The Struggle is Real

Right about now is the part of summer vacation that I really start feeling sorry for myself. With just under two weeks left before I "officially" go back to work it's time to shape up. Unfortunately I mean that in the physical and emotional sense. See, you've probably seen my Facebook posts or read here about the Summer Weight Gain that goes along with lounging around and reading books all day, yeah? Most of the time I make a joke out of that, because it's a little bit funny. But, then again, it really isn't.

If I've calculated correctly, since the end of the school year (oh, let's just say April), I've gained about seven pounds. Right now I can practically hear some of you rolling your eyes. Sure, seven pounds might not seem like a lot, but sometimes it feels like it.

That pooch over your bathing suit bottom?

A little bit of muffin top over your jeans?

Your favorite shorts just a little too tight?

Sigh. 

Sometimes I make myself believe that those are the things summer is for! It's a time to do nothing and let yourself go because you don't have anyone to impress for a few weeks. I also know that this is complete bullshit because, let me be honest here, I like to impress myself.

I am a vain, vain creature and I've said before, I'm my own worst enemy. 

I struggle. 

Every. 

Single. 

Day. 

So many people want to be perfect, but the thing is that everyone's definition of perfect is different. What's perfect for me probably isn't perfect for the next person, or the person after that, or you. It probably doesn't help that a lot of magazines and movies push the whole "skinny tall chick" as the protocol for perfect, either. I mean, who in their right mind would photoshop out Scarlett Johansson's curves out of a poster? Someone who likes stick figures, that's who. But then again, ScarJo might not be someone's idea of perfect. And also, maybe being perfect is overrated? With me, I get stuck on a goal, and that goal is my perfect. I see it. I want it. I do it. Right now this goal happens to be a number. 

I WANT THAT NUMBER SO BAD. 

That number is my goal, which makes it my obsession. See, right about now is where my big, ugly OCD rears it's point counting head. I don't really mind that much though, it gives me peace (and something to do). So that's what I've been doing. I've gone back to my old Weight Watchers (BECAUSE IT WORKS) ways for the time being. The only thing is...Weight Watchers works sloooooow. I know this. I know this because I started WW in October 2011 and met my goal in February 2012. In those five months I lost 18.6 pounds. Needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself. I've managed to maintain that weight for almost two years, which is why gaining so much in such a short amount of time has taken a toll on me. I don't always stick to a WW diet. I like fried foods and junk food just as much as the next normal person, but I really tend to be a healthy eater...for the most part. 

I think that's why this is bothering me so much. At thirty-one I'm the healthiest I've probably even been. It's crazy, right? I graduated high school weighing not a whole lot and basically lived on a diet of fast food. Here I am now: running a few miles a week, taking trips to the gym, and ABSOLUTELY NOT EATING FAST FOOD EVER (does Starbucks count?) and I'm struggling. Like, what happens to your metabolism once you hit twenty-five? It's the worst! 

Word.

I know (hope?) that everyone struggles with body issues, no matter how thin or un-thin you are. I also know, thanks to Weight Watchers, that it's okay to struggle and it's okay to not be happy with yourself as long as you want to do something about it. Being you is what makes you so awesome, so if you want a more awesome you then go for it. My friend Michelle (don't be mad) always has the best advice when I'm down on myself. She says things like "Be kind to yourself" and "Focus on how you feel, not a number". I love her for that, and sometimes I wish it were that easy.

Of course, sometimes it is easy, but often times it's not. And, most of the time, it's nice to know you aren't the only one struggling. Being perfect by someone else's standards is hard. Being perfect by your own? Feels impossible to me. Right now I'm taking it one healthy day at a time. 

Just...hide the cookies, okay? 

Three pounds to go. 

Vacation: All I Ever Wanted

Teachers get a lot of crap about summer vacation. That usually sparks someone (who is probably not a teacher) to create a list of "What You Think/What Actually Happens" and try to debunk all the rumors of what teachers really do on vacation. 

The list has things like Pinterest-ing, creating projects, shopping for classroom supplies, and making lists for the new year. 

Guess how many things on that list I've done so far this summer? 

Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

Now, plenty of my friends are posting things and that's fine. Receipts from school supply stores, pictures of fun new items, Pinteresting the crap out of classroom posters and projects. (Okay, I admit to Pinteresting some stuff but mostly I'm there for the food and funny pictures.) I just choose to do my summer vacation a little differently.

For example: 

Early on this summer I took on the challenge of watching all three seasons of Veronica Mars in a week. Fine, it didn't really take me a whole week to watch it. It also didn't take me a whole week to gain my first four pounds of the summer. To me, that's what summer is all about! Lounging around and doing whatever the heck you want. If watching all the television you missed while cramming that twelve months of work into 180 days is what you want to do, do it. It's okay! (PS - Sorry if you have kids and can't do that.) 

Me.

I like challenges, so each year I challenge myself to read a certain number of books. This year it was one hundred. So, from January to December I'm supposed to read one hundre books. I reached that goal yesterday. Okay, I'm at one-oh-one now. That's thirty-nine books since school let out. Some of you probably think this is because I have no life (you're probably right), but it's also because I DO WHATEVER I WANT BECAUSE I'M ON VACATION. If you aren't a reader I hope you found something else relaxing to do with your time. This is just what I like to do. 

Never happens...

I posted early this summer about my trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Islands of Adventure. A couple weeks after that I got up at 3:30AM and made the trip back to Orlando for the opening of Diagon Alley in Universal Studios. Basically is was the dumbest and most awesome thing I've ever done. I didn't do a lot of "traveling" this summer, but the little I did was so worth it. Of course, I've been following all my friends' travels on Facebook and, while it looks awesome, I'm glad I only traveled a few hours away from home. Besides, being in Orlando is basically like being in a different world. 

BRB, going to the Ministry of Magic.

I also challenged myself to go to the gym and workout this summer. If we're friends on Facebook you've probably seen my posts about weight gain. Yeah, it's not muscle I've gained. Kudos to those of you who have had the strength and motivation to workout. I've had a hard enough time getting out of bed, so I've passed on the gym stuff. I'll just pretend to workout my brain by reading a lot of intelligent books (lolz). I did run three 5Ks this summer, which is working out...to me. 

But really, that's the beauty of summer vacation: lounging, reading, traveling, and doing what you love. I don't have to spend time shopping and creating and pinning. If I actually want to lie on the couch all day and read all day I will. If I want to go to the pool and read, I might. If I go to the beach to read I'm kind of pushing things, because I'm not too crazy about leaving the house unless I absolutely have to. 

The point of this is probably to tell you to enjoy your summer vacation. You worked hard this year and you earned it. Don't sweat the new year just yet. Trust me, August 11th will be here before you know it and then you won't have pool time or book time or lying on the couch time, you know? It'll be seating charts, grading papers, classroom management, lesson plans, meetings, paperwork (are you depressed yet?), and all that other stuff that comes with having the best job in the whole world.  

So, just chill out. 

Twenty more days. 

XO, 

Ash

I Love Running (No, Really.)

I've been doing this whole "running" thing for just over a year now. If you follow this silly little blog (or know me at all, jeez) you know how it all started. A friend posted on The Facebook about starting C25K (Couch to 5K) and the rest is basically history. We virtually trained together and ended up running our first 5K together, too. And I blogged about it, because I do that.

Anyways, after a year of running I've got a few milestones under my dry-fit spandex pants (did you think I was going to say belt?) and I'm pretty happy with them. So far I've ran six 5Ks, one 10K, and have signed up for my first half marathon in January 2015.

Yesterday, while I was running the Star Spangled 5K and feeling dehydrated and gross at 8:00AM, I just couldn't help but think how much I truly loved running. It's funny to say that, right? Like, I'm not a great runner, but I like it. (I feel the same way about writing, to be honest. I'm not great at it, but it's fun so I do it.) I'm not fast, I don't see myself winning any medals or ribbons, but I cross the finish line to all my races and that's really all the matters. I mean, if you recall from my previous post about running cross country my junior year of high school you would remember me being last in all my races, but always finishing them. (Funny story: my coach once made me run in the JV race even though I was a junior. Uncool.)

But, yeah, I love running. And, like I do, I'm going to tell you why.

Therapy. There's this saying or internet meme going around that says "Running is cheaper than therapy". Ain't that the truth, amirite? When I've had a hard day in my classroom, or a bad day in general, running is so good at making me forget. How can you think about other things when all you're doing is focusing on putting one foot in front of the other? Why be stressed when you can listen to your favorite song and check out the scenery of a long wrong?

There's always visuals here. 

Health. I really feel like I'm at my healthiest since I've started running. A couple of years ago I did Weight Watchers and have successfully kept the weight off, but I feel that running has been a big help to that. Running is my excuse to eat, let's say, whatever I want. Like, I can eat that entire bag of chips because I'm going running later. (This is what I call carb-loading, pay no attention to me.) When I run I feel less guilt about whatever it was that I might have eaten or drank before, because I sweat it all out, right? This is what I tell myself okay? Also, I have nice calves now.

Camaraderie. (Or Friendship, if you don't like big words.) When I started running I realized what a huge community there was! Not only through online blogs or social media accounts (my favorite is Scoot A Doot because I love those ladies), but even in my own school, church, and circle of friends. Of course, my circle of friends is mainly people from school and church, so...

It's super cool when you find someone else who runs and who wants to talk about it or ask your for advice. (Also: you probably shouldn't ask a noob like me for advice.) During our 10K training (I use this term loosely) my best running buddy and I had people who wanted to run with us. We were pretty nervous because we tend to be slow, hence the running together, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. And, even with our lousy training schedule, we managed to finish our first 10K. 

Yay! (Don't sue me for using your picture, okay?) 

Teamwork. Okay, I know running isn't a team sport, but sometimes it feels like it is. Most of my races have been done with a friend and I can't tell you how much it helps to have someone there to help you set the pace and keep you going. My favorite thing from yesterday's race was watching those super fast runners who finished first come back through those of us who were still running (I told you I was slow, okay?). Whether they were cheering us on, or giving a thumbs-up, or even running next to others through the finish line- they cared. It's awesome crossing the finish line after any kind of race because people are waiting for you, they're cheering you on, and they just don't care how slow you are because you finished (so there, high school cross country coach). 

Running is cool and I had a moment yesterday when I just felt like telling people about it, so there you have it. Like I said, I'm not winning any races any time soon, but at least I'll be finishing them. 

Happy running. (Or not.)