers, and highlighters in my pocket. I’d let you keep them! Other things I come home with in my pockets may include: erasers, toys, rubber bands, small children’s jewelry, coins, and hair clips.

6. Your grammar skills will increase. I’m a teacher, so that will most likely be because I watch over your shoulder as you text/email/converse/write and tell you to fix things so you don’t sound like an idiot. Wouldn't I be helpful?

Don't be this guy.

5. More free stuff! Who doesn’t love free stuff? As part of my job perks, I get a ton of candy on major holidays (and my birthday!), so I’d totally share that with you.

4. Mom’s love me. This is probably because they think I love children and would make an excellent mother to a brood of grandchildren. I mean, this is partly true. Maybe. I think.

This one just made me laugh.

3. Entertainment! Look, I don’t spend my days with children and not have something awesome to talk about. Not a day goes by when one of those little whippersnappers doesn’t do something utterly hilarious (also: ridiculous) that I must share with everyone I know. Kids are funny and they make my life more interesting. Hey, this could be our life. ;)

2. Cheap dates. Spending all day with children is exhausting. I’d probably fall asleep through dinner or a movie. Give me a nice glass of wine and I’m good, you know? (Please note: cheap is not equal to easy.)

1. I look adorable in a cardigan. Also, I have plenty of them.

Not an actual picture of my closet. My cardigans are clearly color coordinated. ROY G. BIV and all that...

So, there you have it. Ten reasons to date a teacher. Sure, they’re a little ridiculous, but so is life so get over it. Dating a teacher could be totally fun! We are great story tellers, always have a pen when you need one, and can communicate multiple feelings with just the raise of an eyebrow.

Tell your friends: teachers are cool. 

Letterman would probably agree. Maybe.

PS - Thanks to SS for helping and making me laugh. 

First Born Problems

When my sister was younger she just wanted to know everything. It was totally endearing, until she couldn’t let something go and bugged us for years with the same question even though no one could give her the “right” answer.

We didn’t have a conventional family, and that was okay with everyone. Sarah, my sister, knew early on that we had different dads. (That makes us half-sisters, but we don’t think of ourselves that way. We aren’t half-people, after all.) When she first learned to talk she called her dad “Tim” a few times, and it was pretty funny.

But the thing that she wanted to know the most about our family, what she really, really needed an answer to was:

Why was Ashley born first?

For a while this was the only question she would ask, and she would get so pissed when my mom didn’t give her the answer she wanted to hear. To me, it was hilarious (and frustrating because, seriously, get over it), but to her it really mattered.

So, kid, here are some reasons why I (and all other older siblings) was born first:

To soften up the folks. Look, you’re going to do a lot of stupid stuff. We, as older siblings, are here to make life a little bit easier on you. Trust me, when I would come home at 3AM it was like WWIII. Now, the ‘rents are over it. You swear in front of them? Nothing. Me? Soap in the mouth. Get a bad grade? You get a “keep trying”. Me? Look, life was hard once I got kicked out of Honor Society. Let’s not talk about the time I had to go to court, okay? Point is: I’ve done it, they’ve dealt with it. You’re in the clear.

Weird.

Torture you, obviously. There are ten years and nine months between my sister and me. That’s a lot of years, so I was basically a built-in babysitter. It was cool, though. I liked spending time with the little ankle-biter. Also, I liked to jump out from behind things and scare her.  It was a game I played. Mostly with myself, though. Of course, when she was crying that just meant I got to comfort her and make her feel better…then do it again. That’s what older siblings are for: to make you fear for your life and then make sure you are safe. Basically, I’d die for you, but in the meantime I’m going to make your life a living hell, okay?

I used to be taller than her!

You’re our slave. As I’m writing this right now my sister is washing my dishes. Enough said, right? But really, as older siblings we really need someone to wait on us. When she’s done, I hope she makes me some coffee.

To be best friends, duh. Being so many years apart was fun for the most part, but eventually our relationship changed. I moved out and moved away, but now that we’re both adults (kind of), it’s pretty cool. Siblings (and cousins) are like our first best friends, a built-in person to share your secrets, sadness, accomplishments, and stories with.

Besties 4Life.

L-O-V-E. Sibling love is special. Like, who else is going to put up with your shit and still like you all the time? We are weird and messed up and sometimes normal, but no one understands you like a brother or sister. (Sorry if you’re an only child. You can borrow my sister anytime.) No one knows what you’ve been through like them.

The family that serves together... 

I was born first, and so were millions of other siblings. We did it for you, you young whippersnappers, get over it.

Of course.

Even God is Single

I love the holidays.

Food, family, friends, gifts…did I mention food? Yeah, holidays are awesome.

You know what I don’t love about holidays?

The question. You know the one.

Are you seeing anyone?

You dating anyone?

Met anybody yet?

You’re going to be an Old Maid!

Tina gets it.

Okay, that last one wasn’t a question, but has actually been said to me by my Papa. He’s old, though, so I let it go.

Funnily enough, my family wasn’t too bad this Thanksgiving. Maybe they’ve finally given up on asking. Or maybe they’re just finally convinced I’ve turned into the crazy cat lady.

"Zazzy."

Truth is, I’m not the crazy cat lady. My cat doesn’t like anyone else (imagine that!), so I will never get to be that cat lady. It’s kind of sad when you think about it. Of course, that really just means that I’ll actually have to find a significant other one day.

One day.

I’m okay with that. Really. But in the meantime, I really really love being single. I love being single for a few reasons (which I will tell you about in due time, my precious), but they are probably not the reasons most people think, ie: partying, hanging out, doing stupid things.

Y’all, I get to do what I want all the time.

That’s not to say I don’t spend time with friends and family and work, but if I want to go to a movie, I do. Shopping? Do it. Sit on the couch all day and drink coffee and read a book? Done and done (multiple times). Take a trip to a third-world country? Did it. Twice.

But traveling and doing awesome things like not wearing make up or real pants are not the only perks that I favor, okay? (I’m currently sipping on a Woodchuck cider in an Avengers Tervis tumbler with a straw, I think a boyfriend would find that weird.) At this point in my life, I’m still learning about me. Yeah, I’m thirty and to some people that’s old, but statistics show that the majority of people are actually waiting until their thirties to get married. Science is letting us wait longer to have children (I’m adopting a child who is already potty trained). And, if you ask me, that’s a good thing. I remember being engaged many moons ago and thinking that the relationship I was in was so awesome and pretty and perfect, but it totally wasn’t. Sometimes I think back and just shake my head because I was in no way ready to get married at twenty-one. Now, I know plenty of people who did get married at that age and are in beautiful, thriving relationships. I’m totally happy for them. But I know that it’s not for me. Not yet.

I’m pretty content with working and focusing on being the best teacher I can be right now. Yes, I’m married to my job, but I’m okay with that because it’s the best job in the world. I like the cat and I like my family. I have some pretty cool friends and colleagues who keep me entertained and worry about my love life (or lack thereof).

I guess you could say I’m kind of...happy.

So, maybe I will be an Old Maid, but I might just be okay with that. I know that if I wait to find the right person then it will truly be right. I’m totally one of those people who believe that there’s some poor sap out there for me, but we just haven’t crossed paths yet. God help him, when we do though. 

Jess knows what's up. 

Or I can take a page from Will Grayson and say:

“I’m not asexual, I’m arelationshipal.” (Quote from Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green.)

I’m kidding, obviously, but that would be a fun response next time someone asks if they can set me up for online dating.

Yes, you look like this when you try to set me up. 

But really, dating isn’t something that’s on the top of my list right now. Right now I get to focus on me and becoming as awesome as I can be. Unless, that is, this guy comes a knockin’. Then all bets are off.

 

God bless (Captain) America.

PS – The title of this blog is actually the title of a cute little coffee table book I got for a dollar a few years ago: Even God is Single (so stop giving me a hard time) by Karen Salmansohn.